Beginning with Occlumency
by Monochrome Factor
Summary: Harry overhears a conversation that reveals the real Severus Snape, which makes Occlumency Lessons really interesting. A complicated teacher-student relationship blossoms. Rated M. Snape/Harry and Sirius/Remus Romance yaoi
1. Dumbledore's orders

--CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR--

Occlumency

"Sorry, Mrs Weasley, What did you say?"

"Professor Snape, dear. In the kitchen. He'd like a word"

Harry's mouth fell open in horror. He looked around at Ron, Hermione and Ginny, all of whom were gaping at him. "Snape?" said Harry blankly.

"_professor _Snape, dear" said Mrs Weasley reprovingly.

A minute or two later, he was walking quietly down the hall to the kitchen when he heard voices. He drew nearer. "_Snape" _a voice hissed loudly. Startled by the the harsh tone of whom he realized was Sirius Black, he bumped into the troll-leg umbrella stand, almost knocking it over. "Did you think I wanted this? Do you think I want more classes with, _Potter_" Snape spat his name, "when he... he looks .much like his father". Sirius hissed once more.

"He is _not_ James! Don't you see the difference. Harry is just a boy!" Sirius spat angrily.

"He is coming of age" Snape said quietly.

"Severus, I've heard you're never nice to him in class. How would you expect Harry to grasp this if you've acted like you've hated him ever since he _entered_ Hogwarts" Lupin said loudly.

"How did you expect me to act. Get so close to him! I. Went. to. School. With. His. Father and... Until four years ago I could never get James out of my head. And now his son comes _strutting_ about. How am I supposed to act around him! I am cruel to Harry Potter because it keeps him safe!" Snape's rigid voice was uncharacteristically loud. Harry gasped. Harry heard the scraping of a chair being pushed out as somebody stood up. He heard footsteps coming up to the kitchen door. Harry's heart thumped somewhere in his throat. Lupin opened the door and saw Harry standing outside the kitchen. "Listening at keyholes, are we?" sneered Snape in a low voice. Harry opened his mouth, and shut it. He opened his mouth again. But he shut it. Harry didn't know where to begin. What was Snape on about?

Lupin's brows furrowed with worry and beckoned him inside. Lupin pulled out a chair for him at the long kitchen table in which Sirius and Snape were sitting on opposite sides of the table, glaring in opposite directions. Harry sat down, confusion turning to anger at the silence and the behavior of his teacher and god-father. Were they going to pretend that he had not heard half of their conversation, in which, Harry was sure he wasn't meant to have heard, because Snape was now determinedly staring at his fingers awkwardly, leaning forward so that his lank raven hair made a curtain between his face and the other stiff occupants of the table. Snape sighed, "I was supposed to see you alone, Potter, but Black -" sneered Snape not looking at Harry, stubbornly.

"I am his god father. I don't want being alone with Harry. Why can't Dumbledore teach Harry Occlumency?!" Harry's anger multiplied as Sirius Black and Professor Snape acted as if Harry weren't there. "occlu – what? Alright, Somebody better explain!"

"I am here on Dumbledore's orders," Snape looked up to glare pointedly at Sirius, "but if you feel Harry is being threatened, Black, by all means stay" Nobody had looked at him yet. It was as if he was in the pensieve again. Lupin was staring fixedly at Sirius and Snape who were glaring at each other.

Harry sighed exasperatedly. "Are we all going to pretend that I am not here? I heard everything you said -" at that Sirius and Snape's head snapped up.

"What?" Snape's voice, instead of raising like expected, was quietly waspish.

"I heard your whole conversation... How is acting cruel to me keeping me safe?"

"Snape had a crush -" Sirius ignored the hiss from Snape, "on your father. He was only friends with Lily to get to your father"

"enough" said Snape firmly.

"No! Harry, never let yourself be in a room with Snape alone -"

"Sirius!" Remus said reprovingly, Remus turned to Harry, "Sirius is worried Snape will try to touch you, in a way, that's not, appropriate" Harry stared from Remus to Sirius and finally to Snape. Sirius was still glaring fixedly at Snape. Snape was staring at Harry, face almost soft, eyes impassive.

"Harry, I will never touch you unless you asked to be," said Snape softly, "I am here on Dumbledore's orders to tell you that this term _I am_ to teach you Occlumency, the magical defense of the mind against external penetration"

"Why can't Dumbledore -" Sirius began.

"I assure you I did not beg for the job. Dumbledore ordered me to teach Potter Occlumency knowing the history between James and I. I told him that I _didn't want to do this. _He didn't care" Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but sighed and shut it. Snape looked at him slowly. "If you don't feel as threatened as your god father, knowing that I have given you my word that I will not touch you _and _that I have the head masters trust, the first meeting is on Monday at six O'clock in my office. If anyone asks, you are in remedial potions"

Snape stood and turned to leave, his traveling cloak billowing about him. "wait a moment" said Sirius.

"This has been awkward enough and unlike you, I do not have unlimited leisure time"

"I'll get to the point, then," said Sirius standing up, plunging his hand in his cloak and whipping out his wand , "If I hear your sick child-searching fingers ever touch Harry Potter," Lupin stood up, "You'll have me to answer to"

"Haven't you noticed how much Potter is like his father, he'd have the entire school talking about me if I tried to touch him"

"James had not choice -"

"Sirius, we don't know what went on that night" Remus said as he held up his hands to Sirius to indicate that he stop. Snape pulled out his wand and advanced on Sirius. At this Remus and Harry vaulted over the table and put themselves between Sirius and Severus. Remus had stretched out his hands, as if to put his hands on both mans chests to hold them away from each other. Sirius growled furiously, his lips curling upwards menacingly. Harry stood behind Lupin, hand on Sirius' shoulder to help Remus restrain his snarling god father. Remus made to restrain Snape, hand to chest, unknowing that Harry was behind pushed Harry into the arms of Severus Snape. Snape's arms went firmly around Harry before he knew what was going on.

The kitchen door opened and the entire Weasley family, plus Hermione, came inside, all looking very happy, with Mr Weasley walking proudly in their midst. "Cured!" he announced brightly. He and all the other Weasley's froze on the threshold, gawking at the scene in front of them. "Merlin's beard!," said Mr Weasley, the smile sliding off his face, "what's going on here?" Severus released Harry quickly and swept out of the kitchen.


	2. Discussions

Snape _just _left.

Without comment he was gone.

Without glance he turned on his heel and swept from the room. Harry was astonished.

"What's been going on?"

"Snape -" begun Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he'd ran a great distance.

"oh, Sirius! Dumbledore trusts him, I trust him!" reproved Molly, as if she had heard the previous conversation.

"Have you been listening at keyholes as well!" cried Sirius.

Molly looked vicious.

"Sirius, Severus wouldn't touch Harry Potter! Severus Snape is Harry Potter's teacher and Dumbledore would _not _put Harry in danger!"

"I don't know. You're not the one that stormed in on," George acted Snape chewing his fingers anxiously, wincing, and pretending to cry, "Severus Snape after Harry won the Triwizard tournament" George muttered loudly. "Yeah, and you guys don't know how much Snape betted on Harry Potter to win" Fred said conspiratorially, looking around at his family members.

"Fred! George!" Mr Weasley chided. Fred and George made an attempt to look innocently at their father. "Or been in Snape's locked desk draws" Fred and George murmured, grinning at each other. At that, that whole room stopped and stared at the Weasley twins. "Just Harry's test scores," Fred said, "from all his classes" George finished.

"_All_?"

"We have no idea how he got hold of them" admitted Fred and George together.

"He's keeping tabs on Harry" Sirius said quietly in an anxious voice.

"Sirius, Severus _liked James_, not Harry" Lupin told Sirius.

"He's keeping tabs on Harry!" Sirius repeated angrily, "You heard what he said" huffed Sirius pointedly.

At that Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Mr and Mrs Weasley split into a small group off to the side, heads close, and talked in small voices. Ron and Hermione walked over anxiously.

"Are you o'right?"asked Ron, lifting his eyebrows worriedly, "you've just been hugged by Snape." Ron's voice through the murmurs of the adults and was heard by everyone, the adults looked in their direction. Lupin's face harboured a small smile. Sirius's face was blank, but his eyes were wide with shock. Sirius whipped his head around, and started an insistent verbal frenzy with Mr and Mrs Weasley. Lupin wandered over. "Harry, What was the hug like?"

Ron and the Weasley twins sniggered uncontrollably.

Harry stared blankly in disbelief, but, Lupin's face had been calm and concerned... _He was serious, _Harry realised.

"Er... I don't know. Normal I guess. I mean, abrupt."

"Yeah" Ron laughed, "I mean you were in the middle of an argument. You were about to get clobbered by Sirius."

"It was automatic. Maybe he didn't mean to... He just sorta... did it. Like it was subconscious or something" Harry explained, wondered aloud.

"come on!" Ron scolded.

"Exactly!" Sirius seconded Ron. Remus returned to the adults quickly and they resumed their quiet conversations.

"Come on, what?" Harry asked Ron blankly. Ron raised his brows with an expression of utter disbelief. "You know, mate." he tossed his head from side to side, as if it was something he didn't want to say and that Harry should guess at what this _so obviously_ meant.

"Ron is implying that Snape is of course attracted to you" Hermione told Harry in a quick petulant whisper.

"oh... yeah" said Harry dumbly.

Harry told Ron and Hermione about what he had heard in the hallway, and what happened after he had walked in. Hermione and Ron listened faces varying in various degrees of shock and anxiety as the conversation between Snape and Sirius grew more complex and perplexing.

"Cruel to you – to keep you safe?" Hermione stuttered.

"that's completely mental" Ron commented, "I can't believe we've been in a classroom with him since our first year and had no idea he was gay". Hermione and Harry stared, dumbfounded, at Ron for a few minutes before they burst out laughing. The laughing died, the air thick with unease and confusion. Harry, Ron and Hermione looked in different directions slightly confused, and slightly worried. Unsure how to _begin _with the questions.

"Mrs Weasley's right though, Harry. Dumbledore trusts Snape" Hermione assured him, trying to convince herself as well, because when she looked away, she looked anxious.

"But... Why would he say... that the way he acts keeps me safe if ... if he ... if he didn't feel that way" Harry stuttered awkwardly.

Harry knew it was time to tell Ron and Hermione what had really been worrying him. He tried to find words. "Maybe he'll try to make me feel the same way. He did say he wouldn't touch me, not if I didn't want to be, and I trust that, but... when he hugged me... I felt... my stomach... clenched... I was all hot. You don't think Snape is doing that somehow? I mean he'd need to of had eye contact or pointed his wand at me" Harry stuttered, struggling for words, studying his interlocked fingers. Hermione looked anxious. Seeing Hermione's face, harry added, "it was a good heat," he reassured her. "...Maybe it was involuntary... Anyway Snape was attracted to my Dad, not me," said Harry quickly. "Yeah, but you're a spitting image" said Ron.

At this Fred and George ambled up to the group. "Don't worry Harry, just bring some dung bombs with you to your lessons as a diversion" Fred suggested humorously.

"or a shrink ray, in case Snape tries to whip it out" George grinned.

**

By the end of the night, Harry knew about Snape crying convulsively behind the quidditch pitch after he had won the Triwizard cup from the Weasley twins. Hermione and Ron had found out that Harry had experienced what Hermione had considered as, in an anxious whisper, "am I to understand that you reciprocate some of his feelings?"

Hermione didn't sleep. She rambled on about her feelings like she did explaining Cho Chang's a year ago. She was frightened that Snape would do something inappropriate, worried that Harry felt too comfortable with the situation, curious and irritated at the fact that Harry hadn't given much thought to his feelings towards Snape and tried to determine the origins of his gut feeling. Over all she thought Harry seemed disbelieving to the fact that Snape would try to touch Harry, probably from the impression Snape had given him for so long that Harry could never envision Snape touching him, angry at the way Sirius had approached it and insanely curious about what had occurred between Professor Snape and his father.

**

In his dream, Harry was walking down a cold stone passage way, lined with torches. He came across a large wooden club, resting against the wall. Harry picked up the club for his protection, and continued cautiously down the stone corridor. He stopped at what he realised was the door to Snape's dungeon and raised the giant club threateningly. The door opened and a phoenix flew out the door, playing it's eerie song. He watched the bird go, flying over head. Suddenly someone clutched him and yanked him inside the room. They slammed him against a dusty book case. Snape looked up into the cold black eyes of Severus Snape. Snape drew himself back, and with a dramatic air, pulled his hand far back. Snape glanced at his hand over his shoulder, and glanced back at Harry threateningly. Snape swung his hand in, as if to land a blow to Harry's gut, but he descended his hand slowly, as if to savour the moment. Harry remembered having a shirt on when he pulled into the dungeon classroom, but when Snape's slow-motion blow finally connected with Harry, there was no protection between Harry and Snape's poised fingers. When his fingers connected to his bare stomach Harry screamed. His stomach heated suddenly with a powerful clench. His stomach lurched and throbbed as Snape's fingers stroked and pressed against his skin. He screamed again as Snape pressed his fingers into his skin more firmly, his body reacting to it, a powerful heated throb. Snape grinned at Harry as he remain pinioned to the bookcase, and screaming. Harry moaned loudly as Snape pressed his fingers even deeper into Harry's gut. Harry writhed and groaned as if this was torturing him, but Harry could feel no pain. Harry looked down into Snape's grinning face, his face twisted to cruel again and Harry knew, he knew that again Snape would press his fingers deeper in Harry's stomach. It came, Harry's belly clenched and unclenched heatedly, Harry's legs shook spasmodically. Harry thought Snape would stop quickly as he had before, but his fingers continued to press. His legs gave way with the rest of Harry's writhing body. He fell to the floor clutching his stomach. He realised Snape's fingers had drew blood, he saw Snape's bloody fingers come slowly into view. Harry couldn't look away, he watched as Snape's fingers reached into his stomach and again his gut gave a throbbing and clenching lurch and he moaned low. Snape chuckled, bringing his fingers up to Harry's face to show him what he had done. Snape's gleeful face faded away and Harry was once more walking down the corridor in the department of mysteries towards the plain black door.

Harry awoke several minutes later, he was confused, his head felt full with the strange dream.

Tonks, Lupin, Sirius, Mr and Mrs Weasley sat eating breakfast in the kitchen when Harry, Ron and Hermione came down. The adults seemed to have been mid-way through a whispered conversation as Harry opened the door, all of them looked round hastily ans fell silent. After a hurried breakfast , they pulled on jackets and scarves against the chilly grey January morning. Harry had an unpleasant feeling about saying goodbye to Sirius. Harry felt it was incumbent upon him to say something to Sirius about Professor Snape – Harry was worried that Sirius was planning some kind of way to spy on Professor Snape. Before he could think of what to say, however, Sirius had beckoned him to his side.

"I want you to take this," he said quietly, thrusting a badly wrapped package roughly the size of a paperback book into Harry's hands.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"A way of letting me know if Snape doesn't keep his slimy hands to himself"said Sirius, with a wary look at Mrs Weasley, who was attempting to persuade the Weasley twins to wear hand-knitted mittens. "I doubt Molly would approve, she doesn't think you'll need to use it, but don't feel embarrassed to use it and tell me if you feel at all uncomfortable with Snape, all right?"

"er... OK" said Harry, stowing the package away in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"let's go, then," said Sirius, clapping him on the shoulder and smiling grimly, and before Harry could say anything else, they were heading upstairs, stopping before the heavily chained and bolted front door, surrounded by Weasleys. He turned and looked into his god-fathers face and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could do so Sirius was giving him a brief, one-armed hug, and saying gruffly, "look after yourself, Harry." Next moment, he found himself shunted out into the icy winter air, with Tonks chivvying him down the steps.

The door of number twelve slammed shut behind them.


	3. Fathoming dark eyes

Authors Note/Disclaimer: Used quotes/storyline in the book to make it more realistic. I'm not J.K, I don't own Harry Potter.

Lupin and Tonks helped them off the bus with their luggage, then got off to say good bye.

"You'll be safe once you're in the grounds," said Tonks, casting a reassuring look to Harry. "Have a good term, okay?"

"Look after yourselves," said Lupin, shaking hands all round and reaching Harry last. " And listen," he lowered his voice while the others exchanged last minute goodbyes with Tonks, "Harry I don't want you to worry about Snape. I know it must have been a great shock to you, but the important thing is that you work hard with Snape because we all want you to learn Occlumency for your own protection."

"Yeah, all right," said Harry, looking up into Lupin's concerned face. "see you, then."

The six of them struggled up the slippery drive, dragging their trunks.

**

Harry was anxious about meeting Snape again, spending breakfast staring at his plate, not eating, thinking. Breakfast went mercilessly fast, and soon Harry was walking down the rough stone corridor with Ron and Hermione for double potions. Snape's dungeon door creaked open ominously and he was reminded of last night's dream. He filed into the classroom after Ron and Hermione and followed them to their usual table at the back. Snape unnecessarily called the class to order - all the students were still at the presence of Professor Snape in the dimly-lit classroom.

"The ingredients and method," Snape flicked his wand, "- are on the blackboard," (they appeared there) "- you will find everything you need," he flicked his wand again, "- in the store cupboard," (the door of the said cupboard sprang open) "- you have an hour and a half… start."

Ron nudged Harry, inclining his head towards Snape. Harry looked up from slicing his ingredients to look where Ron had indicated. At that moment Snape looked up from scolding Neville for slicing his ingredients too thick. Harry's eyes fell upon Snape's dark eyes, and they glittered.

"He's been glancing at you," whispered Hermione, as Snape whipped his head back quickly and busied himself with Draco, who was about to add the wrong ingredients to his cauldron.

"He's probably checking you haven't ran out the classroom," suggested Ron quietly, as Snape meandered around the cauldrons and workbenches, closer to them. Harry watched him draw near apprehensively, already checking if he was adding roots to his cauldron the right way.

Harry couldn't help but feel as though he was being watched as he stirred his potion. Harry could not contain the bad feeling of being spied on, he gave in and looked up. Harry's eyes immediately snapped up to find Professor Snape's, who was standing a few table's in front of him, seemingly demanding his attention. Snape's black eyes glinted. Their eyes held for a few moments and Harry wondered if Ron was right. Harry realised Snape's face was more relaxed and his dark eyes weren't cold. Harry turned his attention to his cauldron. Harry added the next ingredient, looking up to see how much closer his teacher had progressed towards him. His stomach lurched, he was sure he had done something wrong, and Snape was going to humiliate him.

Snape was at Goyle's cauldron, but before progressing any further towards Harry, Snape turned around, and returned to his desk. Harry was relieved, but he couldn't help feel a sense of foreboding at this sudden positive in potions. Harry was stirring his potion, Hermione nudged him. Harry looked to Snape in his desk. Snape's black eyes were on Harry, they were intense, Harry thought it might of been scorn, but Snape's pale face was smoothly relaxed and his eyes were wide. Harry and Snape searched each others eyes. Harry scrutinising Severus' dark eyes for any flicker of emotion. It was a long moment of eye contact before Harry's potion spat hot liquid onto his hand.

"Ow!"

Harry nursed his burning hand quickly, seeing his skin immediately turn a shade of angry red, Harry looked up quickly in alarm, Snape was coming over to him.

"You are doing it wrong," Professor Snape said bluntly, as he came to stand before Harry's work bench. Snape flicked his wand and Harry's cauldron was empty. Harry stared averted his eyes, instead he stared at Snape's arms folded over his chest. Snape snatched his hand up, examining the burn. Harry felt the spot where Snape's fingers lightly probed his skin burn. Harry watched Snape's long white fingers enclose around Harry's small wrist, he was surprised at how soft Snape's touch was, it was almost careful. Snape examined Harry's hand for a minute. Harry struggled against the compulsion to shuffle his feet. Snape was kindling a warmth in Harry's stomach, it filled Harry with jittery type of excitement. Snape opened his mouth, and Harry braced himself, "You would not have this burn if you were watching your potion," chided Snape coldly. "Hospital wing" Snape told him firmly.

**

Harry raced down the stairs of his dormitory, elated, hearing Ron and Hermione's soft voices as they entered the common room. Harry stopped dead, seeing Ron and Hermione sharing one of their 'looks'. "You alright, mate?" Ron asked curiously.

"Yeah... I don't know why she wanted me to take the whole day off," complained Harry.

"Let's see it," Hermione said. Harry averted his gaze, feeling embarrassed.

"I can't... The bandage is stuck," he held up his swollen and thickly wrapped hand. Hermione laughed lightly, and they sat down in their favourite arm chairs. Ron and Hermione exchanged furtive glances.

Harry had a sick feeling he wasn't going to like the conversation he was about to have. His stomach lurched uncomfortably as Hermione opened her mouth.

"Harry... Remember to bring your wand... and... er... I got you this," Hermione held out an a small aerosol can, "pepper spray," Hermione explained.

Harry stared at her incredulously, anger boiling in his stomach. "I am not my father!" Harry said furiously, "Snape is not going to attack me!"

"Harry, Snape was giving you his rape face!" cried Ron, trying to reason with Harry.

"I don't know why he stared at me, maybe it was because I was doing my potion wrong," Harry rushed, feeling his anger deflate oddly quick in his confusion. "...Whatever the reason, I don't think it is because he plans to rape me,"Harry explained slowly. Hermione opened her mouth to begin to say something.

"You said yourself Hermione, If we can't trust Dumbledore we can't trust anyone!" Harry reminded her furiously, his anger flaring suddenly.

And before Hermione or Ron could say anything more he stormed from the common room and slammed himself down on his bed seconds later.

But by six o'clock that evening Harry had forgotten all about what Hermione and Ron had said, and was trudging along the fire-lit corridor to Snape's office. Harry reached the door - being horribly reminded of the dream he had when back in the common room, earlier in the day - after the matron said he should spend the day resting. He had just put his head into his pillows when a vision became clear behind his lids, already dreaming, like a tape had been ready to play as soon as his eyes had closed.

He was once again walking down the corridor to Snape's dungeon, he had picked up the club once more, for protection. He was snatched into the classroom once again by Snape. Harry knew it was Snape again, knew what he was going to do to him. Harry knew he would torture him – but it was good torture – that made you writhe, wanting to rest from it because you couldn't handle it, but couldn't bare it if he stopped. He was filled with a raging impulse to rip off his shirt and offer his stomach to Snape... to get it over with.

He realised he wanted Snape's fingers to make his stomach clench and burn. He wanted Snape to show him his bloody fingers again.

With no dramatic blow, Snape poked Harry in the belly teasingly, drawing a moan from Harry, as his stomach filled with flames and lurched violently. Harry writhed against the wall, tossing his head from side to side, knowing he couldn't handle it, knowing he wanted to rest. Snape knew, but continued, he prodded him three more muscle-trembling times, teasingly, gauging Harry's shouts with an evil smirk. Harry had a feeling, as he watched Snape wait for Harry's brain to start functioning again, that Snape knew his power over Harry, and enjoyed watching it too much.

His stomach heaved, he knew he wanted Snape to do it again. To make more heat and flames. Snape pressed his finger into Harry suddenly, burning every inch of flesh he touched, Harry threw his head back and yelled. It was all too much... But he couldn't bare it if Snape stopped.

Harry felt blood drip down his stomach and onto his jeans. Snape took his finger out and in repeatedly, with a cruel smile, watching every reaction, every muscle quiver. Harry knew he was not going to let Harry rest.

"Now, you remember that" said Snape dangerously quiet, his face contorting into a horror-inspiring mask.

Harry took a deep breath, and pushed the door open. The shadowy room was lined with shelves bearing old leather-bound books and glass jars with slimy parts of animals and plants suspended in variously coloured potions. Harry's attention was drawn to the desk where a large stone basin etched with runes lay in a pool of candle light. Harry recognised it at once – it was Dumbledore's pensieve. Wondering what on Earth it was doing here, he jumped when Snape's voice came out of the shadows. "Shut the door behind you, Potter."

Harry did as he was told with a sinking feeling, hoping suddenly that Hermione and Ron weren't right, and that he didn't need the pepper spray.

When he turned back Snape slowly came into the light, all pallid and his black eyes wide, he pointed silently at the chair opposite his desk. Harry sat down and so did Snape, his wide black eyes fixed unblinkingly on Harry. Harry's eyes roved unblinkingly over the black satin of Snape's shirt. Harry was staring at the shiny material, wondering why Snape was in such a nice shirt, when he was startled by the sharp gasp of Snape. Harry's head snapped up, Snape's face betrayed a flicker of surprise, Harry had been caught. Snape knew what he was staring at, somehow, Harry didn't know if his face had betrayed him. Snape face contorted into tense anger, his wide eyes narrowed and glittered dangerously. Harry hoped Snape wouldn't be offended at Harry's wondering about why Snape was wearing a nice shirt. He opened his mouth to explain, but closed it, not knowing what to say. They sat for a moments silence, before Severus' tense voice broke it:

"This may not be an ordinary class,"said Snape, his eyes still narrowed, Harry felt it was now calculating though, "but, I am still your teacher and you will therefore call me 'sir' or 'professor'. Are we clear?"

Harry nodded.

"Now, As you know, I have been ordered by Professor Dumbledore to teach you Occlumency, as I told you in your dear god father's kitchen. Occlumency is a branch of magic that seals the mind against magical intrusion and influence," Harry opened his mouth to ask, Snape's eyes glittered a warning and continued talking, somehow knowing what Harry was going to ask, "Dumbledore wishes you to be able to seal your mind from the Dark Lord who is highly skilled at Legilimency, the ability to extract feelings and memories from another persons mind, because evidence suggests that at times, when your mind is most relaxed and vulnerable – when you sleep, for instance – you are sharing the Dark Lords thoughts and emotions. It appears that the Dark Lord has been unaware of the connection between you and himself until very recently."

Harry stared at Snape silently, preoccupied with the vision of Snape's satin-clad torso in his head, wondering why he had stared there and not the wall behind Snape's head... It would have been less dangerous. Snape's face betrayed a little annoyed confusion, and Harry's brows furrowed, wondering why.

Snape pulled out his wand from an inside pocket, drawing attention once more to his satin shirt, Harry averted his eyes from it quickly. He wondered whether this was the part where he needed the pepper spray, what was Snape going to do to Harry?

Snape merely raised his wand to the roots of his black hair. When he withdrew it, some silvery substance came away, stretched from his pale temple to his wand like a thick gossamer strand, which broke as he pulled his wand away and fell gracefully into the pensieve, where it swirled silvery-white, neither gas nor liquid. Snape did this many times over, without any explanation, he stood up, picked up the pensieve carefully and removed it to a shelf out of their way and returned to face Harry with his want at the ready.

"Stand up and take out your wand, Potter"

Harry got to his feet, feeling nervous. Snape's black eyes held Harry's across the desk.

"You may use your wand to defend yourself any way you can think of," said Snape.

"What are you going to do to me?" asked Harry, eyeing Snape's wand apprehensively.

"I will attempt to penetrate your mind. You will attempt to resist me," Snape said in a sharp voice.

"_Legilimens!_" shouted Snape.

The office swam in front of his eyes and vanished; image after image was racing through his mind like a flickering film so vivid it blinded him from his surroundings.

...He was in between his snarling godfather and Snape in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, and his breathing caught in his throat in alarm... He was in Snape's dungeon the very first lesson, and was writing down Snape's exact words on paper in awe... he was sitting under the sorting hat, it was telling him that he would do well in Slytherin... He was five, watching Dudley ride a new red bicycle, his heart bursting with jealousy... He was nine, and Ripper the bulldog was chasing him up a tree and the Dursleys were laughing below on the lawn... a hundred dementors were closing in on him beside the dark lake as he knelt over Sirius' body... Cho Chang was drawing nearer to him under the mistletoe...

_No, _said a voice in Harry's mind as the memory of Cho drew nearer, _your not watching that, it's private._

He felt a sharp pain in his knee. Snape's office had came back into view and he realised he had fallen to the floor, one of his knees collided painfully with the leg of Snape's desk. He looked up at Snape, who's wand was now beside his leg and he was rubbing his wrist where there was an angry welt. "Did you mean to produce a stinging hex?" asked Snape coolly.

Harry stared at Snape incredulously, expecting him to yell at Harry.

Harry blinked in shock, then shook his head.

"I thought not," said Snape contemptuously. "You let me get too far. You lost control."

"Did you see everything I saw?" Harry asked, wishing fervently that Snape hadn't.

"Flashes of it... To whom did the dog belong?"

"My Aunt Marge," muttered Harry. Harry thought he saw a flicker of surprise on Severus' face, but he couldn't be sure.

"Well, for a first attempt that was not as poor as it could have been," said Snape coldly. "Repel me with your mind, Harry. Then you needn't resort to your wand," advised Snape, equally cold.

"How?" said Harry angrily.

"Manners, Potter" said Snape reprovingly. "Now, I want you to close your eyes and let go of all emotion... let your mind go blank..."

Harry suddenly had a very Hermione-sounding voice in his head, who would not like the idea of Harry trusting Snape with his eyes closed. Harry did as he was told, although hesitantly.

Harry's mind would not go blank... He couldn't help thinking of what Sirius would say to him, if Sirius found out he had closed his eyes alone with Snape...

"You're not doing it, Potter... You will need more discipline than this... focus, now,"

Harry tried to empty his mind... but he couldn't help seeing Hermione with her hands on her hips.

"Let's go again... on the count of three... One - two - three – _Legilimens!_"

A great black dragon was rearing in front of him... His mother and father were waving at him out of an enchanted mirror... Cedric Diggory was lying on the ground with blank eyes staring at him...

"NOOOOO!"

Harry was on his knees again, his face buried in his hands, his brain aching as if Snape had been trying to pull the memory from his skull.

"Get up!" cried Severus sharply. "You are not trying! You are allowing me access to memories you fear!"

Harry stood up again, his heart pounding wildly as if he had really seen Cedric dead in the graveyard.

Snape looked paler than usual, his black wide eyes unfathomable, his face taught. Harry, shocked at Severus Snape's transformation, tried to detect a hint of his emotion in his eyes or face.

"I - am – trying," snarled Harry, as he saw bewilderment in Snape's wide black eyes.

"Not hard enough. The Dark Lord will penetrate your mind with absurd ease!" cried Snape. Harry stared at the bewilderment in Snape's eyes, and noticed the contrast of Snape's angry face, Harry wondered whether Snape put on an act all the time.

"Control your emotions, discipline your mind! Or find yourself easy pray for the Dark Lord!"

Harry realised he had been reading Snape wrong at that moment. Severus' eyes were outraged _and_ bewildered, but his face only showed the anger he felt. His arms were rigid, his face was taught, his mouth a thin line of anger. Harry stopped his eyes roving before Snape could notice.

"We shall try again. One – Two – Three – _Legilimens!_"

… He was helping Lupin restrain his snarling Godfather... He raised his wand against Severus in the shrieking shack, watching him slide down the wall, the red blood oozing from his hairline... Lupin was instructing him on the patronus charm... a sneering Severus Snape stepped out of the cupboard, as a boggart... Harry was holding onto Cedric's body as everyone cheered, unaware of the tragedy, for Harry who had won the Triwizard cup...

Harry was on all fours again in Snape's office, his head in his hands. Harry got up, to see Severus staring at him, Severus' face was determinedly blank, but his black eyes were wide and bewildered. Harry detected a flicker of anger on Snape's face. Harry wondered why Severus had lifted his wand before Harry had the chance to fight back.

"What happened there, Potter?" Snape asked, his bewildered eyes flashing with anger.

"Where?" Harry asked quickly.

"_Where Lupin was" _Snape's voice was strained and angry.

"He was teaching me how to repel a dementor"

"Do you frequently put yourself in dangerous positions like that?" asked Snape, through his clenched teeth.

"Lupin isn't dangerous!" Harry yelled furiously.

"Don't yell at me!" Snape hissed. "I was merely wondering whether you enjoy the company of dangerous teachers."

"Like you," Harry muttered under his breath. Snape didn't say anything, but Harry thought he saw a flicker of amusement in those unfathomable black eyes.

"We will continue this at the same time on Wednesday."

**

When Harry sat down opposite Harry and Hermione, he caught sight of his reflection in the opposite window; he was pale and his green eyes were wide. "Harry? Are you all right?" Hermione asked, standing up, looking horrified.

"Yeah... Fine... I dunno," said Harry, trying to stop analysing Snape's actions.

"He didn't try to -"

"RON!" scolded Hermione loudly, to the outrage of Madam Pince.

"No!" yelled Harry exasperated, knowing what Ron was about to say. "Listen..."

Then he told them about the emotion contrast in Snape's features, and what memories Snape had uncovered.

"How can you see emotion in _his_ eyes?" Ron asked incredulously.

"You can tell if you stare at them long enough," said Harry impatiently, "You have to keep eye contact in Legilimency," Harry explained at Ron's dumbfounded expression.

"And... You're sure you saw these emotions?" asked Hermione.

"Yes. He was outraged when he found out I had been alone with Lupin -"

"Snape hates Lupin. So that could be just normal."

"so then why would he be outraged that I was near him. A year ago I would have thought Snape would've wanted Lupin to kill me."

"I'm with Harry. I reckon Snape was warning you when he brought up the subject of dangerous teachers," murmured Ron.

"So... You think... Snape's hiding his feelings for you?"

"No, his feelings in general," said Harry in shock.

"That's his business," reproved Hermione. "I think you should be more worried about what kind of memories he's digging up... All the one's with him in it"


	4. God Father Duties

Lupin frowned deeply, his bed swung underneath him across the knight bus's floor, staring at his knuckles.

_Would Severus ever touch Harry? _Remus shook his head, inwardly, in answer.

_Snape hasn't shown Harry any positive feelings towards him. Snape liked James. That's the way it is. Harry is very different from James, Snape knows that. Snape is attracted to James and knows that Harry is _not_ James. _Remus hoped he was right, wished... wished he could ignore the opposing evidence.

Remus stopped himself, things went horribly wrong in all aspects of life if you ignore certain signals, and Remus could never live with himself if we are all wrong and Harry gets raped by Snape. He couldn't tell himself Harry was safe anymore, for his own consolation, when he might not be.

_That's it... Things like this shouldn't be ignored... I can't ignore the evidence Snape has given by what he has said. If Snape ever hurts Harry... I trust Dumbledore. Remus, you can't ignore the evidence, _Remus told himself.

_By what Snape said in the order of the phoenix, he has been tortured by Harry ever since he set foot in this school because he is reminded of James. What he said: _ "I am cruel to Harry Potter to keep him safe!"

_What does this mean? Does he have feelings for Harry? The only reason that I can think of why he would say that, is that he _is _in love with Harry and that he has suppressed these feelings, so that he does not pursue Harry too early... _"I will not touch you unless you ask to be"..._He is suppressing his feelings ... 'unless you ask to be'. That means that he _would_ touch Harry, but he won't! Or... that he is so reminded of James when he looks at Harry that he is confused between the two and is constantly in pain, and Harry is in danger of Snape acting inappropriately towards him, as if Harry is James! _

Remus took a deep breath.He rubbed his forehead, he stopped ranting for a second.

_I think Snape loves Harry... for Harry, not James. It _is_ more likely. Severus never so much as looked at James after _that _night. _

Remus remembered James after that night, at first disgusted, then disturbed and quiet, his face rigid and stubbornly angry. Remus remembered Snape, silent, smooth-faced. Remus could only imagine what he felt inside.

_And when he said: _"He's coming of age."

Remus was suddenly reminded of the way that werewolves talk of their mates.

_Coming of age... What could this mean to Snape though? Snape isn't, can't be, a werewolf. This is probably as if... Severus is attracted to Harry, but he's waiting for Harry to grow up... And if he was a werewolf... How does he even know Harry has come of age? Werewolves can sense, smell those sorts of changes in their imprint... But Snape can't have imprinted on Harry. He'd have to be a werewolf for that. Maybe... Snape's noticed changes in Harry, watched how he's grown up, and is _now _attracted to him, now that he has come of age. _

Remus sighed, frustrated.

_Don't ignore it Remus... Snape knew _exactly _when Harry had come of age. The Triwizard Tournament was the night that rocked Severus Snape's world, tore that mat from underneath his feet.... The night he realized he loved Harry Potter. _

Remus remembered smelling the change in Harry after the Triwizard Tournament, and sighed again.

Remus was thrown forward, the knight bus had come to an abrupt stop at the front of Grimmauld place. Remus sighed, righting himself, staring at the gloomy building, and thinking about the raging mood Sirius would be in. Remus was worried – What will he say to Sirius, and how will he discuss Harry with Sirius. Remus thanked Stan Shunpike, smiling, despite his inner worries, and stepped out onto the footpath of Grimmauld place.

_At least, the very least, I know that Snape hasn't imprinted on Harry, _Remus thought as he strode up to the doorway of number twelve. _ I would know if Snape was a werewolf, _Remus laughed inwardly, _Imagine Sirius if Snape had werewolf imprinted on Harry. _Remus remembered Sirius being fascinated about the strength of werewolf imprint. Suddenly, Remus shivered thinking of trying to protect Harry from a _werewolf_ Severus Snape that had imprinted – it would be terrible, and nearly impossible. He walked through the doorway quietly, relieved at _that _thought, that he didn't have to tell Sirius that Snape had imprinted on Harry. Remus knew Sirius was upstairs with Buckbeak, busying himself. Remus thundered up the stairs.

"Sirius, I'm sure Buckbeak is clean enough," Remus assured Sirius, ambling into the room.

Sirius continued to preen Buckbeak's feathers, ignoring Buckbeak's orange glare, without looking at the frowning Lupin. Lupin crossed the floor quickly, concerned, and caught Sirius' hands where they were working maniacally, and softly held them still. "Sirius... He will be fine," Lupin reassured silkily, knowing that nor him nor Dumbledore would allow Snape to rape Harry..

"I'm supposed to be there for him! I'm his Godfather!"

"I know. Harry doesn't need your protection though. He's fine on his own."

Lupin stood behind Sirius and pulled him back against him, hands tight around Black's stomach, lowering his head onto Sirius's shoulder, hoping Harry _was _fine on his _own_.

"He'll bite you if you keep bothering him Sirius," Lupin murmured in Sirius Black's ear, indicating the glowering Buckbeak. Sirius sighed along sigh – he waited to give in for a few more moments. Lupin watched Sirius warmly and expectantly, his head resting over Sirius's shoulder. Lupin smiled as Sirius finally pressed his body back against him, and rested his head back on Lupin's shoulder. They stood there, wrapped around each other, each forgetting their worries. Each letting go of worries, ready to love each other.

Lupin rested against Sirius until he knew it was time for him to act, he knew Sirius was romanced enough with a comforting embrace; he sighed, he felt it was time for Sirius to release his frustrations. Sirius had obviously waited for Remus as well, his midsection kindled. Sirius reached up to entwine his arms around Remus's neck. Remus lifted his head and lay the first soft kiss against Sirius's neck. Sirius's breath stopped in his throat suddenly as he felt the sound kiss. Sirius caught the material on Remus's hip. Remus smiled, he knew Sirius was reacting quickly as always. Sirius's hand groped around the front of Remus's pants and Lupin grunted as Sirius's hand roughly clasped his member.

"Sirius," Remus whispered as Sirius's hand enveloped his member warmly, and stroked.

Buttons rolled across the floor, ripped from Sirius Black's shirt. Remus made a trail of small kisses up and down Sirius's exposed neck. Sirius rubbed furiously at Remus's growing hardness, Remus groaning into Sirius's neck. Lupin grinned, playfully kissing Sirius's nose. Sirius sighed, eager excitement thudding through his every vein. Lupin slid his hands down, raking as he went, down into Sirius's tented pants, grabbing the object of manliness. Lupin banished Sirius's torn shirt with a silent spell. Remus groaned, he had forgotten what he was going to do next, it was so hard to think when Sirius still stroked him so avidly. It caused him to do things he'd deny much later. Remus chuckled inwardly, remembering times like these, spent with hands stuffed down each others pants – and afterward – when Sirius would imitate some of the sounds Remus had made, which embarrassed him so much he denied he made _any_ sound at all.

Lupin smiled, feeling Sirius's pulsating member and gently undid Sirius's trousers with bubbling glee. Sirius was not so careful as he yanked Lupin's pants down to his knees, holding Lupin by the ass and pressing him against himself.

"You are such a passionate lover," Lupin murmured to Sirius truthfully.

Sirius groaned in response, his bright silver eyes scrunching closed, brows furrowing.

Remus wondering why Sirius's groan had cut off so quickly, he saw Sirius's hair sway in a gust of wind. Was the window open? Remus looked to the source of the gust – a hippogriff named Buckbeak, who was eyeing him warily, claws poised. Sirius sighed, stepping out of his pants, leaving Remus in disgruntlement. "It's all right Buckbeak"

Remus followed him, smiling, he nudged Sirius over to his mothers bed, pushed him down into it softly and knelt between Sirius's spread legs. Sirius looked up at him, features peaceful, eyes focused on Remus. Remus's hands roved over Sirius's tattooed chest, shuffling closer to cross swords with his lover. "Remus," Sirius whispered, slightly exasperated, "stop with the foreplay and fuck me." With this, although he had seldom been on top before, Remus placed his cock to Sirius's entrance, he grabbed Sirius's hips firmly.

Sirius's facial features changed from peaceful to alarmed. Sirius was suddenly on top of Remus.

"Sorry Remus. It... It just doesn't feel right on the bottom," Sirius said frowning at his lover. Remus nodded, he knew Sirius needed to let out his frustrations, Remus knew Sirius did that best relieving the weeks frustrations with hot sex. Sirius groped Remus's hips and yanked him up onto his knees, Remus was wary of how hard Sirius was going to be, although Sirius would never hurt him to be cruel. Remus knew he would lean over his back and whisper something to him, like so many times before, Sirius did slowly, mouth to his ear, Sirius whispered, "I'm sorry... This might hurt."

Sirius towed Remus onto the pillows by the hips. Remus rearranged pillows for his head. Sirius positioned himself in between Remus's buttocks and pushed into him slowly, groaning as he went. Loving the feeling of Remus envelope him softly. Remus lowered his head into the pillows, pushing back into Sirius eagerly,"urgh," was all he could manage to express.

"You okay?" Sirius whispered, squeezing Remus's hips. Remus nodded, ignoring the dull pain the first thrust of the night brings. Sirius pulled out slowly, almost all the way, moaning as he went. A shimmering feeling in his cock. And then back in as slowly, savoring the feeling of arousal. Remus knew Sirius was relishing in the feeling of his dick, and the feeling of Remus around him. Remus knew he would start making love to him slow and then slam into him until he could take no more. His love had been so frustrated lately, he would probably have Remus until he cried... Sirius had done so before.

Sirius rubbed Remus's hips soothingly, he hoped it didn't hurt Remus a lot. Sirius knew the first few thrusts would hurt a lot, then less and less with each. Sirius pulled out totally, waited a moment, and slowly penetrated again. Sirius hoped Remus would get use to his size quickly, because he just wanted to pound him into the pillows. Again and Again. "Urgh... Sirius... just do it..." Sirius drew out a few inches and thrusted in, his throbbing cock rubbing sensually against the cushion-like walls of Remus. Sirius did it again. Drawing moans from Remus. Sirius groaned. Sirius withdrew himself more inches than the last time. Sirius was determined not to go too fast, knowing guiltily that Remus had had no lubricant. Remus smacked Sirius's hip, annoyed, "Sirius!"

"What? What do want?" said Sirius playfully, grinning.

"Fuck me" Remus moaned, he wanted Sirius to be relieved, he wanted to make love with Sirius. Sirius obliged, pulling all the way out and hammering back into Remus, eliciting a _loud_ moan from Remus. Remus's cry was like fuel to the fire in his veins. Remus's cry had caused his stiff cock to twitch inside Remus. That was it. With that one cry, Sirius lost all composure. And then he was going for gold.

Sirius had his way repeatedly with Remus. Thrusting in hard to the hilt every time. Bruising Remus's prostate. Forcing loud and constant yells and shouts from Remus. Remus's head burying in the pillows with each thrust, the pillows growing damp with sweat. Remus was exhausted, his prostate throbbing, his forehead sweating, his back aching, and at the end of the day he wouldn't be able to walk straight. Remus, to be honest, would have tried to think of a time when Sirius had rode him this hard – but he couldn't think. All he could think was ' _Merlin' _and_ 'Sirius!' _Remus and Sirius's bodies collided together hard. Even harder than the last. Remus was startled. He wasn't even sure that was possible. He thought Sirius was giving Remus his _all _two minutes ago. Thought Sirius would come any second. Remus didn't know he could wait any longer. Sirius continued to hammer Remus. So direct. Pin-point on Remus's prostate. Every time, pin-point. Bang, bang, bang. His cries became desperate. Remus _definitely _couldn't hold on much longer. Sirius slammed in again, with an exact precision. Remus moaned sharply. Remus would come any second, now. The finishing thrust so close. Anything would push him over the edge, and he would come, violently. Sirius charged in again. Hitting Remus's prostate. Remus's belly tightened. His legs shook. Any second now he'd be thrown into oblivion. Any second. "Stay with me Remus!" shouted Black, exhausted, as he slammed in once more.

"Ahh!" was all Remus could manage. Sirius grinned. Remus was almost spilling... so close. Any second. His head would be in the clouds any second. Sirius became one with Remus with a last thud... and Remus came screaming. Sirius thought he could do at least two more thrusts... but the sound of Remus threw him into unfathomable, enigmatic ecstasy. Sirius slumped over Remus, still inside him, who was trembling violently.

**

Remus was suddenly cold, the blankets had been uplifted, he pulled them up again and rolled over, groaning at the pain in his bottom. Remus stretched out, and was ready to settle into sleep again, but Remus could hear Sirius's heart beat growing fainter and fainter. Remus awoke with a start, disconnecting himself from his dream quickly, so that his head spun. He threw himself from the bed, growling deeply. Remus was so angry with Sirius. Sirius needed his rest. Sirius had always stayed and cuddled him until he woke. They had always awoke together! Remus staggered down the stairs after Sirius, hitting walls with his shoulders and tripping up. He jumped down the last few steps and caught Sirius by the back of his cloak. "You promised -" Remus began loudly, holding Sirius's cloak firmly.

"I'm his Godfather!" Sirius yelled explosively, wrenching his cloak from Remus and turning to face him, his silver eyes wide with fury.

Remus stopped. He knew what it was doing to Sirius not being able to help the order, but now, not being able to help his godson...

"Sirius... Hogwarts is the safest place -" Remus begun calmly.

"Not now! The danger is inside the walls, Remus!" Sirius shouted.

"Harry will be fine," Remus assured.

"How do you know?" Sirius shouted, shaking with anger, "_He is a Death Eater, Remus!!_"

Remus jumped inwardly with shock. Remus's brain crunched, working furiously, _Snape _was _a Death Eater. He was acquitted... What does that have to do with - _

"How do you what that," Sirius shuddered, searching corners of the room as if _literally _looking for words, "what that _Death Eater _is capable of doing to my God son?" Finished Sirius, spitting the word 'Death Eater' with disgust.

Remus stared. Things clicking into place.

"So what? Now you're trying to leave in the middle of the night?" bellowed Remus.

Sirius looked as shocked as if to take a step back, he shook himself, then stared outraged, at Remus.

"YES!" Remus glared, angry, and concerned with Sirius, "Because you and Dumbledore are so eager to sit idle by while my Godson is an _inch _away from being _raped by a Death Eater!_"

Remus shook himself once more, scared he was hearing what he was. Sirius was trying to make somebody listen, he needed somebody to listen, he _needed _to look after his God Son.

Remus took a step closer, softly caught Sirius's chin, stared into his eyes calmly.

"So, Sirius. You were just going to leave?" Remus asked softly.

"Everyone doesn't care about Harry – Doesn't believe -"

"You aren't leaving this house, please, let me go," Sirius stared with realization, "let me go and look after Harry."

"And let you do my job, my _responsibility_, of looking after Harry, of being his Godfather!"

"Yes, Sirius. For me. I don't want to loose you again," said Remus softly, kissing Sirius soundly. Sirius blinked.

"I'll go to Hogwarts, I'll make sure Snape doesn't get to Harry. Merlin, I'll even sit in on his Occlumency lessons if it means you not being caught."

Sirius nodded.


	5. Ron's Knowledge

**Just a short chapter – sorry I haven't updated sooner. Been really busy. Just short chapter but there is something _really BIG_ coming up soon so keep holding on. Monochrome Factor.**

"So, besides having to spend extra time with Snape, how bad was Occlumency?" Ron asked.

"I expect anyone would feel shaky if they'd just had their mind attacked over and over again," said Hermione sympathetically.

"I don't like Occlumency," said Harry bluntly.

"I suggest next time you use your wand," suggested Ron with an uplifted expression, "Snape _did _say you could defend yourself." Harry grinned.

"He would probably _still_ give you detention if you hexed him, _ so don't,_" Hermione advised.

"And Harry's supposed to stand there, getting his mind attacked?" asked Ron incredulously, "I say, look over in the restricted section for nasty spells and practice them on him," said Ron, staring avidly in the restricted sections direction.

"Yeah... I wonder if there's a spell in there that'll get Snape away from any memory too private," mused Harry wistfully.

"Probably not, so I suggest you practice Occlumency," Hermione advised, "Let's get back to the common room, we'll be a bit more comfortable there."

But the common room was packed full of shrieks and laughter. Harry found himself going to bed early.

Harry groaned inwardly, he was once again walking down the fire-lit corridor to Snape's dungeon class room. The heavy dungeon door lay open in the long stone corridor. Harry hoped this dream would be totally different, hoped Snape would not torture Harry this time. He walked through the door slowly, into Snape's classroom. Snape sat behind his desk, muttering to himself as he peered eagerly into a crystal ball. Harry never thought Snape would be so keen on divination. He never thought Snape would trust in a crystal ball. Harry wondered what he was seeing in that oddly clear crystal. But, the moment he did, Snape's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed evilly, and the crystal ball disappeared.

"Professor Snape -"Harry begun, but all of a sudden, Hermione was there, prodding him into the room with Snape. She smiled at Harry as she shut the heavy door behind her.

"Potter,"cracked Snape's voice, unusually harsh and startling – although, perhaps it was the notable one-on-one situation, perhaps it was that his voice was startling from the dark gloom, perhaps it was that something in Snape's eyes cracked and broke at the same moment his voice did.

"Sit down"

Harry moved to sit at his usual table, the furthest away from Snape, but the room chimed deafeningly, and suddenly all the walls stood back and the workstations around him became separators from a vast crowd filing into the room.

In one chime, the room had become a vast court for an audience, him and Snape in the middle.

Harry sat down behind a rickety school desk, on a small chair, that had appeared in the spotlight in front of Snape's desk.

The room darkened, people started, Snape was suddenly leaning over his desk. As Harry eyed Snape wearily, he heard shouting in the distance. The audience listened intently as the shouting became decipherable.

"He is just a boy!" reproved Mrs Weasley.

"He is _not_ James. Don't you see the difference? Harry is just a boy!" came Sirius's angry voice.

"He is coming of age," Snape murmured, ".much like his father," he continued disconnectedly.

Snape's length fully unfolded, casting Harry into shadows, and he advanced on Harry painfully slow, his eyes intense. Harry watched, as Snape took deliberate and slow steps, with each step Harry's stomach jerked and his heart raced faster. "I won't touch you unless you ask to be," murmured Snape silkily. Harry remembered hearing that before the start of the term in his godfathers house.

Harry jerked awake with a gasp. He had just heard the argument in Sirius's kitchen all over again - it wasn't something he wanted to relive. He sighed in relief, he had finally stopped himself from dreaming this weird repetitive dream. Harry settled back into the pillows, wondering whether he could now stop his dreams because of Occlumency. Harry mulled this over, as he readied to sleep, but the moment he closed his eyes he was back in the dark potions classroom, Snape towering over him, audience leaning over the workstations eager to catch every word.

"You've had this coming since the moment you stepped foot in this castle," sneered Snape, leaning over Harry. Without no further ado, Snape lunged his big pale face at harry, Harry wondered what he was doing, then Snape's lips caught his. Harry's stomach plunged. Snape's lips held Harry's for a moment, then Harry broke away. "Snape!" Harry was surprised at his own voice, somewhere between a moan and a shout. Harry's stomach clenched hotly. "No!" Harry pleaded, "Not this again! Please Snape!" Harry clenched his eyes tight, hoping to Merlin that Snape wouldn't do that, wouldn't touch Harry's stomach making him burn and moan all hot like. Harry heard footsteps, they grew louder and louder, and he heard Snape gasp and straighten. It was a moment before Snape or the intruder said anything. Then Snape snorted unceremoniously at the new arrival. Harry opened his eyes. "Lupin!" Harry gasped gratefully. "Where's Sirius?"

Harry stopped. He realised in horror, hands were snaking up legs, down his hips, over his chest. Harry knew Lupin was looking for them, but he just couldn't see them. Harry knew that if Lupin could see them, he would stop them, but he couldn't. Harry shivered and groaned. "Get them off me! Stop this!" Harry yelled at Snape, who's face was blank and his eyes unreadable. Harry scowled, trying to rip away from the hands that weren't there, but he could still feel, scraping along his body hungrily. Harry yelled. It seemed unusually loud.

He awoke with a jolt. Harry was struck with horror. He wondered, with a feeling of great trepidation, whether he actually shouted out in his bed, asleep.

His question was answered in the very next morning. Harry sat down in the great hall, as normal. When he looked up Ron was stared at him, eyes wide, expression disturbed.

"_What_ _happened_ _to you last night_?" said Ronald loudly. He took a deep breath, a green tinge appearing in his face, "it sounded like you – you were shouting Snape's name!"

"Shout it out for the world to hear, Ron!" encouraged Harry sarcastically. "I just – had a weird dream -"

"A few more like it," Ron corrected - Harry looked up in utter horror, could Ron possibly know? "What's happening to you?"

Hermione, who had been staring most intensely this whole time, had no clue what Ron or Harry were talking about. "What?" she spluttered loudly.

"Shhh!" Harry urged, looking about defensively for onlookers.

"- At least it wasn't like your last dream," continued Ron disconnectedly. Harry stared. Had Ron heard all of his dreams? Had he been sitting up at night listening for sounds, or had everyone in his dorm hear him?

He had to ask finally.

"Do I – talk – in my sleep?" asked Harry.

"well, sorta moan really," amended Ron lightly.

Harry stared in horror.

"I was going to ask you, the first time – but I think I'd rather not know if it involves Professor Snape," gulped Ron, his face holding the green tinge. "You've been worrying me Harry. Please tell me you're not having wet dreams about our teacher."

"Ron – no – I'm not, I swear. He was – placing a spell on me," this was one of the few times Harry had ever had to lie to Ron, but he just couldn't think of any other explanation. This was the only way his friends would understand it. Harry told Hermione and Ron about his dream with Severus yanking him into his classroom and – well, Harry told them as best he could...

"In the dream... I'm walking along the corridor towards Snape's classroom. The I see a bat, pick it up for defense, but never end up using it, I get yanked into the room with Severus Snape - and he – does things to me"

Hermione raised her brows. Ron's mouth dropped.

Harry spluttered in explaining. "You know – how I told you about how I felt being hugged by Snape. Like he was doing – something – to me. Well -"

He tried to sum it up the best way he could... that the dreams were telling him that Snape was responsible for the feeling in his belly, that he was casting spells on him, that he was making Harry feel this way.

There was a moment where Hermione and Ron just stared at Harry.

"What the hell have you been smoking?" Ron blurted.

"I am sure Harry is as shocked as we are" Hermione assured Ron, nudging him in the arm. "How the hell do you look at Snape every morning after these dreams?" asked Ron incredulously.

Harry had the feeling he wasn't meant to answer this.


	6. A Disruption in the Potions Classroom

Remus watched the ink blot of Severus Snape in the Great Hall, far away from Harry Potter's ink splotch, on the marauders map. Remus sighed gratefully, Sirius would never have forgiven himself if Severus and Harry were alone in a secluded part of the castle when Remus checked on him. Did Remus really expect anything? Sure Sirius Black wouldn't doubt 'Snivellus's' paedophilia. But however his lover feels, Remus believes that Severus wouldn't rape Harry, although he wonders whether Snape _actually _has feelings for Harry. He had been trying to piece together certain pieces of information that Snape had given him, or rumours about the castle when he was young, but Remus was unsure whether to rely on this information, however disconnected, confusing and unreliable the evidence seemed.

His mood darkened.

Of course, it didn't matter now. It didn't matter whether he didn't believe it. It didn't matter whether Dumbledore – the greatest sorcerer in the world – didn't believe it. Dumbledore trusted Snape and that wasn't enough for Sirius. It didn't matter what Remus believed, Remus wanted. Remus had to spy, convince, trick, force or torture the information out of Snape. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to use anything and everything to get information he'd rather not know. But he had to... for Sirius.

Remus shook himself, rousing himself out of his thoughts, having recognised Hogsmeade through the windows of the Knight Bus. He huffed. He would be arriving at Hogwarts soon. Remus hauled his large suitcase along the floor of the Knight bus, thinking whether he would have to beg the headmaster into letting him into the school, upon seeing that he did plan to stay awhile (the bulging suitcase being large evidence). Remus wondered what he would even say to the headmaster, but Sirius had assured him that Remus would be fine, that Dumbledore could contact him if he had a problem. Speaking of Sirius _making sure_ that he was accepted into the school grounds, Minerva and Filch were standing at the gates, making Remus wonder what Sirius had done to get Remus a welcoming party.

Remus thanked Ernie, the Knight Bus driver, and Stan Shunpike, and hauled his suitcase off the bus to meet his former teacher and colleague.

"Hello, Remus. Dumbledore had received a letter about your arrival and has asked me to escort you into the castle. I am unsure why you are here," she added with a stern gaze, her lip puckering slightly, "but I am sure that you will explain all to the headmaster, as there are no teaching posts -"

"And there will be so many rows with parents who don't want a werewolf inside the castle for no reason," supplied Filch haughtily.

"More or less exactly, Lupin," said Minerva boldly, " you best have a good reason," suggested Minerva eyeing Lupin's heavy suitcase. Remus had a feeling that rumours of Snape had travelled around fast, and to Minerva, who suspected Remus would be here on Sirius's behalf, knowing Sirius's fury with his incapability to carry out his Godfather duties. Remus just hoped – for Sirius's sake – that he would be able to get in the castle. Although Sirius wasn't below Remus emerging from the back of the One-Eyed Witch, if need be, after all he was protecting his god son.

"Remus Lupin," called Dumbledore from his study.

"Professor Dumbledore," Remus greeted, "Thank you for seeing me," added Lupin.

"Now," started Dumbledore, eyes twinkling, as Remus took a seat, "I have no doubt that a certain, Sirius Black, is responsible for your recent whereabouts."

"Yes sir - I wouldn't have come – I know the difficulty – Safety reasons - the parents of the school," Remus stuttered quietly. Dumbledore silenced him gently, his eyes still twinkling. Remus looked up , stopping his brows from furrowing.

"Remus, I understand how Sirius must be feeling and I want to assure him that no harm will come to Harry, not that you haven't already tried to convince Sirius of that."

Remus nodded. Dumbledore sighed deeply, rubbing his temples and sinking deeper into his chair. "How long do you think it will take to convince Sirius that Harry is in no danger?"

Remus stared. It took a moment for Remus to realise that the headmaster might allow him to stay temporarily. "I think until I have seen Severus and Harry alone – maybe 2 weeks, sir."

"In this time, will you follow Harry Potter? Will you accompany him to his Occlumency lessons, his potions classes?" asked Dumbledore, smiling.

"Yes, sir. I fear he might think I did the job half-heartedly if I didn't take this to it's fullest extent"

"Yes, Sirius is quite fond of provoking Severus Snape -"

"Even as a boy," Remus agreed humorously.

"Severus will not take kindly to your arrival. He will likely know why you are here – expect him to act in a way most unpleasant," Remus smiled in answer, "I trust in your _skills _as a former student to stay out of sight in the castle." Remus nodded, containing a smile, knowing Dumbledore was meaning the marauders map, when he said _skills_.

"Harry will be starting double potions soon." At this statement Remus took his leave with deep thanks to Dumbledore.

This wasn't Remus. Remus disapproved of skulking about like he was now.

But here he was... for Sirius.

He was watching in on breakfast in the Great Hall from a distant corridor, careful to not make a noise. Had he been a normal visitor, he would have joined breakfast - Remus being a werewolf and knowing the fierce rumours that would spread, preferred to stay here, hidden. Sirius was crazy to ask such a thing, but here he was. Remus searched out Snape at the staff table.

Remus sighed, puzzled. He had thought about everything Severus had said on that day in Grimmauld place, but still hadn't come to a sound conclusion of Snape's feelings. Remus supposed some things just wouldn't make sense if you didn't know the person well enough.

Severus, as of the moment, was speaking quietly to Professor Dumbledore. Remus observed the pallid nature of Severus Snape. Severus Snape was always pale and thin, and had been so for a very long time. Remus had studied what happened in Grimmauld place so many times, he had begun to notice that Snape had changed a fair bit since then. Severus's face seemed to have a bit more width, less thin, less bony. His nose had been straightened, slightly. His skin was in better condition, less chalky, more smooth. He looked as if he had washed his hair too. Since Grimmauld place, Severus seemed to be doing well. Which puzzled Lupin – because he would have thought all the rumours would have pushed Snape deeper into the shadows.

It was Sirius's fault there was rumours about Snape and Harry now; it had spread to the members of the order, to inside the ministry of magic. Merlin knows why it hasn't been on the cover of the daily prophet. And Remus knew what rumours could do to a person, especially if it reached the parents of Hogwarts – Remus remembered dealing with his resignation from his teaching post.

As Remus looked at Severus he could not help but feel a sense of respect for him, he had endured much hardship. Remus sighed again. This respect or sympathy for Snape was difficult for Remus. He didn't want to put Severus through this... but he had to know Severus's feelings for Harry. Sirius had to know Severus's feelings for Harry.

Speaking of Harry, Lupin looked over to the Gryffindor table. Lupin stiffened as he saw Harry looked around defensively. Lupin wondered what had caused Harry to do this... he relaxed, he remembered trying to have private conversations with Sirius when there were so many nosy companions around. But then Harry looked at the staff table, and Lupin saw Harry's eyes catch and hold the eyes of Severus Snape. Lupin looked from Harry to Severus. Their eyes had only held for a moment. A moment too long. Long enough for Remus to know there was _something _going on between them. Remus gasped.

As soon as Ron had finished speaking, Harry knew exactly what he had meant. Harry had looked around defensively, and then glanced up at the staff table. His eyes caught the eyes of a certain raven-haired professor. As soon as Snape's black eyes held Harry's, he was in the dungeon classroom looking into the large eyes of Snape in his dream and then he was kissed. Snape's eyes widened as Harry could feel his cheeks reddening. Ron was right, he couldn't look at Professor Snape after that dream. Harry looked down, embarrassed. Harry was not so confident he could walk into Double potions any more.

Although, after all that Hermione had to say on the matter, Harry ended up trudging into potions anyway. Snape came swiftly into potions, robes rippling about his feet. Harry noticed the twitchy manner in which Snape walked, it was fast and abrupt. Harry also noted how his shoulders looked in his black robes – round shouldered yet there was an abruptness about them, they were a prominent angular feature. His robes were long, and thick, they fitted Snape perfectly. Snape called the role quietly. He then set a very difficult potion for them all to do. Snape then turned, quickly, and sat in his desk. Harry shook his head. _What?_ Harry had just realised he hadn't heard a word of what he had said. Harry had just looked at Snape and thought about his dream. Snape started talking... and he was just imagining Snape, standing tall in his black robes, face pale and serious, black eyes wide as he drew closer to Harry in this dream.

Harry looked to Hermione, "What are we doing?" he hissed urgently.

"Page 164," Hermione snapped.

She looked furious.

Harry had wondered what he had done wrong to get that reaction from Hermione. Harry shrugged and turned to page 164. Snape had set one of the most difficult potions. Harry was sure even Snape knew it was too hard – precise timing, clock-wise turns, precise colouration. Harry was sure Neville would be blown up, Harry was sure that Snape _knew_ Neville would be blown up. Hermione had looked positively gleeful at the chance to do a difficult potion - she must have the precise idea of how to do this potion and she picked today to have a problem with Harry copying her work. Potions was going to _excellent. _

Harry might as well give up and sit down, he had no clue what the text book was on about, and he was sure that every one else had known what to do because they had gotten their ingredients.

_Oh no! _Snape had just spotted Harry puzzling over the books instructions, when he was supposed to be getting his ingredients. Harry didn't know what he was doing. He just stopped what he was doing. He just starting staring at Snape. Snape approached, swiftly, his eyes locked on Harry. Severus stopped in front of him, eyeing the wide-eyed Potter. Harry didn't move.

"Mr Potter, Why have you not got your ingredients?"

Harry opened his mouth. The door knocked. _Yes! _Harry though. Harry quickly scrambled out of Snape's way, leaving him behind, slightly baffled. "I'll get it" Harry added as he walked to the door, to the wide-eyed, open-mouthed Snape.

"No you will not! What do you think you are doing, Potter?" Snape asked sternly.

"Getting the door -"

"_Sit down!_" commanded Snape. He stepped around Harry swiftly and went to the door. Harry watched Snape, cloak billowing, opening the door.

Standing in the doorway, was a baffling sight. This was too good for potions. Standing tall in the doorway was Remus Lupin, smiling at him.

"Lupin!"

RPOV

Remus watched as Snape's robes flew around the corner, then he moved. Remus could not believe this idea that he had. This would _definitely _satisfy Sirius. Although, he might hurt Harry.

Remus's brows pulled together at the thought. Harry would understand... eventually. Remus had asked himself whether this was worth more than Harry's friendship. But then again, he had to tell himself, you would lose your lover, if you did not lose Harry. And Harry would understand... eventually. He wouldn't lose Harry's friendship forever. Remus still shuddered at the idea, even though it would _definitely _tell him whether Severus had feelings for Harry, and it would _definitely _shut Sirius up.

He took a deep breath and knocked.

Snape opened the door. Severus's eyes widened as he took in his visitor standing in his doorway. Remus frowned, concerned with the way you could see the whites of Severus's eyes. "Severus," Remus greeted, noticing Harry peeking around Snape's elbow, he smirked, "I was wondering whether I could -"

Snape's shocked expression was quickly replaced with outrage. His eyes narrowed, his jaw-line set, his fingers slightly shaking on his crossed arms. Remus noticed with a small gasp Harry staring at the reactions of professor Snape, his green eyes wide, and then they narrowed with suspicion at Snape's shaking fingers. There was definitely something going on. "What are you doing here? You're endangering my students -" Snape spat.

Remus was stricken."Professor Snape!" Remus was shocked, Severus would normally have pulled him into a private conversation for this type of slander, "I was just wondering whether I could have a quick word with Harry," Remus stared at this tense and defensive creature that had become Severus Snape and wondered what had happened to make Severus like this. With a grin he guessed and added, " – _outside,_" if Snape did want, or worse, had had Harry, that would annoy Snape the most. Snape scowled.

"A word with Harry?" repeated Snape stiffly, "more like to ask him whether I have molested him yet," hissed Snape. Remus's brows raised.

"I know why you are here Lupin and you would do well to remember that my teaching status is more trustworthy than yours, with your _monthly _absences, and I am more trusted by Dumbledore than a _were_-" Snape spat.

Remus was astounded. Now he really was wondering what had happened to Snape to make him act like this. He could at least make this conversation private. And then... he almost mentioned Remus being a werewolf. Remus's eyes widened and his brows furrowed deeply as he looked at Snape. Harry looked from Remus to Snape, carefully deciphering both of their emotions, Remus frowned over at Harry, in concern and reprove. The poor boy shouldn't have heard this, he would probably take it upon himself to fix what had been done. Remus frowned. He looked back at Snape, determined to end this conversation.

"Well, if you haven't molested him - you wouldn't mind, now would you?"asked Lupin, furious with Snape's behaviour, he stepped round Snape. Remus stopped. His lips parted. Snape had just made a move to stop Remus. What happened to Severus? Remus looked up at Snape, who seemed to realise what he had done and moved his defensive arm out of Remus's way. Harry was scowling at Snape. Now Remus was curious as to what was going through Harry's mind and Snape's. Remus grabbed Harry's arm and made a move to walk him outside. Remus couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe how people were acting today. Harry had just stamped on Snape's foot as he passed him. Remus turned to frown at Harry, not before -

"Watch where you are walking, Potter," scowled Snape.

They finally were outside. A heavy door between Snape and Harry. A heavy door between Snape and this conversation. Although, Remus was counting on Snape to overhear this conversation for his plan to work. This was his big plan.

"Lupin, is there something wrong with the order?" at Remus's frown Harry explained, "I know you aren't here to ask whether Snape touched me."

"No," said Lupin, stepping closer, holding Harry's eyes, "I'm here to see you."

Remus watched a frown cross Harry's face. "Why? Is something wrong with Sirius?"

"No, well, I – I was wondering whether you would meet me, if you would be so kind as to give up your Hogsmeade weekend, to meet me at Madame Puddifoots?"

"Sure. Our next Hogsmeade weekend is on Valentine's day... Valentine's day!" Harry sputtered, things clicking into place, brain working frantically to wonder whether it was possible that _Lupin _wanted to _go out _with him.

Remus smirked inwardly, as he watched the realisation cross Harry's face. Remus smirked even more as the poor kid tried to regain his composure. "Well, I'll see you then -"

"Don't _you _have a date for Valentine's day? You're spending it with me," Harry asked.

Remus wondered who Harry thought Remus would be dating. Remus didn't think Harry knew about him and Sirius. I mean, they were very careful, but Remus wondered whether Harry had guessed.

"No. And you?" Remus asked, suddenly wondering whether Harry had been already asked out, I mean, he was of age.

"No"

"Well, now you do" said a smiling Remus, leaving Harry gaping after him.

Harry glared at Snape pointedly - who was waiting for his return, a stiff tower of black - as he walked back inside the classroom. Snape looked shocked and outraged at Harry's pointed glare, but he drew closer to Harry. Snape bent down slowly, face drawing close to his, as if to whisper in his ear. "What did Lupin say to you, Potter?" Snape murmured silkily.

"none of your business" Harry continued to glare stubbornly at Snape.

Ron and Hermione looked up.

Severus's lip curled up over his teeth, grinning. "One day, Potter, My hand might just slip veritaserum into your morning pumpkin juice," Snape threatened.

"Then, I think, I might just run to the headmaster, you wouldn't be so trustworthy then, would you?"

"How dare you," Snape whispered.

Harry waited, wondering when Snape's hand would dive for his wand, but it didn't. "50 points from Gryffindor."

Snape sneered, turned on his heel and begun inspecting Draco's potion.

Harry sighed and sat down beside a stricken Hermione.

"Did you meant to -"

"You could have gotten yourself expelled!"

"Lupin asked me out," Harry silenced them. Knowing how they would go on to scold him about standing up for himself against professor Snape.

"What - You mean to say that you've got _two_ older guys _lusting _after you"

"Ron!" Hermione scolded, "What Harry _meant _was that Lupin was asking to accompany outside of the castle," Hermione corrected quickly. She seemed to be ignoring the _obvious _significance in Harry's short statement.

"Lupin wouldn't _lure _Harry outside the castle!" Ron objected.

Her eyes widened. She seemed to realise something. That something that had started in Ron's eyes and spread through his whole expression. She shook her head. "You can't mean to say that Lupin has asked you to Hogsmeade," Hermione claimed, seeming to be talking more to her self than Ron or Harry. "It's Valentine's day!" she added, staring at Harry.

Harry stared from Ron to Hermione. Watching their astonished faces. Harry finally got it. Well, he knew what they had meant, but he had refused to believe it.

"I'm sure he -"

"Face it, you're a magnet for horny old guys," said Ron seriously. Hermione looked very stern, then her face smoothed over the seconds, and then she abruptly burst into laughter.

"You think that Lupin likes me?" Harry whispered emptily, feeling slightly numb from shock.

"I don't know what's going on with the men around you Harry... Wait. Did Lupin know it was Valentine's Day? I mean, he's a man, he probably doesn't know it's Valentine's Day," added Hermione brightly.

"A gay man would know it's Valentine's day" Ron muttered under his breath.

"He knew..." and Harry told them about how Lupin had asked him to Madame Puddifoots. Hermione burst into peels of high ringing laughter. "What?" Harry asked, still quietly.

"Madame Puddifoots?!" said Hermione between giggles, "is a coffee shop all the Hogwarts couples go to snog each others faces off, Harry!"

"Lupin's into you alright!" Ron added.

"Let me get this right, you two think, that my Godfathers best friend - whom you've known since our third year - wants to take me, a 15yr old, to a coffee shop and snog the hell out of me?"

"I know that _sounds _bad," started Hermione, "and I'm not saying it's not a shock that someone who was a friend and teacher to you for a long time – but – Ron Will you – sum up..." said Hermione trailing off into a whisper.

Harry looked at him boldly, setting his jaw line and squaring his shoulders in preparation of what was sure to be a very startling explanation.

"Mate, he's gay. He's what? 28? 29? 30? and he still hasn't got a wife, hasn't even got a girlfriend to speak of, he _lives _with a man – yeah, I know it's his best friend and your godfather - but that doesn't mean anything, he's still a _man_, and we don't trust your opinion because you're trying to ignore the fact that Lupin's jacking off to a picture of his best friends son"

Hermione's eyes were wide, she was definitely thinking that that was not how she wanted it expressed. Harry's stomach boiled. "No! Lupin is not gay! Even if he was – he's not into me!"Harry yelled, shaking with anger.

"Harry," Ron begun softly, "I know it's a shock, but, think about it, he just asked you out."

Harry didn't talk to Hermione or Ron the rest of the day. Streaking from one room to another furiously. Keeping himself busy. When, in truth, things were stewing around. And the further the day progressed the further he realised that Lupin was gay.

Sorry it took so long. I have been really busy. Have been experiencing some writers block and have just been introduced to the mind-boggling subject of chemistry.

I will be updating really soon. Keep holding on. Still really big stuff coming up.

See what happens in Harry's occlumency lesson with Snape coming soon.


	7. The Sheild Charm

Harry sat next to many of the other students in the classes after potions in an attempt to show how angry he was at Ron and Hermione, who glanced at him guiltily. Harry couldn't believe the way he was spoken to. The way they had spoken about their teacher, their friend. Lupin was Harry's friend. His mind streaked across the moments Lupin and Harry had touched. Every slight brush. Every hand shake. Every hug. Had he ever misinterpreted these touches? Were they ever missed signals? Harry's mind brushed over the many memories he had of Lupin. His soft amber eyes springing to the forefront of his mind and clinging there. He realised Lupin was quite a soft creature. Thoughtful. Caring. Noble. Everything was running through his mind so fast. Every memory. Every touch. Every thought. Every conversation. So much so all he could think about was Lupin. Harry's head hurt. He was confused all through his lessons, unable to answer the teachers questions, unable to unstick those yellow eyes from his own.

Harry was in Charms class, frowning down at his book as if he was reading something that didn't make sense, but in reality he was poring over his memories of Remus Lupin. He stopped. There was an odd gap in which he could no longer hear the teachers squeaky voice chatter on and on. Harry looked up, the teacher was looking at him expectantly. Shit! He hadn't the faintest idea what he had done wrong!

As it turns out, Professor Flitwick had just asked him about the chapter they were reading.

His head thumped, his answers blurred, it took him a moment to collect his thoughts together and he blushed from embarrassment. "Err... I... er... Haven't read that far ahead," Harry answered truthfully, for he had just stared at the page without actually reading what was written on it. Harry started at the odd sensation. He had never before been this red-faced , this disorderly, this confused in any classroom when asked a simple question. This was all because of Lupin. He couldn't concentrate. Why was he thinking about Lupin this much? Sure he was angry at Hermione and Ron and confused and frustrated with Lupin, but why couldn't he get his soft golden eyes out of his head? The way he had blushed, the heat in his cheeks, the knotting in his stomach – the way he was reacting to this constant battering of memories. He liked Lupin. He _was _handsome, Harry admitted picturing Lupin smiling softly at him.

Harry's stomach churned. Was he gay now? ...He liked a man!

How could he have been so stupid as to ignore it? Ignore the signs? His dreams of kissing Snape. His poring over thoughts of Lupin. His noticing things about Snape, the way he walked, dressed. How could he not be? How could he not have noticed? Harry huffed. He should know himself better that anyone. Not Ron, whom Harry guessed already knew Harry was gay and chose not to tell him! Ron had known! Harry glared over at Ron fiercely, who gaped back at him. Snape's lips touched his, in Harry's mind. He winced in realisation:

he was gay!

His head hurt. His stomach was still knotted. He trudged numbly through the portrait hole and collapsed into one of the squishy arm chairs in front of Ron. "Are you alright, Mate?" Ron asked, frowning worriedly. Harry shook his head slowly. He was slightly sweaty. "Why didn't you tell me – that I'm gay?" Harry asked quietly, choking out the last few words.

Ron stared guiltily, but he didn't say anything. Harry knew it would be minutes before he could respond, looking at Ron's frozen expression.

"Well – I figured you'd realise eventually..." murmured Ron,"I mean, Mum says it might take along time for someone to realise there sexuality, you know with people denying it themselves and all that, but I didn't think you'd be one of them. I was just gonna let you realise yourself, cause I know some things you need to do alone."

It took a moment for the words to sink in, then he nodded slowly. Ron caught his eye, "Are you scared? He's a lot older than you," Ron said, face pale, voice quiet.

"I don't think we should worry just yet, I mean, we could be, er, misunderstanding everything," said Harry hopefully. Ron rolled his eyes, wishing that his mum wasn't right all the time.

"Mate, you heard what he said, he asked you out, 'well, now you do' -" Ron imitated Lupin's mild cool voice, "- he said when you asked him if he had a date for valentine's day," reasoned Ron.

Harry met Ron's eyes. Ron wouldn't say these things just to pull the piss. He sighed deeply, accepted it, and nodded in agreement. "Are you gonna go then?" asked Ron.

"Yeah - if I go – I know lupin won't hurt me and I can't just blow him off. Maybe he'll tell me more about my father and Snape – that's the source of all this weirdness," said Harry thinking about the unusual revelation that started off this term. "Good idea!" boomed Ron sarcastically. Harry eyed him, waiting for the most outrageous statement yet. "You're the only one I know, Harry, who thinks positively about of a situation like this, you're most likely to be touched up," finished Ron with a rude 2 fingered thrust gesture. "Ron!" screeched Hermione, who saw the gesture, and cupped her hands over her mouth in outrage and disgust.

* * *

Harry knocked and opened the heavy door to Snape's office, with a feeling of foreboding as heavy as the door that had creaked aside and allowed him silent passage into the office. Harry hoped against hope that he would not be noticed. It was now even harder than before to look at his professor, for each time he had, his lips were meeting his. Harry froze and shuddered mid-step. A horrible thought had just struck him. What if Snape saw his dream through Legilimency? Saw them both kissing? Saw Ron, Hermione and him discussing his date with Remus at Madame Puddifoots? What would he think? More importantly, What would he _do_?

"Potter," a voice called, shaking Harry from his terrors. Snape was hunched threateningly over his desk, shoulders tense. "Do not dawdle, come in," Snape ordered, smiling slightly. That unnerved Harry even more. Snape smiling! He had expected his professor to be angry, his usual professor would be angry, having his foot stood on and old enemies in his own classroom.

Harry came into the office, rather hesitantly. "Closer, Potter," Snape urged softly. Harry eyed him, even more warily and slowly approached the front of Snape's desk, his eyes on the floor, feeling Snape watching his every movement. "What's on your mind?" asked Severus softly. Harry, shuddered, hoping to Merlin that Snape had not used Legilimency as he had stood in the doorway, that he had understood the terror brewing inside him. Snape's keen eyes flitted to Harry Potter's shaking shoulders. He smiled, his dark eyes glittering. Harry stiffened. Had Snape been watching so closely that he had noticed Harry's shaking shudders? And worse... Would Severus use Legilimency on Harry out of curiosity? Harry took in a very slow deliberate breath as he frantically searched for an answer. Were he and his grumpy professor about to have heart-to-heart? Or was it because he was oddly distracted or nervous, depending on what he had noticed first (knowing Snape – He knew all)? He exhaled shakily – he couldn't believe this was the only thing he could think of!

"I don't much like Occlumency."

Harry _really _started to shake now – he was pushing whatever good luck he had! He struggled to pin his shaking fingers still against his legs. He watched Snape's reactions closely. Snape's eyes sparkled. And then... He couldn't believe it – He almost smiled! A small smile, a small upturn at the ends of his mouth – for only a moment. But a smile none-the-less! Snape shook himself, and replaced the smile with a sneer.

"Oh," was all Snape managed to reply. He frowned, seeming to be concentrating very hard on something. In fact, he appeared to be in a most ponderous mood this evening. Harry took advantage of this unusually good mood Snape was in.

"Sir-"

"We are not going to talk about today's lesson," said Snape firmly.

Harry tried again, "But Professor -"

Snape's eyes rolled, subtly, but he had to smile inwardly at the action. He stopped, anticipating a retort, but Snape's eyes glittered curiously, almost eagerly. Harry eyed them cautiously, were they a warning? Harry continued, "Lupin and I -"

Snape's face twisted in revulsion.

"Where are you meeting him in Hogsmeade?" Snape asked silkily, with a sly smile. Harry's eyes widened in shock. How did he know? Legilimency or eavesdropping? If its eavesdropping he's in trouble.

"Professor -" Harry struggled for a polite way, "- that's for me and Lupin to know."

"I doubt Minerva would agree"

"Minerva doesn't have anything to do with it," snapped Harry, sick of everyone having an opinion about his personal life.

"I disagree," said Snape firmly, "Lupin seemed to think rumours mattered a lot. Imagine if they travelled to Minerva...You would be in deep trouble... Dating a _much_ older man," threatened Snape smoothly.

"It's not a date! Nor is it anyone's business if it is a date!"

"Is it a date for you? Do you want to date him? Do you _like _him?" Snape asked almost teasingly.

"What? NO!"

"Lupin would be hurt -"

"Don't _you _talk about Lupin being hurt after what _you _said to him today!" Harry yelled. Snape looked stricken. He had jumped slightly. He stared at Harry for a moment, taking in the seriousness of Harry's mood and sighed softly. "Harry," he begun, just as softly as his sigh, "what I said to him was necessary," finished Snape firmly.

"That's not true!"

Snape stood up swiftly. So quickly, that Harry instinctually snatched up his wand. Snape's eyes flitted to Harry's wand and his face contorted in rage. His dark eyes glittered warningly but he did not reach for his own wand.

"You dare -" hissed Snape.

Harry ignored what his previous instincts were telling him. He dropped his wand.

"Sorry Professor -"

Snape's eyes widened, and turned a dull black with shock.

"That was – uncalled for. I'm sorry," he apologised as he took up his wand again and gingerly placed it inside his robes.

Snape continued to stare at Harry Potter. Both men wondering what had got into one another.

After a few moments, Snape composed himself. He returned to his seat with a sigh. Harry felt a very significant change in the atmosphere. His stomach knotted nervously. Snape looked up slowly into Harry's eyes. "Where is Lupin taking you?"

Harry's blood boiled angrily again, and before he could stop himself his wand was in hand . Before Harry's wand was half-ready Snape's wand was out and pointed squarely at his chest.

"_Legilimens!_" Snape cried.

Snape's office shimmered and vanished before his eyes. Remus was standing in front of him. "Meet me in Madame Puddifoots," Remus was saying with a smile.

And then he was back in the room. Snape looked deranged. Lips shaking, the white's of his eyes visible.

"You would do well to remember that Lupin is _my_ age!" cried Snape.

"I know sir. I don't mind – He's my friend"

Snape stared at him for a moment.

"Don't let him - " hissed Snape. It sounded like a furious unfinished order.

Harry gasped furiously. Severus was leaving him with no other choice.

"Okay – lets do Occlumency now," blurted Harry, eager not to continue this conversation.

"...Very well. Raise your wand," said Snape, actually grinning, and standing up.

Harry raised his wand. He would fight back this time. Harry had discovered the need to hex his teacher senseless. He gathered all his might. Skin prickling. Stomach churning.

"One – two – _Legilimens!_"

"_PROTEGO!_" Harry boomed.

Snape staggered and sunk to his knees. Suddenly Harry's mind was teeming with memories that were not his: a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner... a greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling and shooting down flies... a girl laughing as a scrawny boy tried to mount a bucking broomstick...

The dark office became clearer. Snape was not in sight, he must have fallen to his knees. Harry grinned and lowered his wand to where Snape was kneeling and the memories flowed freer.

A dark-haired boy sat alone in a library... Harry concentrated hard on Lupin, directing the memories... A furious man called into the fire. Harry realised he was in Snape's dungeon office. Harry was startled at the differences in Snape. He looked so much older, he looked so angry. Harry wondered how Lupin had pissed Snape off this much. Harry started as Lupin clambered out of the fire, dusting the ash off his shabby robes."You called Severus?" said Lupin mildly.

This struck Harry. This Remus, this furious Snape, he had seen this all before. Harry remembered with a gasp, his third year, having the marauders map confiscated.

"I certainly did," said the memory of Snape, his face contorted with fury as he strode back to his desk. "I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying this."

Snape pointed at the parchment, on which the words of Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were still shining. Harry watched the odd, closed expression appear on Lupin's face like he knew it would.

Harry realised he had to go deeper to find out why Snape had such a problem with Lupin. The vision flickered and changed. Snape sped soundlessly up a spider-web-strewn, dusty, rickety stairway past peeling wallpaper, Harry realised in shock that this was the shrieking shack. Snape stopped his silent glide on the top of the stairwell, moving carefully towards the door. His sneering black eyes straightened and widened, his face slackened in utter shock as he took in the scene before him – Lupin and Sirius Black explaining the marauders tales, some of his worse memories, to Potter, Granger and Weasley. He stood there, pale-faced and gaping for minutes upon minutes longer than Harry had every thought possible – he was waiting for someone to say something, someone to realise that Snape was there. Nothing, Snape said nothing as Lupin explained the events of the past. Snape had stood there for far longer than he had ever known, or thought was possible and hadn't done anything, hadn't try to stop him from knowing the interconnected past of Lupin and Severus.

"ENOUGH!"

Harry felt as though he had been pushed hard in the chest; he staggered several steps backwards and hit the shelves covering Snape's walls. He opened his eyes to see Snape clambering to his feet, very white in the face and shaking slightly.

Harry froze, an uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Harry did not speak; he felt that to say anything now, would be suicide. He was sure he had just broken the law. He had entered into his teachers mind - and went further as to find information. What had gotten into him? He had taken this too far, to find information about a teacher! The information he found had unnerved him. It was devastating to think that the little boy who had been crying as he watched his parents shouting was actually standing in front of him now. Harry knew exactly how Snape had felt. He had been there. "Professor -"

Severus's dark fathomless eyes drew Harry in, like falling into a dark pit, a deep well, filling his view until they were all he could see. Harry stopped himself from continuing, he had a feeling a heart-to-heart with Snape was not what he wanted, nor did he think Snape would respond.

Snape straightened the Pensieve in which he had again stored some of his thoughts before starting the lesson, almost as though he was checking they were still there. "Did I tell you you could use a Shield charm?" whispered Snape.

"No, sir."

Snape looked at him sideways for a moment, "I couldn't help but notice your topic of choice in my memories," said Snape, frowning curiously, "Why? What do you want to know about Lupin so badly you would search your teachers memories for it?" said Snape, his eyes flashing, his words like a hidden threat. His eyes hadn't let go and Harry couldn't look away from his piercing stare. Harry's anger resurfaced thinking of Snape's abrupt cruel words to Lupin, in front of all the classroom! "You should be ashamed! I thought you had more control over yourself than that! Letting a school yard grudge -"

"HARRY -" screamed Snape, his face suddenly contorted, twisting in rage, "- HE'LL ONLY HURT YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S HERE!" Harry stared in utter shock and confusion. Why was Snape acting this way? What had gone on between him and Lupin. He was so concerned he was half convinced to console Snape. He made for a step forwards, but Snape spoke again. "Promise me you will not go to Hogsmeade this weekend," ordered a wide-eyed Snape, who was panting heavily. Harry gasped, half in surprise, half in fury. "HE'S MY FRIEND! HE WON'T HURT ME!" raged Harry, seeing Snape's infuriated gasp he sighed inwardly, knowing this would not change Snape's mind, so he continued consolingly "….So don't worry about me, professor, I've _got to go._"

Harry looked up, he watched Snape's face turn demented, inhumanly angry, and he whipped past Harry and out the door, so fast that Harry only turned in time to see his dark travelling cloak billowing around the corner.


	8. Dumbledore's Judgement

I hope you enjoy :3 Sorry it took longer than I expected. I've been busy. Thank you to all my reviewers XD

* * *

Remus sighed as he sat down heavily in his chair before the desk, in his temporary room at Hogwarts, entrusted to him by Dumbledore. He had never wrote more serious a letter to Sirius, ever, how would he word such a letter? He sighed again deeply, knowing that staring troublesomely at the parchment wouldn't get the letter written any faster and decided to start writing his letter.

_My Dearest Padfoot, _Remus wrote, having decided to use a soft greeting. This letter would not be easy for Sirius, and he needed to be tender in an attempt to lighten Sirius's imaginably tense mood, for Remus knew as soon as he saw the arrival of his letter, Sirius' shoulders would become tense, his breathing would quicken, he would become restless and he would pace around to read the letter regarding the safety of his Godson. Remus pictured Sirius fuming over his letter, his breaths becoming ragged, and him standing in outrage, as Remus had seen him do so many times before and felt the need to start on the letter on a good note.

_I hope you're doing better. I cannot bare to think that I left you there in that state. I wouldn't have left you, had you not ordered me out, but I realised _myself _that this was the best decision for your sake. _

_I'm of no help to you at home. Worrying about you while you have your back is turned isn't helping _you _or_ me_, and I can't console you if I don't know the truth of the situation. Ergo, here I am in Hogwarts. _

_I cannot believe _your_ anxiety has allowed me to penetrate the walls of Hogwarts. I can scarcely believe Dumbledore allowed me into the castle again, he really is a brilliant man and I am sure he knows why I am here. Although, I have been warned that nobody is to see me._

_Ok, yes, I have been avoiding the actual subject of this letter, _Remus knew that by now Sirius's brows would be furrowed in frustration, as his lover left the most important _point_ to the last part of the letter because they cared too much about him, _it is only because what I have witnessed so far is not enough to condemn, or even enough to accuse the person of something as serious as this. The only thing I have witnessed is the _interactions_ of professor and student. Certain looks, certain discussions and the _way _they're acting has lead me to believe that you are indeed correct about the way the professor and the student feel towards each other. Although, looks alone are not enough to confirm your suspicions as it is a deeply complicated subject. I could have misinterpreted them _easily_ and there are _so many_ variables._

_This could _just_ be me, or the way I interpreted/misinterpreted but I'm seeing something _going on_ between them. But, as I said there are so many variables and it is a deeply complicated subject that can be misinterpreted easily._

Remus knew Sirius would be dissatisfied with the detail of his letter, but he could not encourage Sirius's anxiety. This made the next line much easier, for he knew he needed to soften the blow of his letter. _I'm Sorry. I'm sorry I haven't more to tell you and I'm sorry I can't be any more reassuring. I wish I could say otherwise to keep you sane._

_Love Moony_

He read over the letter twice feeling steadily worse, and even more worse as he read over the words, but he was not quite sure why he felt that way. He had said all that was necessary, all that was true in a way that was careful and considerate to his lover, what was wrong with that? But still, as he clipped the rolled-up piece of parchment to the owls leg and sent it on its way, he felt even worse and he did not know why. Though, he felt he would soon find out why.

* * *

After all Severus had seen of Harry Potter, never had he seemed so blatantly stupid, so immensely half-witted, so pitifully dunderheaded that Severus had to inform the Headmaster of it. Severus Snape stepped around the dumbstruck Potter, hands shaking with rage and streaked out the corridor, slamming the heavy door shut behind him.

_Damn that Potter - so stupid as to believe, to have faith in that vile half-breed - how can he be so stupid? So naïve? So that I must help him yet again. _He pulled his hands close to his sides under his thick travelling cloak in hopes of concealing his shaking.

_He would just _believe_ the best in people, he's knows nothing, he's never experienced the real world because every ones nice to the famous Harry Potter, shield him from all the hurt in this world, such a sheltered little brat. The fact that he believed that _werewolf _is _sad, _he's so willing to do things for his friends; and that _werewolf, _he's used Potter's innocence against him – sick! I can't believe Dumbledore let him in the castle, I shall give that old man a thorough talking-to!_

An image of how Potters green eyes went alight with shock and fear, eyebrows disappearing into his hairline crossed Snape's mind. _Harry looked so shocked to have seen me angry over an affair concerning _him... _So shocked that he'll definitely tell Granger and Weasley, and there's no doubt every surrounding Gryffindor will eavesdrop, It'll be around the school in no time, _Snape grumbled, _Of_ _course This never would of happened if Sirius had kept his dog on a leash! _ He had lost his composure, he had scared Harry, he scolded himself. He had exposed another 'sensitive' side to his character, Harry had glimpsed how he actually felt.

_How dare he? How dare he come here? He put the students in danger. On Blacks orders. I knew Black always had more brawn than brain but I didn't expect Remus would be so daft as too act on Blacks wishes, whose emotions are obviously clouding his judgement._

Severus continued to streak to the headmasters, swiftly a figure emerged from the darkness of the dungeon corridors and places itself in Severus's way, Severus was caught in his next stride and the light fell upon the amber eyes of Remus Lupin who had a firm hold of Severus Snape's shoulders. Severus felt a breath of ice-cold air pierce his lungs as he huffed in sudden fervent rage.

"Out of my way," he said quietly, his fingers flexing, ready to snatch his wand up at any moment.

"No – Severus, you must understand -"

_...must understand... _Severus looked into Remus's eyes and realised that he already knew. Remus watched the enraged man in front of him, his eyes widening as he tried to explain, the darkness of his eyes magnified against the contrasting whiteness now exposed. "You _know_," Severus hissed, "You spied on me."

"Yes -" But before Remus could say anything more, he saw Severus's hand duck into his dark robes and whip out his wand, holding it threateningly up to his face. "Follow me, Remus," he hissed slowly, seemingly numb with anger, "we're taking a little stroll to the headmasters office."

He pressed the wand threateningly to Lupin's neck and pursued him backwards. Remus gulped, for he knew Snape would not lower his wand until he was in front of the headmaster.

"Ah," said Dumbledore looking up calmly from a rather large leather-bound book, but upon seeing Severus holding Remus at wand-point, his words died in his throat and he placed the book resolutely on the desk. "Severus -"

"What nonsense has he told you to get into the castle?" Snape demanded, his upper lip curling disdainfully at Lupin.

"None, Severus, He -"

"He told you the truth and you let him into the castle!" Snape screeched, "This is supposed to be one of the safest places in the wizarding world and you just _let _a werewolf in its midst!"

Snape paused, looking pointedly at Dumbledore, "I thought you were a little more concerned about the safety of your students."

"Release Mr. Lupin and I shall explain," said Dumbledore, looking pointedly at Snape with his piercing blue eyes. Snape lowered his wand reluctantly and stalked forward to pursue his case, "He's endangering the students. What would the council think, Headmaster? You let him in the castle, for what purposes? He's a _werewolf_ and _sick,_" at this the Headmaster looked enquiringly at Severus. "He has asked a minor out on a date, need I explain how _sick _that is? He is corrupting and using the child's innocence against them self. Make friends with him, then force him out on a date, and say you aren't being his friend if you refuse to go on the date. You'd be surprised the things students would do for _friends,_" Severus explained.

Silence followed. Remus looked at Severus, brows furrowed in confusion, and smiled at the revelation that Severus _cared. _He then looked back at Dumbledore, who smiled in agreement. Both stared back at Snape who rolled his eyes only slightly, but kept silent.

"I didn't know you cared for the safety of the students either, Severus," Dumbledore smiled.

Remus was unable to stop the spreading grin.

Snape looked startled, then bitter, "I don't, but apparently I do more than you - I wouldn't let a werewolf in _my _school."

Dumbledore stopped smiling," I do not believe Harry Potter is in any danger, Severus," Severus started at that, Dumbledore _knew _about the date yet he did nothing! "I do not believe Remus is a pedophile more than I would believe _you _are a pedophile -"

"But -"

"Severus," Dumbledore looked at Snape pointedly, "That is my Judgment."

* * *

Sirius Black paced the dusty hallway in front of his mothers portrait, but he took barely any notice of its shrieking, for as it seemed he had some of his own shrieking to do, his mind was screaming in protest as he read Remus's infuriating letter. _"Dearest Padfoot!" This is _not _a _love_ letter, Moony! Had Remus been confunded? Had he been hit upside the head? Where was his head - had he been reading girlish romance novels? This is _serious. _This is about the safety of my Godson and Remus has to choose _now _that he wants be a girl and do girly things and write girly letters to me. There is pure hatred between me and Severus Snape and Remus just decides to pussyfoot around him, he is a dangerous enemy not to be taken lightly. My godson is in danger of being raped and I sent a romance-filled, caring, soft girl after Snape, not a blood thirsty and terrifying werewolf! _

Sirius had only read the beginning of the letter and he was furious, his blood boiling, it took all his strength not to punch the wall and yell in frustration, but he knew he must read on _before _retaliating. For he had smashed many furnishings _before_ an explanation, and paid the price. He forced himself to read the offensive letter – but he had just looked at the words without comprehending their meaning – his brain was not working, he was too enraged, his head too full of screams to concentrate. He forced himself to calm down, because the angrier he got the harder it was to concentrate. But as he read further and further, it was harder and harder to concentrate, for what he read angered him further.

"_Ok, you're right, I have been avoiding the real subject of this letter," NO SHIT! Going on and on about Dumbledore and Hogwarts – we're not boys any more, Moony and I am I not as carefree as I once was, I have a grandson to worry about while you're reveling in your childhood! Moony get to the point! Harry could be raped while you're daydreaming about childhood, reading your girlish romance novels or writing your soft letters that never get to the point! _

Sirius read the rest of the letter felt he would explode from the inside out. His stomach was clenched and knotted into a tight ball, his fist clenched and unclenched making wounds where his fingers scratched at his palms and his forehead was creased with deep ruts as he stormed upstairs to the drawing room where he would write a reply.

_Moony,_

_What have you been doing? Reading girlish romance novels? This is NOT a love letter this is an update. You have failed miserably at an update. What you have written is sufficient for a love-sick teenage girl not the cunning werewolf that I know. Why have you failed to acquire the truth? Go through desk drawers, closets, basements, fucking Dumbledore's office; I don't care just find out. Why have you only witnessed looks? And When did you start as seeing pedophilia a deeply complicated issue? Don't lull Snivellus into interrogation Moony, you're acting as if you don't trust James's judgement, do you think James wants Snape around his son?_

_And DON'T treat Snape as nothing, Moony, DO NOT underestimate him, he's a snake, a Slytherin after all, When did you forget that? When did you let your guard down? Be very careful. Do not let him see you at all! You are lucky that you haven't already been caught with the way you're acting. Find out how Snape feels. Find out his weakness. Find out a way to protect Harry. I don't care how you do it Remus._

_Padfoot_

_

* * *

_

Remus awoke tired, it seemed as if he had only slept five minutes before he woke up. He got up to the sound of the daily prophet owl tapping on the window. But when he got up he discovered that it was still night. He opened the window cautiously, and Sirius's owl flew in with a letter attached to his leg. Being bitten savagely by the owl was his first clue that he was about to discover the accuracy of his bad feelings. And upon opening Sirius's letter, he found out that, yes, his bad feeling about the letter _was _incredibly accurate.

The really bad thing was he had to tell Sirius that Snape _had _caught him because he _had_ walked willingly to Snape and he _had _been taken to Dumbledore's office.

* * *

Harry started off towards Hogsmeade, sloshing clumsily through the snow as if his feet were too big for his body, hardly noticing Ron and Hermione beside him who were watching Harry with blatant apprehension.

"Harry?" Hermione called to him, ringing her hands nervously, "are you really going to go through with this? I'm sure Remus would understand if you weren't to show up -"

Harry would have interjected if he weren't so nervous and tired, he had gotten little sleep last night, he had sat up worrying about today, even the little things drove him to stay up until the hours of the early morning. He was too worried and too nervous to speak, to tell Hermione that it was okay, luckily he didn't have to; for it was Ron that spoke, "Hermione, leave him alone, he'll be fine," and clapping her on the shoulder he said, "don't worry – we'll wait outside for him, as close as you want." Harry's stomach made an uncomfortable lurch, he did not like the idea of Hermione and Ron waiting outside the teashop for him to finish, he envisioned himself walking out afterward to see Ron and Hermione all red-faced and not knowing what to say. What would he say to them? But Harry's brain was oddly slow, numb-like and aching with the bitter cold, and did not have time to ponder his questions before he reached the small side-road where he spotted the small teashop where he and Lupin were meeting. His stomach knotted as he turned to Hermione and Ron, "Don't wait up for me, you guys go ahead and have fun - I'll meet you in the Three Broomsticks -"

"Yeah -"

"We won't stay too far away," said Hermione, looking as if she was breaking school rules, "if you're in danger of getting caught, being seen, get yourself out! No man is worth the rumours that'll go around if you're caught together - they'll think he's a -"

"Hermione!" Ron nudged her in alarm, and with a sigh she hugged Harry and started off the way she came hand-in-hand with Ron.

Harry drew a deep breath and stepped into Madame Puddifoots, his eyes widened as he took in the place Remus had chose. It was a small steamy place, romantically decorated with frills, bows and confetti. Harry stepped inside awkwardly, although nobody noticed him coming in as all the tables occupants had their eyes closed as they kissed their partners hungrily. Harry looked around Madame Puddifoots from the doorway, in search of Remus, the small circular tables in the steamy room held 4 couples in opposite corners of the shop, all kissing ravenously, and one shady hooded figure at the far end of the room, who was the only one who was alone and was not being attacked by an amorous lover. Harry wondered whether the hooded figure was Remus, but the figure showed him no signs of recognition, it just sat stiffly upright, several cups of untouched cold tea on the table beside it. Harry wondered whether this hooded figure had bought all those cups of tea waiting for a lover that was not going to arrive, and he resolved to find Remus. Suddenly something gold caught his eyes, in the back of the teashop, behind the behooded head of the loner shined a golden plaque. Harry realised this plaque to be that of office doors, but more antique, and he saw for the first time, the small mahogany door, which plaque read:

_Messrs. Moony & Potter_

Harry smiled, he should have trusted Remus, after all he was smart enough to find a way not to be seen in a small teashop. Harry slowly ambled over to the back of the teashop, meandering in a way that would seem aimless to any bystander, so that none of the couples had reason to look up and the loner had no reason for his eyes to follow him, although Harry was quite sure that no one else could see the door it couldn't hurt to be careful. But as Harry drew nearer and nearer the hooded-figure the more Harry felt as if he was being watched, and as he meandered out of the figures line of vision, its head twisted ever so slightly, Harry's stomach lurched. Who was this person under the hood?

But as he moved behind the figure, its head did not move again, although Harry still felt hot, like he was being watched. Harry reached the mahogany door and quickly slipped inside, not wanting to be seen more than he had been already by the occupants of Madame Puddifoots.

Remus Lupin's stomach lurched as he saw Harry slip through a narrow gap between the door and its frame as if he was being chased. Remus stood as his stomach twisted uncomfortably in anxiety, "Are you being followed?" he asked softly, although however softly he asked Harry jumped and spun to face him. Harry had startled at the sound, he had been dreading seeing and hearing Remus, as he had seen and heard Remus reject him time and time again in many different ways before he had come, and hearing his voice now, Harry surged with dread of what was to come. Although, when he spun, the reality of the situation struck him, he was not in his dreams and Remus had not come to Madame Puddifoots with the intention of rejecting him. Seeing Remus's amber stare had calmed him somewhat. "No – Well - um – it's nothing," stuttered Harry, he couldn't think of telling Remus about the behooded stranger that had unnerved him and caused his hasty entrance for he had no proof that he had _actually _looked at him. Remus's eyes softened, and his facial expression relaxed as he walked closer to Harry, "Harry, what is it?"

"It's nothing... Just some – Does Madame Puddifoots get many shady customers?" At Remus's frown he elaborated, "Like the shady customers that go to the Hogs Head? There's this guy out there, the only one sitting alone, and he was just sitting there staring at me as I walked in."

"Do you think it was Professor Snape?"

"Snape?" repeated Harry stricken, his stomach jumped at the thought.

"_Professor _Snape," Remus asserted.

"I dunno. It could have been. But it could have been anybody. It was too dark under that hood to see." Remus smiled and motioned for Harry to sit down at the table and chairs that he had set out by a steamy window. Harry noted the roses set on the small table between them and the Valentine's Day decorations full of kissing couples on the walls. The table was so small that he and Remus were sitting knee to knee, facing each other. Harry's stomach lurched at the thought, and his heart beat irregularly as he became very aware of Remus's knees pressed against his own. "Why?" Harry continued, "At my Occlumency lesson, Severus tried to make me promise not to come," he felt a strange compulsion to add. Remus's eyes widened, then he smiled and changed the subject, although something told Harry that he still wished to discuss Snape and saw that he forced his smile. Harry felt a pang, Remus wasn't happy to be here, perhaps he was feeling awkward, he felt a strong urge to keep the conversation going. "After this, d'you wanna come to the Three Broomsticks with me? I'm meeting Hermione and Ron in there."

"Yes, I would like that very much, Harry. How are the Grangers?" Remus was trying to think of a better, more romantic topic, so that he could make his move, but none were coming fast to mind.

"Good."

At last Remus had a good idea, he coughed as he very conspicuously put his hand on the table, and was very careful to glance at it. Harry stared at it in alarm, did Remus wish him to hold _his _hand? Harry's face grew hot, and he began egging himself onto holding his date's hand. He made a quick grab for Remus's hand while he was talking about the last time he had seen the Granger's. Harry felt his face redden, but Remus did not embarrass him by asking "why was he blushing," instead, he soothingly played with the fingers Harry had given him . Remus continued babbling on, he wasn't really listening, he was too busy watching Remus' fingers slide over his, rejoicing in the pleasant sensation, he found he was unconsciously leaning and he also realised Remus was too. Remus was edging around the table - they were not knee to knee any more – One of Remus's knees now was in between his legs, and the table had shifted slightly to the side. Harry wondered... But then the Valentine's Day decorations on the wall reminded him of what Remus had planned. Harry's eyes widened in realisation, that was all Remus was waiting for, he kicked the table's legs out from under it. The table crashed to the ground, breaking the glass vase of flowers and fine china that had been on the top of the table. Harry jumped but no sooner had he jumped and gasped had Remus's lips plastered themselves to his. Remus held his face still, caressing it gently, but only to soothe Harry and keep him still long enough for his brilliant plan to work. Harry's head jerked - and he gasped into Remus's mouth, feeling his tongue come sliding in to lick at his own – as a great crash struck the entire room, but Remus did not let go, he held Harry's face still, twisting his tongue around Harry's. Harry heard loud footsteps, then an agonised screech, "WHAT IS THIS?" Remus let him go as he realised just who that voice was: Professor Severus Snape. As soon as Remus had let him go, his head jerked to confirm. Snape stood in the doorway, wand pointed at Remus, demented with rage. Harry jumped to his feet, he had been caught, and Snape was storming over to him. "Professor Snape -"

"Potter!" Snape cried, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him so forcefully towards Snape, that he ended up pressed against him, one strong arm encircling him. "Potter, Lupin only asked you here to find out whether I was romantically interested in you for Sirius Black -" said Snape, stepping back from him.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because Remus Lupin has a sexual relationship with Sirius Black," said Snape in a hard voice.

_WHAT? _thought Harry. He looked at Lupin, whose face was so infuriated and upset that the story must be true. Harry felt his face go red, his diaphragm tremble with a deep breath, his stomach coil tightly and his blood boil with anger. He backed away from both adults, traitor tears unintentionally brimming in his eyes. Remus held up a hand as if to steady him, his eyes too almost brimming with tears. Snape was watching him carefully, black eyes wide, he looked as if he was about to steady a frightened animal. "WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST FUCK OFF? WHY DOES EVERY ONE THINK THEY CAN CONTROL WHO I DATE? WELL I'M TELLING YOU NOW, NOT YOU, NOR DUMBLEDORE, NOR SIRIUS, NOR _ANYONE_ CAN TELL ME WHO _I CAN OR CAN'T_ DATE!" And he ran from the room angrier than he had ever been, leaving Snape and Remus agape and dumbstruck.

* * *

Reviews are very very welcome ^_^ questions/suggestions/feedback are also welcome :)


	9. Dumbledore's Daring Intervention

Finally finished something! ^_^ Will try update sooner than later. Thank you to all that have taken the time to review and I hope I get some more :)

Reviews, feedback, suggestions, criticisms are all welcome :p

Happy reading!

* * *

It was raining hard when Harry exited the tiny teashop, sodden trouser legs slushing through the snow. "Can't believe them!" he muttered angrily, as he turned, blind with frustration, down a side-street and broke into a splashy run. "They just can't leave me alone, can they? They think they can control me? They think they're protecting me! Well, they're not! I don't need their protection! I can protect myself! I can go out with whoever I want and there isn't anything that they can do about it!" Harry looked without really seeing for the first time, his head was too full of the argument he had just had to do anything else but be angry. He ran down the snow laden streets of Hogsmeade until he could run no more. He stopped to pant, doubled over underneath the low branches of a pine tree, throat tight and tears brimming with frustration and exhaustion. Harry tried to steady himself, head finally coming to rest in his hands and taking deep breaths. Each breath scraped his throat unpleasantly, and he was alarmed at the rasping sound of it, it was as if his throat was closing and that scared him. He slammed his hands over his ears to shut out the alarming sound of his breaths so he could calm himself down. His breathing eventually slowed as he crouched, there, under the branches of a pine tree, shutting out the sound of everything. He recovered slowly, breathing gradually going back to normal, letting go of his ears and looked around. He did not know where he was.

He looked out from under the branches of the pine tree, to see a narrow cobble-stoned road covered in snow. He saw no street signs, no people, no shops. Just a road, lined on both sides by dense pine forests. He had never seen this part of Hogsmeade, nor did he know Hogsmeade had _any_ part that looked as deserted as this. He remained looking around frantically, surely there was no place in Hogsmeade as deserted as this? But, then the back of his neck prickled, and he was sure he had wondered some where he was not supposed to be. He decided he didn't care if he was in Hogsmeade or not just when he heard a splashing sound, coming towards him. He pressed himself to the trunk of the pine feeling ominous, he did not want to be found, particularly by Remus or Snape. Harry was afraid if any of the two turned up, he wouldn't be able to control himself – he'd kill 'em.

The splashing sound drew closer and closer until he could hear the sound of someone puffing, and he realised that someone was splashing through the snow at a run. Sodden trouser legs came bustling into his view, stopping before the pine tree, and Harry's blood coursed angrily in anticipation. His palms itched as he wondered what the figure was going to do, what he was doing here and who he was, his neck prickling as he strained to see under the branches of the pine. He cold hear the figure catching its breath and nothing more. His hand moved towards his wand, his fingers twitched, realising just who those trouser legs belonged to. He glared, stomach knotting, fists clenching, chest heaving for they were the tan-coloured trousers of Remus Lupin – one of the people who should be wishing they didn't just cross Harry Potter.

"IMPEDIMENTA!" shouted Harry, throwing himself onto the cobble-stoned street, rolling and landing on his feet in a pre-assaultive crouch. Remus landed on his back, robes askew, in the snow-capped road with a crunch. He lurched to his feet in shock, crouched aggressively, wand ready. "Harry," Lupin almost straightened from his crouch seeing Harry, expression changing, palpably sulky. Lupin straightened, dropping his wand into the snow, his amber eyes caressed his softly, shining with his hurt and concern for Harry. "Calm down – Let me explain,"said Lupin, edging closer to Harry.

Harry lurched backwards, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHY YOU WERE HERE? WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

Remus mouth and eyes crinkled, on the verge of tears, he took another step towards Harry, lips crooked with pain, hand extended. Harry took another step backwards, determined to shout at Remus, to make him listen.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND SIRIUS? WHY DID YOU _KISS_ ME? YOU MADE ME – YOU MADE ME _ACTUALLY – ACTUALLY _THINK I LOVED YOU"

Remus stopped, stricken - his mouth, which _was_ a crooked line of grief went slack with his all of his facial features except his eyes, which widened and tears silently spilt over and streamed down his face, he staggered backward. Harry was taken aback, yet he felt a fierce joy at watching Remus's pain, but it swiftly left him, to leave him feeling empty. "You kissed me" Harry whispered, voice broken, "you kissed me and I-" Harry tried to tell Remus, who stared sulkily, both unaware of Severus Snape watching from behind a nearby bush. Snape twitched towards them as Remus stalked forward, unsteady on shaking limbs and placed his hands on either side of Harry's face. Snape stiffened, anger burning through him, as he watched Harry hesitated, sighed, and then leant into the werewolf's touch.

Remus put aside his desire for it to be Sirius's face he was holding, and the feeling that he shouldn't encourage romance between them and held Harry close, unknowing of the the truth of his instincts.

A Remus pulled Harry closer, he gave in, he watched Remus's delicate lips come closer to his, wanting, eager, he couldn't contain it any longer, he jumped onto his toes and pressed his lips to Remus's, eliciting a wet sound that shocked and guilted Remus who instantly thought of Sirius, who's keen ears had picked up the kiss sound, as he approached beside Dumbledore, spotting Snape watching from behind a nearby bush.

"REMUS!" growled a familiar voice. The kiss broke instantly, for that was the voice of Sirius Black.. Harry looked up, to see Sirius, who was detaining a strugglingSeverus, it appeared as if he was holding him back, Harry frowned momentarily in confusion. Then Harry's blood began to boil - Snape had been spying on him and Remus _all _this time. Severus had followed him _all the way _from Madame Puddifoot's! Both of them! And now Sirius and Dumbledore _**just happen**_to turn up in the same sodden lane! Harry glared furiously at Severus, who had seemed to forget whatever previous plan he had had when he was being restrained and had now turned, trying to twist his collar out of Sirius's grip.

Remus' stomach dropped, Sirius had caught him mid-kiss with his god son, he had expected Sirius to glare at him, eyes full of betrayal, when he looked up, instead Sirius was struggling with Severus Snape. Remus' stomach dropped even more, impossibly, as his eyes fixed on Severus who was floundering towards him and Harry and he realised that Severus had been watching as Harry had kissed him, he realised that Severus' eyes burned with jealousy. Harry still clasped Remus' face, gripping tightly as he glared in rage; Sirius was fumbling in his robes for his wand to use against Severus, who was trying to make his way towards Harry and Dumbledore was just watching the events unfold, smiling inconspicuously.

They all froze. Staring at each other in shock.

Harry fumed. He could not hold his breath any longer. He deserved to b tho one to speak first, since they all had betrayed him.

"SO WHAT NOW? I'M BEING FOLLOWED AGAIN LIKE IN THE HOLIDAYS? SIRIUS, REMUS, SEVERUS – YOU'VE BETRAYED ME THE LAST TIME!" Harry burst out, turning suddenly and thrashing away through the snow, disappearing behind thick sheets of rain.

They were all stricken,besides Dumbledore, who watched calmly. Severus launched into a jerky sprint as Remus shouted "HARRY!" Remus hesitated, absolutely _gaping_ at Severus who was streaking, full-speed, after Harry Potter, sending the snow flying. Remus lurched forward in alarm, running after Severus and Harry. He watched as Sirius overtook him with astounding speed and slammed Snape into the ground, he almost stopped running with shock off seeing his lover throw Snape to the ground with such force, but he forced himself to keep running after Harry, who was mere feet away. Remus threw himself the extra feet, knocking Harry abruptly to the ground.

"I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU! ME AND SIRIUS TOGETHER! WE WEREN'T SURE WHAT SNAPE WOULD DO, HOW HE FELT! WE HAD NO OTHER CHOICE – WE COULDN'T HAVE JUST SAT AROUND WHILE YOU COULD BE HERE GETTING RAPED BY A DEATHEATER!" thundered Remus, looking down on Harry, who was face-down in the snow.

Harry flipped over in the slush.

"DEATHEATER!" screeched Snape in outrage, from behind them. Harry looked up, alarmed. Snape looked demented, eyes wide and alight with rage, frozen still in his sodden robes – Sirius sprinting up behind him.

" HOW DARE YOU! I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT PROTECT HARRY.

WHO TRIED TO STOP REMUS FROM HURTING HIM? ME! I TRIED TO PROTECT HIM FROM THAT WEREWOLF, BECAUSE I KNEW HARRY HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM, AND LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENED! HE'S SUFFERING BECAUSE THAT WEREWOLF TOYED WITH HIS EMOTIONS!

WHO TOLD DUMBLEDORE THAT HARRY WAS TRYING TO GET THE PHILOSIPHERS STONE? ME! I TOLD HIM AND DUMBLEDORE GOT THERE IN JUST ENOUGH TIME TO SAVE HIM FROM THE DARK LORD!

WHO TOLD MINERVA THAT HARRY WAS BATTLING A MOUNTAIN TROLL IN THE DUNGEON? ME!

WHO LEFT HIS PRIVATE STORE OF POTION INGREDIENTS UNLOCKED AND UNCURSED SO THAT HARRY COULD STEAL GILLY WEED SO THAT HE DIDN'T DIE IN THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT? -"

Severus crashed to the cobble-stones underneath a snarling Sirius Black, and Dumbledore appeared beside them with a crack. "YOU WERE WHAT?" cried Sirius, as Snape ripped himself from underneath and whirled to face him. Remus scrambled to his feet, and threw himself between Snape and Sirius - just as Sirius' eyes widened in realisation of what Snape had meant. Dumbledore watched this realisation in Sirius' face and grinned, satisfied, eyes twinkling. "I agree with Harry," said Dumbledore suddenly, breaking the cold silence between Sirius, Snape and Remus. Sirius hands scrunched into white-knuckled fists and he turned to face Dumbledore. "What?" he said, daring Dumbledore to intervene.

"I agree with Harry. He is quite capable of choosing a his own partners and doesn't require your consent, Sirius. I knew Remus was going to take him on a date, I knew Mr. Potter he had previously discovered your – orientation – and had became infatuated with him. However, I knew that Harry did not anticipate that you were already _involved_ and have been for some time." Remus' and Sirius' jaw dropped - shocked, bewildered - Harry wondered _why_ they were so shocked that Dumbledore already knew about them, Dumbledore seemed to know everything. Dumbledore lifted his head to reminisce. "Ahh, I remember when you were boys and going through the same thing I went through, such passion, such confusion..." Dumbledore _finally _caught sight of their dumbstruck faces and smiled, "How could I not have known boys? You were only boys i_n this very castle _whenI got to watch your first kisses by the lake. _In this very castle _I watched the 'secret' love between the two of you... How could I have not known? How could I have ignored the house-elves complaining of the dirty sheets?" He smiled and Remus went very red.

Dumbledore smiled calmly at the two wide-eyed men and then turned to Severus. "And Severus how could I not have known? Was it not _in this very castle_ that you discovered your love for James? Was it not this very castle where you mourned for the loss of James, vowing to never love again? And was it not _in this very castle _where you broke that vow to yourself and discovered that James was not your true love?" Harry wasn't sure he was hearing correctly but Snape suddenly looked hysterical, wide eyes haunted. It scared him. "It was _JUST _a school-boy crush!" Snape cried in anguish. Harry had never seen Snape like this in his life. What had done this to him? Why was he doing this? What happened to the professor he knew? Dumbledore looked at Harry apologetically, as if he weren't meant to see this.

"Professor?" he whispered gingerly to Snape, "are you ok?" Snape gasped, his head snapped up to look at Harry, as if _Harry_ had scared _him_. His expression was still shocked but his eyes were angry and Harry had the feeling it was because of him, somehow. "HARRY DON'T TALK TO HIM -" Sirius ordered. "I CAN TALK TO WHO I WANT AND CHOOSE WHO I WANT! I AM SICK OF EVERY ONE TRYING TO PROTECT ME. I CAN PROTECT MYSELF. YOU'LL DO EVERYTHING TO PROTECT ME BUT YOU WON'T TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Harry shouted, his eyes burning with tears. "HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT YOU AND REMUS?" But at that moment Remus stepped forward and before Harry could step back he had embraced him tightly, arms wrapped around his back and neck. Remus was calmly whispering to him, calming him down, hot breath in his ear and Harry found himself incapable of movement. Dumbledore moved to put a hand on Severus' arm and he leaned in to whisper to him, "I knew how how you felt about Harry ever since he entered this castle," but only Severus heard Dumbledore's whisper. Sirius' knuckles stretched even whiter over his pale skin as he clenched his fist, he knew he could not defy Dumbledore because he was not a fool, he trusted him, but he would not stand for him to know _nothing _about what was going on here with Harry. "I will write to you Harry. You tell me whether if he touches you!" Remus' head snapped back. "You will not!" Remus objected, but upon seeing Sirius's defiant face sighed, "I will write to him." Harry smirked evilly for Remus would be the one to explain how he and Sirius had got together and what had happened between his father and Snape...


	10. Snape's Worst Memory

Finally finished this chapter :) Enjoy :D

* * *

Remus released Harry, and he turned and walked slowly towards Hogsmeade. Remus was pretty sure Harry was not going to run off again, he needed to talk with Sirius and Dumbledore. But when he returned to the group of disgruntled and windswept wizards Sirius and Severus left to follow Harry. Sirius, glared at him as he trudged by and Severus left to follow looking uncomfortable, as if Dumbledore (who was standing next to him) was telling him something he didn't want to hear. Leaving Remus with Dumbledore alone in the snow and the sleet. Remus frowned, looking at Dumbledore, and sighed before he opened his mouth to discuss the turn of events, "I have to admit, Dumbledore, I was reluctant to believe you - when you said you trusted Snape as much as you trust me. I thought you had just said that to calm Sirius down. I guess... now I know you knew Severus felt that way about Harry. Why would you keep his secret? Why are you letting all this happen? Why did you let me in this castle if you were only going to let Harry choose?"

"It is my intention to let things unfold. That is my judgment. If I had told you of my intentions, would you have let me?"

Lupin sighed, then smiled, of course he wouldn't have. He would have thought Dumbledore mad – to have known how Snape felt and not tell anyone!To encourage it! Remus frowned, thinking of Snape's reactions - remembering him turn hysterical and wildly admit all the things that he done for Harry to keep him safe – he really did love him.

He frowned again at the intensity of it, "I think we should still keep an eye on them, Dumbledore."

Dumbledore beamed, "and you will, you will become very close with Harry by means of letter and floo powder. And Merlin's beard he will he need it!" assured Dumbledore – grinning as if he anticipated the actions of a romantic Snape would be funny! Remus stopped walking, gawking at Dumbledore, who just grinned and kept walking. Remus frowned as he walked after Dumbledore, realising that he had never actually considered what Severus being romantic with Harry would look like.

Hermione looked up for the umpteenth time when the door of the Three Broomsticks flew open again, expecting to see a very late and sorry Harry Potter, he had her worried sick. What if Lupin had done something? Hermione didn't think Remus Lupin would do anything, but he had been acting very strange lately, and she wondered whether his sexual interest in Harry had begun when he had become of age. Hermione didn't know _that _much about the sexual development of werewolves, but she did know that it was a more of a supernatural bond between a werewolf and their mate that begins the moment they set eyes on their mate and continues platonically until the time when the mate 'comes of age'. Thinking logically Hermione could figure some truth in what she had read because when their mate did 'come of age' they would be emitting pheromones and hormones into their blood-stream that could be picked up by the strong nose of the werewolf.

The door flew open again and Hermione looked up, she gasped as Professor Dumbledore walked in, eyes twinkling with glee. Hermione stood up as Harry followed Dumbledore through the door, but she staggered forward awkwardly upon seeing Severus Snape towering behind Harry. Professor Snape looked frightened, it took a moment for Hermione to recognise fear or shock on his face when it was so rarely ever displayed. Harry walked over immediately, face set and determined, not even looking behind him to regard Dumbledore or Snape.

"D'you think they caught him on the date?" Ron whispered fearfully in her ear.

But at that moment Harry grabbed both of them by the robes and dragged them over to the far back corner of the bar, to a secluded table. "What's going on, Harry?" Ron asked, as they fell into their seats.

"Snape followed me - !"

"Into Madame Puddifoot's?" gushed Hermione.

"Yes! And he burst through the door when Remus was kissing me!"

Ron's and Hermione's mouth dropped but Harry gushed on, "But it doesn't matter anyway because I found out _by Snape _that Remus is with Sirius!"Harry growled angrily, slamming the table with his fist suddenly.

Hermione and Ron stared.

It was a moment before they could say anything, they gawked in utter silence.

"What?" Ron whispered, when he could finally speak.

"Here's what happened:" Harry started to gush, "I was just sitting with Remus - and he was going on about something or rather - and he starts moving the table aside, slowly, while he's talking. Like I'm not _meant_ to notice and **then, all of a sudden **he just kicks the table over, grabs me, and starts kissing me!" Harry said, the words tumbling over one another in a rush, his voice growing louder with every word.

" And then I hear the door being kicked in, and Remus doesn't stop, he just keeps going, and Snape walks in on me and Remus, lip-locked together!" Hermione and Ron stare at him still.

" And he screams, "WHAT IS THIS?" and then he grabs me, pulls me away from Remus and tells me that Remus only asked me out to see whether he would follow me. And It's true. Lupin only asked me out, purposely in potions class because he knew Snape would listen at the keyhole _and follow me _to Madame Puddifoots_. _And it was all for Sirius because Lupin _loves _him and Sirius begged him to come here and _protect _me against Snape..." Hermione gawked – and Ron frowned pensively - at the revelation.

"I screamed at him and ran off," Harry continued,"I ended up in some deserted part of Hogsmeade – Until I saw Lupin, who must have ran after me. I couldn't control myself – I used the impediment jinx on him. I was just _SO angry_."

" Lupin tried to explain, but before he could I was screaming at him, "why didn't you just tell me why you were here? Why didn't you tell me you were with Sirius?" and then I say something horrible... I say that he made me fall in love with him and he starts crying - and I kiss him_."_

" _I know, _it was _stupid. _And then Sirius shows up! With Dumbledore! And Snape! I was furious! And I just start screaming, "I'm being followed again!" "

" I suddenly just bolt off, but Snape and Lupin run after me. Lupin threw me to the ground and said that he only did it to pr_otect _me because he and Sirius couldn't sit around while they think I'm being raped by a death eater like Snape. And then Snape goes all crazy and he says... He says that he was THERE. All those times. There when I was trying to get the philosophers stone, there when I stole Gilly Weed from his private potion cupboard, there when I battled the mountain troll in the dungeon and there when I was kissing Lupin – he said it was to protect me! He's been acting all along! Snape never hated me – He loved me!"

Now Hermione and Ron were frowning, trying to put it all together in their heads of what was the real Snape and what was just an act. But suddenly Ron turned, hearing the whisper of robes.

"Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, smiling at him.

Harry was trying, with great difficulty, not to _glare _at Dumbledore.

"You are best to ask all of your questions of Remus when you get back to the castle," he smiled and glided off, knowing that Harry would leave now anyway because of his bad mood and Snape could finally act.

* * *

"How could you do this Remus?" shouted Sirius, "Do I not _mean _anything to you?"

Remus mouth dropped, "You mean everything to me, Sirius."

"No I don't!" Sirius ranted, "because if I did you wouldn't have done this! You wouldn't have done this to Harry! That was _sick, _Remus! How Could you?"

"I'm sorry. I know. It was wrong of me. But it was the only way that I could be _sure _of how Snape felt! The only way I'd be _sure _of Harry's safety! You didn't exactly give me any suggestions on _how _I would figure out how Snape felt, protect Harry from him during his classes while not being seen!"

"Remus! I didn't care how you did it! As long as you protected my god son! But you did the exact opposite! You now made it ok for Snape! Now he thinks if its ok for you, its ok for him! Soon he'll be wooing my God Son and asking him on dates! Like You!"

* * *

Harry descended the stairs to Snape's dungeon reluctantly, thinking of all that had been said about Snape. Would Snape really act different now that he had admitted that he didn't hate him? Was Snape going to talk to him about it?

But when he walked in Snape was standing with his back to Harry, removing certain memories into the pensieve. Harry wondered whether Severus was going to face him at all when Snape's tense voice told him that he had detention.

Suddenly Snape's office door banged open and Malfoy ran in.

"Professor Snape – oh - Sorry -"

Malfoy looked between Snape and Harry, confused, wondering what on Earth Potter was doing in Professor Snape's office at this time of night. Draco knew this could only mean one of two things. "Well?"snapped Snape, "Have you got a reason why you are here so very late, Draco?"

"Have you?" smirked Draco, eying Potter pointedly.

"How dare you," Snape hissed, "I will not be questioned about my activities by a student – Potter is here for remedial potions – Detention, Mr Malfoy" said Snape, tense.

"Sorry Sir. It's Professor Umbridge, she needs your help, sir. She found Montague jammed inside a toilet on Fourth floor."

"How did he get there?" demanded Snape.

"I don't know, sir, he's a bit confused."

"We'll continue this tomorrow, Potter," said Snape.

He turned and swept from his office. Malfoy turned to look at him, an odd expression clear on his face, as if curious, before he followed Snape out of his office.

He felt grateful that he had not had to endure a full lesson of Occlumency worrying whether Snape would bring up what had happened with Remus... Although now he did have another 24hrs to contemplate how and when Snape would bring up what he had witnessed, and what he would say when he did. Harry turned to leave Snape's office, whether he could find the information out by himself – Harry's mind flickered back to Snape's desk, picturing a leather-bound diary belonging to professor Snape, with all the answers in them, but he quickly disregarded the possibility, he knew Snape would go to great lengths to protect his secrets. But that was then Harry saw it, a patch of shimmering light on the door frame. Harry turned. The light was coming from the pensieve on Snape's desk. The silvery memories of Snape swirled within the pensieve... memories that Snape didn't want Harry to see... memories that Snape was hiding from him.

What was it that Snape was hiding? Harry shivered, excitedly, taking two steps towards the pensieve. Could the answers to what happened between Snape and his father lie within the pensieve?

Harry stopped, guessing how long it would take for Snape to accompany Montague from the fourth floor toilets to the hospital wing. Would it be enough time for him to find out what exactly had Snape been hiding from him? Harry glanced over his shoulder, straining his ears for any students wandering the dungeons at this time of night. Harry almost laughed at himself, why would anybody _want _to be in the dungeons at this time of night?

Harry took the remaining steps to the pensieve and stood staring into its depths. He hesitated... Was he really about to do this... was this going too far... Harry trembled … Snape could be back any minute but Harry thought of whether and a great need for knowledge seized him. He took a deep breath and plunged his face into the swirling thoughts in the pensieve . The office floor lurched, throwing him head-first into Snape's memories. Harry felt his feet hit the ground and he opened his eyes.

He was standing in the Great Hall, full of small exam tables and students with their heads bent low over them, quills scratching across the scrolls of parchment in front of them. Harry looked around for Snape, this _was _his memory. Harry stared as he locked his eyes on Snape-the-teenager. He was gangly, he had long and droopy limbs like that of a plant kept in the dark. And boy, was he pale. His eye sockets were sunken and dark with sleep deprivation. His eyes were black holes staring at the paper under his nose and he twitched nervously as his hand flew across the parchment, writing far more than his neighbours. Harry knew Snape had been studying late into the night and nerves ad got the best of him when he studied his nervously twitching pale body.

"Five more minutes," said a voice, making him and Snape both jump. Harry turned and it was Professor Flitwick, walking by a certain messy haired teenager, and Harry lurched forward. Harry stubbed his toe and staggering over to his father. Harry watched his father in awe as he realised how alike they were. His hair even stuck up in the same places.

His father gave Professor Flitwick a furtive glance before turning to grin at another student. Harry grinned as he saw Sirius Black the teenager give his father the thumbs up. Sirius grinned lazily as he flicked his long hair back, seemingly reminiscing, then he sighed and turned to look over at a boy across from him. And Harry went cold as he understood, as he saw Sirius sighing over at Lupin. Harry wondered how long _exactly _had this been going on? Sirius had been with Remus since he was a student himself! Remus was practically his godmother, since he practically gay-married Sirius, and he had still used him to get close to Snape! They were pretty much related and he kissed Harry!

Harry shook himself and turned away from Remus and Sirius. Harry jumped, having caught the eye of Severus Snape, staring at him – Snape couldn't see him – could he?

Harry waved his arms frantically, trying to gouge a reaction. But Snape gave no recognition, even tough Harry was waving his arms around stupidly,making funny faces. He stopped, looking behind him – there must be something that he's staring at behind Harry. Harry looked at all the students, pens scratching, heads down in concentration – he could be staring at any one of them. But Harry jumped as he realised he could only be staring at one, James Potter, there hadn't been rumours about them for _no _reason at all. He was staring, eyes softer than Harry had ever seen them, his gaze riveted. Snape really did like his Dad. Sirius had been right.

Questions flooded his mind... How could he know for sure? He certainly couldn't ask Snape... Did his father reciprocate?

The blood in Harry's veins turned to ice as he approached Severus, who had shook himself and was trying to get back into the exam, all be it distractedly. Harry stood over him, peering over him. He was writing an extensive answer about whether you would use the aid of a Niffler or a Hinkypunk to improve Ministry of Magic security. Snape huffed, quill slowing as he lost concentration, glancing through Harry at James. But when Snape came frowning back to his parchment, he wrote 'James Potter' where he meant to write about the uses of a Niffler as opposed to a Hinkypunk. That was proof enough to Harry that Severus liked James when Severus squeaked, coming out of his dream-like stupor, realising he'd just wrote 'James Potter' instead of 'A Niffler'. He frantically scribbled out the words until there was a large ink blot in the middle of the parchment. He sighed in relief and scowled at James, as if blaming him for the large ink blot in the middle of the page as Professor Flitwick, stopped by his desk, features angry, "Eyes down," he told Snape.

James and just about every other student turned to stare at the exchange between Flitwick and Snape. James caught Snape's eyes when he turned, and he frowned, confused at Snape being caught looking at him. _James mustn't know, _Harry thought. Snape tore his eyes from James' and looked down, then around wildly, eyes locking on a group of Slytherin boys who were whispering conspiratorially to each other and Snape shook his head, as if to tell them that he wasn't doing what they thought, that he wasn't staring at James Potter. Harry stomach dropped as he recognised the group. Lucius Malfoy and his cronies were the ones planning something for Snape. Harry thought this was odd – Snape and Lucius were both in Slytherin, shouldn't they be friends?

Harry wished he could read lips because Lucius, after whispering, was grinning wickedly, which probably meant something awful for Snape. "Five minutes" Professor Flitwick announced to the students, then he turned to Snape "- I'll let you off this time Mr Snape, considering its the first time I've seen you look at somebody else's work, but I warn you that Hogwarts does not tolerate that sort of behaviour". Snape nodded shakily and returned back to his work, hands jittering nervously as he finished his over-sized paragraph. Harry wandered back to his father, wondering whether he had recognised the longing glint in Snape's eyes. Whether he had or hadn't remained a mystery, but what mattered was the snitch that James was doodling on his paper, with the initials L.E on it. Who or what was L.E?

"Quills down! Please remain seated while I collect your parchments. Accio!" announced Professor Flitwick. Over a hundred rolls of parchment flew through the air and into Professor Flitwickʹs outstretched arms at his summon.

"Everybody, you're free to go!" said Flitwick, carrying the toppling pile of exams to a nearby desk.

Harry looked around, torn between his father, who was hoisting his bag on his back and joining Sirius, and Severus, who was already crossing to the Entrance Hall. Snape walked in a twitchy manner, like a spider, hair bouncing around his pallid face as he walked. His hair oilier and his face sallower than Harry had ever seen. He seemed to be looking for someone. Perhaps he was looking out for Lucius and his gang.

A gang of chattering girls separated Snape from James, Sirius and Lupin, and by planting himself in their midst, Harry managed to keep Snape in sight while straining his ears to catch the voices of James and his friends.

"So James... Severus was staring at you -"

"Don't ruin this with talk of _Snivellus, _Moony," Padfoot interjected.

"I'm just saying -"

"No -" Sirius tried to interject again.

"I don't think Severus hates you as much as you think James," Remus suggested.

"What exactly are you saying, Moony?" James asked furiously.

"No – Nothing," Remus stuttered, thrown off track by James' reaction.

Harry frowned. Moony _knew _how Snape felt about James and his father had never listened.

Harry looked anxiously behind him again. Snape was still close by and James remained on the other side of the group of girls angrily chiding Remus for his survey of Snape. Harry was worried he would have to chose between the two, but this was Snape's memory and he was sure that if Snape chose to wander off in a different direction he would have to follow Severus. To his intense relief, however, when James and his three friends strode off down the lawn towards the lake, Snape followed. By keeping a little ahead of him, Harry managed to maintain a close watch on James and the others as well as on Snape.

"Ok, Ok James, I won't mention Snape to you any more but I just want you to consider the possibility of you and him being -" he was going to say 'friends' but at James' furious glare Remus said "civil." James looked away, angrily. He threw himself down under the beech tree beside the lake and begun catching and re-catching the golden snitch, being watched by a delighted Wormtail.

Harry turned, checking on Snape, who was sitting in the shade of an oak tree reading a book and occasionally glancing around, presumably for Lucius. Harry wondered whether Lucius were Severus' friends, since Snape seemed to be looking for them but they were nowhere to be found. He looked quickly around to see if the Slytherins were lurking nearby, but found them nowhere... Which was odd – usually you didn't have to look for Slytherins, you either heard them being rowdy or you saw them being rowdy in a large group.

Having not foreseen any oncoming danger or distractions for Severus he turned back to James and his friends. Lupin had pulled out a book and was reading, Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. James was still playing with the Snitch, letting it zoom further and further away, almost escaping, but always catching it at the last second. Wormtail was watching him, mouth open, gasping and applauding when James made a good catch. After five minutes of this, Harry wondered why James didn't tell Wormtail to get a grip, but James seemed to be rather enjoying all the attention. Harry noticed that his father had a habit of rumpling up his hair as though to keep it from getting too tidy, and he also kept looking over at the girls by the waterʹs edge.

"Will you two stop that?" Sirius snapped, finally, "Before Wormtail wees himself in excitement."

"ok, if you say so," said James, dissapointed.

"I'm bored," complained Sirius, "I wish it was a full moon."

Remus looked up, angrily, but before he could retort James interjected. "Well look who it is... This will liven you up, Padfoot," said James, nodding his head in Harry's direction.

Sirius' head turned quickly to see Snape. "Excellent," he said, "_Snivellus_."

Harry turned to see who Sirius was looking at. Harry's stomach dropped, they were looking at Severus. As if Severus could feel something coming, he had already stood up and put his book in his bag. As he left the shadow of the oak tree, Sirius and James stood up. Lupin remained sitting, appearing to be reading his book still, although his eyes were unmoving and a faint frown had appeared.

James and Sirius approached Severus. Harry flexed between Severus and James.

"Alright, Snivellus?" called James loudly.

Snape reacted lightning fast, as though he had expected an attack; he dropped his bag, he thrust his hand inside his robes for his wand. But his hand was only halfway to the air when James shouted, "_Expelliarmus_!"

Snape's wand was thrown into the air and fell in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter. Harry's mind froze, able to do nothing but look from Severus to James frantically. _"__Impedimenta_!" cast Sirius, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off his feet mid-dive towards his wand on the grass beside him. Severus fell and lay panting and pale on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands raised, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls watching him. Students all around had turned to watch. Some of them had got to their feet and were edging nearer. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained.

"Howʹd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.

"His nose was touching the parchment, I saw," said Sirius viciously. "The grease will stain the parchment, no one will be able to read a word."

Several people watching laughed. Snape was clearly unpopular. But Harry wondered where Snape's Slytherin buddies were, and why weren't they protecting him? Snape tried to get to his feet, thrashing horribly, still bound by the jinx's invisible ropes.

"You wait!" he screeched, glaring up at Sirius and James, indignant and furious, "You'll get what you deserve!"

"Popularity," suggested James and some people _actually _laughed at his father's arrogant suggestion.

Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes, but with his wand ten feet away nothing happened.

ʹWash out your mouth,ʹ said James coldly. ʹ_Scourgify_!ʹ

Pink soap bubbles erupted from Snapeʹs mouth at once; froth spilling out over his lips, making him gag, choking him ‐

ʹLeave him ALONE!ʹ

Jamesʹs free hand immediately jumped to his hair as Lily Evans came over from the lakes edge.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "Whatʹs he done to you? You think you're funny but you're just an arrogant, bullying toe-rag. I wouldn't go out with you even if it were a choice between you and the giant squid."

Behind him, the Impediment Jinx was wearing off. Snape was beginning to inch towards his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled. Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of Jamesʹs face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about: a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside‐down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants. Harry gasped.

Many people in the small crowd cheered; Sirius, James and Wormtail roared with laughter.

ʹLet him down!ʹ

ʹCertainly,ʹ said James and he jerked his wand upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, ʹ_Petrificus Totalus_!ʹ and Snape keeled over again, rigid as a board.

ʹTake the curse off him!ʹ Lily shouted, pointing her own wand at James and Sirius who eyed it warily.

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter‐curse.

"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet. "Youʹre lucky Evans was here, Snivellus —"

"Evans! A filthy little Mudblood is the only reason why you're so cruel to me? I Never did anything to you!" yelled Snape running back towards the Great Hall.

Harry glimpsed the dumbstruck faces of James and his mates before the ground moved out from under him and he was sent gliding after the flailing robes of Severus Snape. Harry ran after Snape who ran through the grounds, approaching a group of tall and leering Slytherin boys. "Where were you?" Snape asked, bending over to catch his breath, "I just got attacked by Potter and his gang." Harry recognised Lucius, standing in the center, next to Mulciber and Avery as the boys who were scheming in the exam room. There was something wrong. Something wrong in they way the group just stood there watching Snape. Snape hadn't conceived of the change in atmosphere and looked up, confused at the groups silence. "What?" said Severus, "has Mulciber screwed up another silencing spell?"

"No!" said Mulciber defensively, "You stupid git! We promised! We made a pact that all of us would help keep our secret," shouted Mulciber, putting a hand on Avery's hip and drawing him close. Harry frowned at the way that Avery flinched, then snuggled into Mulciber like a kitten. Then it struck Harry, the secret was that the group of Slytherin were gay!

Harry had always thought it was obvious that Lucius was gay and as ring-leader he had came out first but it appeared that not all members were actually gay. From the way that Avery had flinched when Mulciber touched him it appeared that Mulciber was forcing Avery into pretending they were gay, maybe to fit in.

"Yes, we did make a pact, but that was between Slytherins! " hissed Lucius, who dipped his hand in his robes and brought out his wand. Severus stared anxiously as Lucius lifted his wand level with his face. "Crucio," hissed Lucius, his silver eyes cold. Harry gasped, lunging forwards as Severus dropped onto the grass, writhing and twitching, spasming and screaming. Lucius lifted his wand, ceasing Severus' pain.

"A Gryffindor! This was meant to be between us Slytherins," said Lucius, standing over Snape's twitching body. " It was obvious to everyone that a Slytherin had the hots for a Gryffindor," screeched Lucius shaking with rage. "How could you like a Gryffindor?" chimed in Mulciber. "Everyone's gonna think you're gay!" taunted Avery.

Lucius sent Avery a defensive cold stare, "I know Avery is secretly going on with this because he wants to feel included in our pact, you should deal with him more openly Mulciber."

Harry's eyes widened, Lucius was encouraging Mulciber to take Avery in the open! Harry watched and dreaded as Lucius knelt over Severus' quivering body. Harry saw Severus was helpless, he was twitching too violently to push Lucius off. Severus locked eyes with Lucius, trying to appear sexually aroused by Lucius' proximity. Lucius snatched up a handful of his black hair. Severus flinched before he was struck cold across the face. "How dare you choose a Gryffindor!" spat Lucius in disgust, undoing his belt. Harry saw Snape's terrified expression as Lucius' pants dropped, "Lucius, lets not do it here. Lets go back to your rooms," Snape suggested trying to appear calm.

"I don't think so, Snape. You can't slither your way out from under me. You will not set eyes on another man, especially not a Gryffindor. You are mine!" hissed Lucius as he caressed his pale cock.

Harry turned, hoping that something, _anything _would come between Severus and the impending rape. But nothing came... Severus whimpered as his wand was casually thrown aside and his underwear pulled down to his ankles. "Keep an eye out," Lucius ordered Mulciber as he positioned himself between Snape's open legs. "No!" shouted Severus, making Harry turn, in time to see Lucius hands streaking over Severus' twitching and quaking body, thrusting into him and hoisted his legs over his shoulders. Lucius grunted, resting himself over Snape's quivering chest as he revelled in the feeling of Snape enveloping his cock. Snape was stiff as board, it appeared he had been hit by an impediment jinx, but Harry knew he hadn't, he was suffering. Tears prickled in Harry's eyes as Lucius thrust in over and over and over again, loudly, mercilessly, he just wanted it to stop. The groaning got louder and louder, thrusting got harder and harder and then suddenly - died.

Harry turned.

Lucius was frozen. Eyes wide. James Potter stood frozen before the Lucius and Snape, Mulciber and Avery nowhere to be found. "Help," whispered Snape. James stood there for a moment, utterly gobsmacked. Harry thought for a moment James was so shocked he wouldn't do anything but in a split second James' hand dove for his wand. "_Incarcerous,_" James' cracked voice whispered.

Lucius dropped onto Severus, who limply pulled out from underneath him, miserably pulling his underwear back up. James watched Severus wearily, slowly stepping closer, as if he were approaching a Hippogriff. "Severus, are you ok?" James whispered, hands coming to rest on Severus' shoulders. Severus flinched, like Avery had when Mulciber had touched him, looking up into James' eyes. Severus didn't say anything but before Harry knew it Snape's hands had snaked around James' neck and his mouth was on James' mouth and he was watching his father struggle as Snape's tongue lapped at his fathers. _Oh no! _Harry thought as he watched James wand emit a red beam that hit Severus in the torso. Severus dropped onto the ground screaming horribly as his flesh steamed.

But Harry never saw what James did next. A hand had attached itself with bruising grip onto his upper arm. Wincing in pain, Harry felt himself being hurled into the air, the screams of Snape-the-teenager ceasing as Harry's feet hit the stone floor of Snape's dungeon.

A horrible reality settled on him as he realised he was back in the shadows of the potions classroom before the pensieve and he turned to see a fully grown Snape, white with rage.

Harry started to feel woozy. "P – P – Pr," Harry started to say, but he stopped as Snape's deathgrip enclosed both of his arms and he was shook so hard that his glasses fell down his nose.

"S – Severus, I'm Sorry. I d – didn't mean to -"

"YOU WILL NOT TELL _ANYBODY_ OF WHAT YOU SAW!" Snape bellowed, throwing Harry from him with all his might. Harry fell bone-crackingly hard on the dungeon floor.

"GET OUT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE IN MY OFFICE AGAIN!"

Harry hurled himself towards the door, a jar of dead cockroaches exploding over his head. Harry didn't stop until a full three floors had been put between Snape and himself.

* * *

Scarcely breathing Harry scrawled a note he hoped would be delivered to Remus with the utmost speed Hedwig could manage.

_Dear Remus, _

_As if the fiasco at Madame Puddifoots wasn't enough I have gone and made Potions class even more unbearable than it already was. I did something terrible. _

_It all began with Occlumency. _

_In the start of my Occlumency lessons Snape always hides some of his memories in Dumbledore's pensieve. Only this time Snape left me alone with a pensieve full of his most secret memories. I couldn't help it. Before I knew it my face was in the pensieve and I was watching Snape's worst memory. _

_It was exam time and you, Sirius, Peter and Dad were sitting under the beech tree beside the lake when Sirius decided it would be fun to hex Severus. They spelled him upside down and everyone saw is underwear. This wasn't even the worse part. Severus finally got away but he ran into Lucius, Avery and Mulciber. They did something terrible. Dad walked in on it. Severus was so thankful that Dad walked in on it he kissed him. I didn't get to see Dad's reaction, only that his wand went off mid-kiss and struck Severus with a charm that looked torturous._

_What can I do? It was so terrible a memory I feel he would never talk to me again. He got so angry he threw things at me. He said he didn't want to see me again._

_Harry_

* * *

Reviews, suggestions, comments and praise are welcome :)

Plus, if you or anybody you know would be interested in beta-ing my work please message me._  
_


	11. Howler Threats

Hey Guys, Hope you like this chapter. Hold out for my next chapter, it'll certainly be bigger than this one, I'm planning something big :)

* * *

"Harry, it's about time you realized it," said Ron, bending to sit on the edge of Harry's four-poster bed. "You've been moping for a day now -"

"What, Ron?" snapped Harry, rolling over in his bed to glare at Ron.

"You're in love with him"

"What?"

"You're in love with Snape. Admit it," said Ron simply, "You've been moping around for a full day, you haven't left the common room, even to eat, you just sit there staring mutely. It's because you're in love with Snape! You're so scared that if you go out and see Snape that you'll burst into tears thinking about all that you've found out about him."

"Burst into tears!" cried Harry indignantly, "I wouldn't burst into tears! I'm not in love with him! I'm simply depressed and..." Harry trailed off, lost for words. He took a deep breath and decided to tell the truth, Ron was his best Friend after all, "I just feel _empty_. I've spent all my life at Hogwarts thinking Snape _hated _me until a while ago where I found out that not only does he not hate me, he's been protecting me! He's been pretending to hate me all the while keeping tabs on me, protecting me from Voldemort, mountain trolls and werewolves because he apparently _loves _me and not my dad! But then he goes and throws me out and I'm not sure what to do now."

"Ok... Let's get this straight. Snape had the hots for your dad when he was a teenager, after your dad died he vowed that he would never love again, but when you came to Hogwarts he realized that James wasn't the one he was in love with anyway and ever since then he's been running around after you trying to protect you from getting killed or fucked by other men," said Ron without breaths. "See Harry..." Ron said resolutely, as if something was obvious from the muddle that had just spilled, "He loves you! And him being grouchy all the time and hating your guts is all an act!"

Harry frowned, "See I still don't get the part where you said he's protecting me from getting fucked by other men..."

"I mean protect you from Lupin. Think about it Harry. If you were Snape and you loved you, then if some twat werewolf came round and tried to steal you, you'd be PISSED and burst in before that twat kissed you," Harry laughed, but Ron was dead serious, "But that's not important. What's important is that he's just acting when he's being an asshole. He actually loves you and you love him too."

"Errr!" cried Harry. Ron took a big breath in, preparing to combat him on his previous childish retort.

"You're depressed that you have four days to spend sitting around not seeing him, heartbroken that he's told you he doesn't want to see you again and by the fact that he was raped and bullied as a child just as you were, your body reacts to his touch AND you've had wet dreams about the man! Remember I heard you – writhing and the like as you dreamed about Snape touching you!"

"Those dreams were -!" screeched Harry, "not as bad as you think," he finished, feeling beaten.

Ron grinned in triumph, "If you're not ready to admit it I'll have my mum send you a howler."

Harry sighed. Ron was right. Plus he really didn't want a howler from Mrs. Weasley. And he was hungry – very hungry. He had sat there thinking all Friday afternoon about how the hell was he to continue doing Potions if he had to be in the same room as Snape and his dark glares, horrible memories of Severus shaking him had came into his mind. And he was so depressed because he realized he had Snape were exactly alike. He had been taunted and teased for years by Dudley, he knew what it was like to be teased and Snape had experienced the very same thing. His father had seen to it that Snape's life was a living hell. How could Harry live with himself? He had hated Snape and Snape had hated him – But they were exactly alike and it was _his _father that had made Snape the way he was today.

Ron and Hermione smiled as they saw Harry descend the stairs into the common room. He joined them in the squishy Gryffindor arm chairs, "I'm sorry for the way I've acted. I must have been... really depressing," Harry apologized as he sat down, looking around at the busy but quiet common room. "What everyone looking at?" Harry asked, nodding to a group of Gryffindors studying small pamphlets near the notice board. "Uhh," Ron took in a breath, "listen Harry... McGonagall's put up a notice this morning. I didn't have the heart to tell you upstairs. Next week is career week -"

"So?" asked Harry, confused at why he was being so sensitive.

"Well, when I went up there to check – Just go and see for yourself"

Harry got up and pushed past many milling Gryffindor's to get to the notice boards. There was a note on the board which read:

_CAREER'S WEEK_

_All fifth year students are required to attend a series of presentations from Monday to Friday at 9pm in the Great Hall regarding the many careers Hogwarts and The Ministry of Magic has to offer. In addition, students are required to attend a short meeting with their Head of House to discuss their future careers. Times of Presentations and individual meeting times are listed below. _

Harry looked down the list of Guest Speakers at the presentations and discovered _exactly _why Ron was reluctant to tell him what was going on. For the first presentation was listed as:

_PRESENTATIONS_

_MONDAY _

_9pm-9:30pm Department of Magical Artifacts_

_ Speech Given By Lucius Malfoy_

_9:30pm-10pm Hogwarts Potions Department_

_ Speech given by Severus Snape_

Harry turned to gawp at Ron and Hermione. He turned back to the notice, his brain was feeling numb and slow, perhaps he had read it incorrectly. That numb feeling reached his joints as he realized with horror that he had interpreted the notice right, Lucius and Severus will be reunited on Monday night _in front of him. _His turned and walked numbly back to Hermione and Ron, who eyed him warily as he dropped into a squishy arm chair.

"Harry!" Hermione screeched worriedly.

Harry stood up, in total resolve, "I'm going to find Professor Snape," he announced. It was time he did something. He couldn't sit idle by while Severus awaited Lucius's arrival. There must be something done.

* * *

Harry was now shaking, staring at the heavy iron door to his potions classroom, eerily reminded of the dream that Ron had called a wet dream.

He frowned. He had planned to just stand here, his back against the cold stone corridor until Snape came out but it was rather cold and eerie down here and he wondered whether he should knock and get it over with.

He stood here for another few more minutes feeling stupid. He cleared his throat, he had imagined that somehow Snape could just feel the presence of another human close to him and would come out of his office straight away, but it wasn't going to plan. He listened carefully, he could hear no noise on the other side of the door, he coughed a little louder. Harry's heart jumped as he heard scuffling behind the heavy potions door. The door opened swiftly, he jumped visibly as Snape's head curled around the door. Snape's snarling expression went blank with surprise as he saw Harry standing there. He opened the door wider, his expression furious; he shook with anger as he gathered his robes about him. Harry had hoped to be on top of the situation, to be the interrogator, but Snape's formidable visage had him shaking and lost for words.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, POTTER?" Snape bellowed, advancing on him, he took Harry by the neck of the robes and begun to shake Harry, threatening to make his life a living hell if he told anyone about what he saw. Harry was freaking out, his numb mind grasping at straws; he needed to throw Snape off track other wise this was going to end very badly. Harry resisting the urge to run, he knew he must do something drastic; he took hold of Severus's collar.

"Like my dad made your life a living hell?"

Snape immediately stopped shaking him.

"No. You won't. You'd be as bad him if you did," Harry softened his approach as he watched Snape's infuriated expression turn to absolute shock, "I'm sorry for what my father and Lucius did to you. I – I understand what it feels like -"

"Harry, Lucius and I are adults," spat Severus and with that he turned on his heels and slammed the potions door behind him.

* * *

"Headmaster, You'll never guess what just happened to me," said Severus.

Albus looked up from a heavy volume, surprised by Severus's casual manner.

"Harry Potter just stopped by my office."

Dumbledore's eyebrows rose in surprise, "Ahh, so how did he take your worst memory?"

"Headmaster, he seemed _genuinely_ worried that I would be _crushed _by Lucius's arrival"

"Severus he's only a boy -"

"I'm not that fragile – Does he think that I've never dealt with what happened?"

"I don't think he can imagine the best side of you, Severus. He only sees what you let everyone see. He is a genuine boy, genuinely worried about you, Severus"

"Why do you think he's so worried about me? He's spent his life with Sirius Black whispering in his ear."

"I guess you'll find out tonight"

* * *

"Harry," Hermione shrieked, "What happened?"

"I don't know why you look so excited Hermione," said Harry, she looked crestfallen, so he elaborated, "What did you expect to happen? He slammed the door in my face. Let's go to dinner, I'm starving."

They entered the Great Hall, Harry's eyes automatically settling on the table at the far end where Professor McGonagall sat next to – Severus Snape who immediately locked eyes with him. Harry tore his eyes away.

"He looks better than usual," Hermione commented.

Hermione was right. His skin had never been less waxy than it was now, his eyes never this bright, his hair never this shiny or soft. Ron and Hermione grinned as a soft and day dream like expression swept over Harry's face as he looked at Snape's new healthy demeanor. Severus looked over at Harry, whose eyes were immediately lost in his, and discovered exactly why Harry was worried about him. He was infatuated with him. He almost jumped out of his chair to realize that this positively angelic boy was staring at _him _in an amorous manner.

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Reviews, feedback welcome!

Plus if anyone can think of a better summary for this story they should message me :p


	12. Priori Incantatem

Hey! Big chapter for you all to read. I hope you all enjoy it.

Happy reading!

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Severus sat staring at his glass of fire whiskey, refusing to look again over the rowdy table of Gryffindor's who were enjoying their dinner. Severus grimaced as he heard Dumbledore get up from his chair and walk over to him.

"Severus, come and see me in my office," whispered Dumbledore, putting a hand on Severus' shoulder. Severus turned slightly towards Dumbledore but kept his eyes down firmly, looking at the red liquid swirling in his glass.

"Undoubtedly, you want to discuss Potter," guessed Severus smoothly.

"Naturally," smiled Dumbledore.

Severus sighed and got up, with one final furtive glance at Potter who was talking closely with Granger and Weasley across Gryffindor table, and followed Dumbledore away from the Great Hall and towards Dumbledore's office.

Severus stared, leaning against the wall in Dumbledore's office, looking out the window at the grounds of Hogwarts, wishing that he didn't have to explain his _feelings _to the Headmaster.

"What do I have to say to satisfy you, Headmaster? I don't want to talk about Potter."

Dumbledore didn't say anything. He quietly observed Snape as he continued to survey the grounds below the window.

"He – likes me. How is that possible? I've spent years convincing Potter I hate him – Sirius Black has too – and now it's all undone," said Severus with difficulty, the words being wrenched from him, rather incoherently, "... With one memory," Severus whispered remorsefully.

"I – couldn't live – wanted to die when – I loved Lily – I loved James and _hated _him simultaneously – I spent years trying to protect Harry, who Lily and James died for, because I _love _him too -" Severus' voice was rough and haggard, the words ripping through his throat like the cutting pain which contorted his face.

"- All the while keeping him at arms length," finished Dumbledore softly, his blue eyes staring piercingly at Snape. "But why?" Dumbledore whispered, "I knew all along Severus. I knew that you loved Harry. I knew that you realized James wasn't your true love when he died. You were jealous of him and angry at him because he hated you and spread rumors about you, but you loved him. You felt that you would never love again after he died, vowed not to. Then Harry came along and you broke that vow. You loved him. You swore to protect him. So why did you pretend you hate him so when you loved him?"

"I _am_ protecting him - by being cruel to him – If he hates me, he'll never get close to me – never love me - He's protected - Protected from me - " groaned Severus, wounded.

"Severus," whispered Dumbledore softly, Severus turned to look at him slowly, "I have seen some suffer for love – but not as much as you have. Do not allow yourself to suffer the regret of never loving -"

"I do love!" shouted Severus, suddenly looking deranged, "I just won't … When I first saw him Dumbledore, it shook me, he was _both _of them, I thought I would have hated him – but I didn't. I loved him – And that scared me. I went through – years of pain – for James and it wasn't true – this love would cause me so much more pain. I loved both his mother and his father – yet I knew that wasn't the reason I loved Harry..."

"You won't let him love you," said Dumbledore, eyebrows raised, "You would protect him with your life? You would protect him against anything?" Dumbledore asked quietly, an urgent, desperate look in his piercing eyes.

Snape nodded stiffly.

"Protect him from a life without love," pleaded Dumbledore.

Dumbledore's eyes widened as he watched Severus' reactions. Never had he seen his eyes so wide, his face so pale, his eyes so _frightened._

Severus groaned like a wounded animal, collapsing beside the window.

"I CAN'T - You don't understand – I couldn't survive if he – The Dark Lord – or if he hurt me – like James," Severus sighed and the demented look in his eyes dimmed as he begun to start over, "I have spent years protecting him from every thing! Everything Evil! The Dark Lord! Werewolves! Trolls! ME! I am NOT going to let years of protection go down the drain!"

"You aren't evil. The act of protecting Harry – You love him - You have so much _love _Severus... Give it to Harry, or you'll regret it forever"

Severus shook his head, again and again, refusing.

Dumbledore didn't know whether Severus refusing to believe he wasn't evil, or whether he refused to love.

Dumbledore sighed, knowing it would take more than this to convince Severus of action, "What are you going to do then?"

"Pretend to hate him more than I ever have before. Scare him; shake him, more than I have before, so that he'll be safe, even though I worry about shaking him too much. He must be saved – But I'm fucking up! He already knows I'm trying to protect him! I need to hide my emotions! Discipline myself!"

"That won't work Severus," said Dumbledore smugly, "Harry knows about your façade. He knows how you pretend. He will never believe you hate him -"

Severus's eyes went wide staring out the window, searching frantically.

"Now that Harry has seen your worst memory, he will do his utmost to protect _you_," Dumbledore smirked.

"Darned Montague – had to get suck in a closet – it would have been _so _much easier if Harry didn't know – didn't see - now he _cares_ - damned brat – like his father – nosey – looking for trouble," grumbled Snape. Dumbledore smiled.

"Would it be so hard to kiss Harry?" Snape's head snapped up, black eyes glittering dangerously at Dumbledore, "Harry already knows you love him – it's only a matter of time before he asks you about it – or does something – tells you how he feels. We don't know what Harry will do next, Severus, but we know that he loves you and that Lily passed on her ability to see the good in people who couldn't see it themselves. Wouldn't it be funny if Harry also possessed James' passion for relentless romantic pursuits?"

Snape glared contemptuously.

* * *

"He does look a lot healthier," Harry agreed, "What do you suppose the reason for it is?"

"Maybe he's just been eating healthier," suggested Hermione nonchalantly.

"Maybe he looked in a mirror," laughed Ron, "realized how greasy his hair was and had a bath."

Hermione laughed, hitting Ron, but she was non-committal to censuring Ron's 'joke' about Severus.

Harry laughed, but scowled slightly at Hermione, who was immediately sheepish, "maybe he's been making potions to improve his appearance," she suggested brightly.

"But what for?" asked Harry, looking over at Severus who was looking rather conflicted and miserable, despite the new softness to his hair and the new light shining through his pale skin.

"Why is it so important?"

"...Because if he's doing it for Lucius' arrival..."

Ron laughed, "I doubt it."

"Lucius _is _beautiful," Harry reasoned.

Ron smirked, but Hermione looked very stern, "Harry, He loves you! That's why he's been protecting you," she reproved.

"I know – But he hasn't said it himself – and what if he _wants _to have sex with Lucius – he's a grown man, don't they like _need _it every once in a while?"

Hermione snorted and Ron almost choked on his chicken drumstick. "Harry, I don't think Snape's one of those people who _need_ or _get _sex often," grinned Hermione.

Harry smirked, thinking about his teacher preferring to read by the fire than be engaged in hot, sweaty sex with – his face went slightly pink as he imagined himself hot and sweaty with Severus.

Harry's stomach went cold as Lucius' stupid blonde head cropped up in his head and ruined the lovely sex he and Severus were having, "But... what if he accepts Lucius' invitation _because _it's not offered often?"

"He won't because he's not interested in Lucius!" cried Ron, clearly annoyed with Harry's persistence.

Harry sighed, "Ok, I'll leave it. But what am I going to do if he -"

Ron groaned loudly, incensed, "Look mate, I can solve all your problems right here, right now," Ron reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out something pink. Ron chucked it over at Harry, and Harry smirked to realize that it was Fred and George's extendible ears.

"Spy on him," suggested Ron firmly, "Use them."

Harry smiled evilly.

Harry had so many things the think about... He was overwhelmed. He hadn't even had time to think about actually admitting to _himself_ that he liked Snape. It was hard to believe all that had happened this term so far. He hadn't even had much time to consider, to muddle out, the mystery that was Severus Snape from the start. His mind touched on his first meeting with him. What was going through Snape's mind when they first met? It flicked to his third year and the revelation of his grudge against the Marauders. Across the many detentions he had spent with him. Why had he given Harry so many detentions? He remembered in the holidays, listening at the door to Severus telling his godfather that he would teach him occlumency. Snape telling them, "I am cruel to Harry Potter to keep him safe." _Why _did he pretend to hate him, or did he actually hate him? I mean, Harry knew that it was said that Severus loved him, but Snape had pretended he hated him since the beginning, did this mean that he had loved Harry as well as hated him? Did he only love Harry because he loved for his father?

Harry's stomach knotted, he desperately hoped that wasn't true, it hurt to think so. No, it mustn't be. It wouldn't make sense if he hated him. Harry remembered what Snape had said before he and Lupin went to Hogsmeade together, what he had said to Dumbledore after he'd ran from Madame Puddifoots, only to be followed and what he'd said to his Godfather. He couldn't _not_ love him. From what he had said – he did love him. Snape had been jealous of Lupin and worried that he'd hurt him. He'd been protective of him. It was much like Harry felt now, with Malfoy's impending arrival. Snape had only tried to protect him from Lupin, could Snape blame him if he tried to do the same? Harry couldn't bear the thought of Lucius having Snape while he was still breathing!

Hermione watched as Harry dreamily stared at Snape and laughed inwardly at Harry's daft notion that if he pretended to stare at a girl sitting the end of the Ravenclaw table that Snape _wouldn't_ notice the fact that he was staring out right at him every few minutes.

"Harry, stop staring - you're going to make it obvious," whispered Hermione across Gryffindor table.  
"I don't care. I want to make it obvious -"  
"Harry," she reprimanded in a high voice, "I don't think you should advertise the fact that you're in love with a teacher. McGonagall is a teacher _and _a member of the order; she could easily tell Sirius that you appear to be infatuated with him. And then what, Harry? Tell Sirius you plan to date a teacher and a Death Eater?"  
"I've told them this before, Hermione," whispered Harry furiously, "It's my choice who I date, and Dumbledore agrees."  
"But Snape's going to know!" shrieked Ron under his breath.  
"I know Ron. That's the point," smiled Harry.  
"So this is a logical action on your part. You _want _Snape to know so that he will consider making a move to continue an intimate relationship with you?"

"Yeah," But at the thought of having to admit his feelings to Sirius, he added, "But I'm sure he knows by now – so I'll turn down the staring..."

* * *

"What are we going to do, Remus? Dumbledore has sent you home, and now Harry is alone at Hogwarts -"

"He isn't alone, Sirius" said Remus, his eyes capturing Sirius' silver eyes, "He has his two best friends – they wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to Harry."

"Yes... but – Remus -"

"Enough, Sirius. There's no point worrying about it. If Harry wanted to be with Severus would you not let him?"

Sirius scowled at Remus across the long dining room table. "Snivellus is an ugly git! Who could love him?" cried Sirius.

"Yes – but, what if he did?"

"No, I don't need to think about what I would do if Harry liked Severus because he doesn't and never will!"

Remus held Sirius' eyes, leaning closer to him. "Sirius, what if Harry did? Dumbledore trusts Severus with Harry and he doesn't have a problem with the age difference between them -"

Sirius made a sound of deep disgust. "Remus, be realistic, what could Harry possibly be attracted to an ugly and grouchy old slime ball like Snape?"

"Sirius! How could you say that?" spat Remus standing up, "Lily loved Severus. _She _could see the good in him, and so could Harry!"

Sirius stood, and gestured for Remus to sit again, holding his eyes sensitively. "How could he? He has never shown Harry an ounce of kindness in his whole time at Hogwarts. _James_ doesn't trust him and nor do I," said Sirius stubbornly, but calmly.

"So you discount what Dumbledore said? About Severus _loving _Harry? About him discovering that James wasn't his true love - that it was Harry?"

Sirius gagged. "_True love!_" Sirius spat disbelievingly.

Remus frowned angrily, but he smoothed his features to raise a brow questioningly at Sirius. Sirius shook himself at the realization. "So I -?" begun Remus, standing up slowly.

Sirius stood up, shaking, "No - no – Remus! Of course, I love you truly," said Sirius, vaulting over the table to hold Remus' hand and softly caressing it.

"I-" said Sirius, not sure how to begin, "I know from the way I feel about you that I believe in true love."

Sirius drew Remus to his chest, angling his face for a kiss but Remus disconnected himself from Sirius. "And what if Severus feels that way about Harry, Sirius," said Remus quietly, holding Sirius' eyes, "Sirius, you're blinded by your hatred. He's a human being and he is loves like you do."

Sirius gripped Remus' arms tightly, fearing Remus trying to leave after he said this, "No, He can't. He's never liked Harry. He's been cruel to him -"

Remus jerked his arms, trying to pry himself from Sirius's grip, but failing, "Have you- Did you not hear Severus when he said that he was cruel to Harry to keep him safe? Have you not been listening?" cried Remus, shuddering in frustration.

"So – So you think he's acting do you?"

"Yes"

Remus was about to move from this stand-off he was having with Sirius, when there was a tapping at the window. Sirius eyed him; he knew Sirius didn't want him to leave.

"Relax, Sirius. I'll get it," said Remus, reassuringly as he crossed to the window. "Hedwig?" cried Remus, jumping back a little to see the owl fluttering and pecking the window of Grimmauld place. He opened the window and she flew onto the lounge by the fire, ruffling her feathers and holding her leg out, indicating the letter she clutched in her talon. Sirius moved, automatically his shoulders were tense, knowing that this letter was from Harry.

"Remus -"

"No! It's between me and Harry."

"No -!"

They both ran to the bird, who immediately dropped it and flew on top of the cupboard. Sirius snatched the letter up first, eyeing it desperately, but Remus grabbed hold of both Sirius' arms and demanded he drop the letter.

* * *

Harry collapsed on his four-poster bed, his head a tangled mess of Snape and Lupin and Lucius. What was he going to do to keep Lucius away from Snape? Would Snape ever explain himself?

Harry was running through the corridors, his head spinning as if he was descending into a pensieve memory, an odd pulsing heat throbbing in his stomach, he burst through the door of the library. Madame Pince gasped from behind her usual desk, fleeing from the room. He ran into the library, weaving in and out the shelves and finally collapsing against the gate to the restricted section. He caught his breath slightly, before turning to face the iron gate of the restricted section. He peered into it, the books on the shelves swam, he had to see what was behind the gate. He opened the gate, it creaking mercilessly loud, silently praying no one would see him, like Sirius or Remus or Dumbledore, who'd probably know what he was doing already. Once he was through the gate he rushed to the shelve picking up the first book he saw, he intended to read every book. Harry opened the book, reading eagerly. Harry started, dropping the book, realizing what the words read. He stared where the book once was, at his trembling hands, in disbelief. Had he really just saw what he thought he saw? How could it be?

Harry picked the book up, opening it, with dread, yet excitement.

**_The Boy and the Potions Master_**

_There was once a boy called Harry,_

_who denied that he loved his Potions Master, _

_a noble man who sacrificed everything for him,_

_by the name of Severus Snape._

_Harry never told him that he loved him,_

_and the dark Potions Master wept for he thought Harry would never love him._

_He suffered in silence, pretending he did not._

_But one day, a cruel man passing by saw the Potions Master and sought to have him for himself._

_Harry saw this and was enraged. He could not accept that the beautiful Potions Master would have anyone else._

_He got so angry he killed the cruel man on sight._

_It was then that the Potions Master realized how the boy felt about him and he was overjoyed._

_The Potions Master took the boy by the hand and led him into eternity, happily ever after._

"The Potions Master doesn't feel that way," said a silky voice, from behind him.

Harry jolted awake. The voice had sounded so real he had actually shaken himself awake. Harry squinted uncomfortably, looking around. It was cold, and light already. No one else was awake.

It was 6am, on a Sunday, and he was awake!

He pushed his head back into his pillows, trying to forget his disturbing dream, but it would not go away. He got dressed, knowing he couldn't go back to sleep.

_What if this is some sort of sign? No, that's crazy, _Thought Harry, _but_ _if I go down to the library will I meet Snape there?_

_I wonder whether the fairytale will come true, if I don't do something about Lucius will Snape never know that I love him?_

Harry decided, he couldn't sit there and do nothing while Lucius was probably ordering his house elf to pack for his arrival at Hogwarts right now. He had to figure out what he was going to do about Lucius. Surely the library had something. It probably wouldn't give him the answer in a stupid fairy tale, but it would be better than sitting there and trying to go back to sleep and ignore his problems.

"Harry?"

Harry jumped, bumping into a portrait of a bearded man who was measuring out mandrake extract into a flask. "Hermione!" he exclaimed in shock.

"What are you doing up this early?" asked Hermione suspiciously, her hands moving to her hips as she blocked the staircase leading down to the common room.

"I- I couldn't sleep. I thought I might go down to the library," squeaked Harry, hoping Hermione wouldn't think anything unusual.

"This early?" said Hermione disbelievingly, "why would you go down to the library this early? What are you up to?"

"I – Can I not just want to study?"

Hermione raised a brow that said, '_Really Harry? You and I both know that's bullshit._

"Ok – I'm going down to the library... to see whether there's anything on … relationships"

Hermione smirked.

"I – I just thought there's no reason staying up here – I may as well go down to the library, I've got more chance of seeing him there and I could look for advice while I'm there..."

Hermione laughed slightly but agreed to come down to the library.

"I don't think he's the type that's wooed by flowers – so I doubt that the library will have anything useful. It's all advice for teenagers trying to get the girl next-door, not the teacher that they fancy"

Harry's head swooped round checking every corner as they walked through the deserted corridors to the library, Hermione was talking awfully loud and he didn't want anybody to overhear.

Harry frowned thoughtfully, convinced no one was stalking them.

"You don't think there'll be anything on _complex _relationships?" Hermione raised a brow, as if to say the school library was ridiculously small, "... well, maybe there's some sort of potion I can give him which will force him to spill the beans?"

Hermione snorted, "Veritaserum, but that's brutally hard to make, and how would you suppose that you'd get him to drink it?"

"Hmm, good point," admitted Harry, opening the door to the library, "maybe we won't have to make it. I'll get it from his private store during occlumency or something, slip it in his coffee, which will be _right there _on the desk and when he comes back and has a sip of his coffee he'll have to tell the truth!"

Hermione laughed, "Come on Harry! What are the chances that Snape will leave you alone again in Occlumency? And that's once you convince him to start teaching you occlumency again!"

Harry sighed, "You're right. I have to do something before that... I know!" said Harry rushing to the charms section; "I'll need some help diverting Malfoy away from him..." said Harry choosing an extremely old volume as thick as Harry himself.

Harry and Hermione spent the morning nose deep in books looking for spells or charms that will distract Malfoy. They found a large list of possible spells, but none that fit quite well. Harry thought of simply confunding Malfoy, but the look on Hermione's face when he told her was extremely disapproving. They collapsed.

"This is hopeless Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, "Even if we do find a spell that'll stop Malfoy, you'd be expelled if he found out you'd bewitched him! You couldn't even hit him in the back with a spell because I'm sure he has loads of protective charms on him!"

Harry sighed, cheek flat against the old moth-bitten pages of a book, "What're we going to do then? We can't hex him, we can't slip him a potion, we can't stop him from coming!"

"... We're just going to have to let him come. And you have to be very _careful_ using those extendible ears."

"There you two are!" shouted Ron, bursting through the door. Madame Pince stood up in horror.

"Sorry -!" Ron shouted at her, before coming over to Harry and Hermione.

"Where have you guys been? All morning? What have you been doing all this time? Never mind. Harry, I heard Malfoy boasting at Lunch – his father's arriving now!"

Harry stood. "What can we do? Hermione and I have spent all morning researching to realize that it's pointless – I'd get expelled if I tried to hex Malfoy!"

* * *

Lucius had just rounded the corner when Harry tripped up and over the leg of an on oddly-placed suit of armor. Harry stopped the cuss that was rupturing forth, pulling the invisibility cloak tight around him and making sure that the extendible ears lay firmly in his pocket. Lucius froze for the slightest of seconds but his wand tip was up and pointing directly at Harry's throat within a matter of seconds. He scowled, glaring around the empty hall way. The aristocratic man frowned; almost disappointed that no one was there. He turned and cast a protective charm over himself before walking onwards with nonchalance. Harry had to do something; he knew exactly where Malfoy was headed. He had to stop him before he got to Severus.

* * *

Harry dug his fingernails into his palm as Lucius stood there in front of his potion masters door. Lucius waved his silken blond hair over his shoulder, straightened his ice-blue vest and gathered his black robes about him before knocking in Severus' door.

Harry tensed, praying that Severus wasn't in his office... Of course he was. Harry was surprised to see Severus open the door wide for this cruel and vile man, with surprise hidden behind his controlled mask.

"Care to invite an old friend in?" asked Lucius, Harry bit his lip as Lucius' attempted to be alluring, standing proudly in his ice-blue velvet, batting his eyelids slightly. Harry almost lurched forward, how dare he call himself a friend!

Severus black eyes flitted from Lucius, to the bottle of matured wine, to the hallway. He paused for a moment, then with the slightest almost inconceivable jerk of his head allowed Lucius to follow Severus inside.

As soon as the door closed Harry stuffed the extendible ears under the heavy door.

"Did you notice anything unusual on your way down?" asked Severus, his voice hard.

"No, should there be?" whispered Lucius, sugar on his tongue, teasing.

"I appear to have an - _admirer_" Severus said, "We need to be careful."

"We should be. Do you still remember in the time in our sixth year at Hogwarts before our NEWTS? We were awfully loud."

Severus appeared to have no reaction to this, he continued as if - and Harry hoped he was - ignoring what Lucius had just said.

Lucius obviously caught on that Severus was ignoring that comment, so he continued blatantly. "I realize that my reasons for being here might not have been made clear... I wish to have a privilege I have not had behind Narcissa's back in a long time. I would wish of you your company, Severus."

"Wait," said Severus slowly. Harry frowned. What was going on?

Suddenly the door opened and slammed into the side of Harry's face, throwing him backwards. Harry went sliding over the stone floor. Harry lost control of what was going on, for just a moment, but in that moment he had already sat up and caught sight of his Potion Master in the doorway.

The room froze and the air was stagnant with tension. Severus's black eyes glared out at him, stark against his pale face. His eyes captured Harry, who was immediately lost, he had to know what lay beneath. Snape's black eyes were wide, tense and ablaze with anger, but there was something else... His eyes were too wide, his face too pale, his eyes too wild. If Harry wasn't mistaken, it was fear. More than that, Snape looked mortified.

Harry stood slowly, ignoring the aches in his body from his collision with the hard stone floor, as Snape closed the door behind him and stepped out into the hallway.

Snape turned back to him, his face marred by terrible lines of anger as he advanced on Harry. He stood right up close, a foot between the two of their chests, his face up close to Harry's.

"How _dare _you," whispered Snape, deathly quiet.

Harry shook himself, he tried to open his mouth, to say something, but only a measly syllable escaped into the thick air around them.

Snape's eyes flashed and his hands were claws ripping into his shoulders, shaking him, within moments. "How dare you!" shouted Snape.

"I – don't – I only – Sev-"

At that Snape threw Harry from him. Harry slammed into the stone wall behind him, sliding down to a heap on the floor.

Harry glared up furiously at Snape. "Don't – let – him," was all Harry could grind out, the air searing the lungs in his heavy chest.

Snape's expression faltered momentarily, he betrayed himself and all anger disappeared to leave fear in its place. Then his eyes regained their hardness and took a step towards Harry.

"Don't you _ever _spy on me again_," _Snape whispered quietly, placing careful emphasis, "– even if it is because of some silly notion that you're protecting me."

Harry grimaced; he _hated _being talked to like he was a silly little boy.

"No!" he yelled before he knew what he was doing, "I'll do what I want, when I want! I don't care what anyone else thinks! You might think that it was silly but I lo-"

"_What?"_ he asked, looking ferocious, daring Harry to answer.

Harry said nothing – was he actually going to say what he was thinking.

Snape watched Harry carefully, watching as Harry resolved not to finish his previous sentence. He could not believe the depth of the child's stupidity! Yet, he was scared – did Harry really mean what he was going to say?

Snape's hand moved so fast Harry flinched. He pointed down the hallway, "Get out of my sight before I hex you into oblivion," he ground out through bared teeth, his eyes wild with fear and panic.

Harry didn't know what had come over himself; he was off – streaking down the hall without a thought of his own. Harry stopped at the end of the hallway, _why _had he just run? He was supposed to be diverting Snape's attention! He still needed a diversion. But what?

Harry stuck the stone wall in utter frustration. He was a complete and utter knob! Why had he fucked up – he had been worrying about this for two days – he had spent two days worrying about this – and now his plans were ruined just because he hadn't the balls to stand up to Severus and tell him that he lo... Harry tried to stop the thought, but he couldn't any longer. Ron _was _right. He did love Severus Snape. He loved him.

Suddenly Harry heard a loud thud. Harry's stomach dropped, like a dead icy weight in his belly. His fist clenching tightly. What if that was the thud of Snape and Malfoy crashing into walls in a lusty frenzy? Harry felt a terrible weight settle on his chest – no – on his heart - and he knew something else had to be done.

He pounded the wall again. What could he do?

Harry stopped; he had just noticed something – a green tapestry on the wall next to him, sporting a rather detailed picture of a sleeping man in velvet robes. It was _crazy _but it was certainly a diversion. It was what he needed. He needed to show he was serious. That he didn't care what anybody else thought. But most of all he needed a diversion. What if he – set the tapestry alight?

Another thud. Harry's stomach jolted. He saw in his head the heart-wrenching image of a sweaty Severus calling out Lucius' name through a haze of passion and his blood began to run cold. He felt angrier than he ever had before. If he _failed _he would _kill_ someone. He _could not _stand it if he failed. He _could not _let Lucius do this.

His wand seemed to move of his own accord, like lightning, and his mouth seemed to have spoken the word "_Incendio!_"

That force from Harry's wand drove him a little backwards and the tapestry lit instantly. Before long the flames had engulfed the entire tapestry and the heat of it was driving Harry even further backwards. He was staring at the flames, not realizing what he was watching; he seemed to be shocked out of his body. It was as if he was watching from outside his body.

The fire roared up, finally shocking Harry to his senses. Harry freaked. He couldn't believe he just did this. He had to do this – but what should he do? Should he run? Should he stand by and make sure the flames don't hurt any passers-by and only diverts the attention of Snape? Should he run and tell McGonagall? Should he run and tell another student, who would surely tell Snape?

He faltered in the hallway, between running and staying to fret some more.

Harry sighed. What was he doing? If he did any of those things – he could be blamed for burning some unimportant tapestry. If he kept quiet only he and Snape would know it was him. He should just go up to the Great Hall and wait for Snape, he'd have to come and tell Dumbledore there was a fire. He was so stupid! He took a deep breath. The tapestry was in a secluded area, wouldn't hurt anyone and would distract Snape. No one but he, Snape and Dumbledore would know about the fire – so he should just calm down and go to the Great Hall.

* * *

He took another deep breath and walked up to the Great Hall.

He took his seat beside Ron and Hermione.

"How'd it go?" asked Hermione, instantly.

Harry jumped slightly, but of course they would ask! "He told me to go away -"

"And you're leaving it there -?" Ron asked disbelievingly.

Harry tried to his facial expressions – should he tell Ron and Hermione? He usually did and it was hard to lie to them.

"I have a plan – I'm not going to tell you it yet but trust me," he said, a little shakily, trying to assume confidence.

But at that moment the doors to the Great Hall burst open and Millicent Bullstrode burst through the door yelling, "The Slytherin common room is on fire!"

Shit! The tapestry Harry had set alight was the entrance to the Slytherin Common room!

It took all of Harry's strength not to stand up at that very moment. But he managed to slip away unnoticed, despite the yells of uproar and chaos that broke through the Great Hall.

* * *

The heat overwhelmed him as soon as he reached the hallway. The hallway was a sight! Students were frothing to boiling point in the mouth of the Slytherin common room, waiting for the fire in the doorway to calm. Students screamed as they run, eyes shut, through the entrance to the Slytherin common room.

He turned; he knew the screams would attract the attention of -

Snape burst through his office door, paler than anything.

His eyes immediately caught Harry's. They held. He looked from Harry to the fire and tumult behind him, eyes wild, and nostrils flaring. He suddenly looked quite deranged. Hair flying, eyes wide and mad he flew down the hallway. He grabbed Harry's ear with painfully hard grip. Harry whimpered, looking up to Snape slowly. His eyes were wild and scared. He thought he would slap him, shake him and it looked as though he might – but he released Harry's ear sneering, "_Stay HERE, Potter!" _

He sneered with such ferocity, his voice was so rough and tortured that Harry was taken aback. He was so taken aback that he actually stayed – frozen to the stone corridor as Snape stepped through the burning entrance, ordering students to remain calm.

Harry watched as students ran to and fro, some screaming, some acting as though they were on fire. Snape definitely didn't have control of the situation. It was odd – not the Snape he knew – Snape really must have been shaken by what he'd done.

After several minutes Snape reappeared with a line of wary-eyed students. They were all shaking as Snape took the roll. Harry checked the line. Malfoy!

It shocked Harry out of his dream-like state. He ran into the burning common room. He could hear Snape shouting after him – he was following him into a burning building!

"I thought I told you to stay outside, Potter!" he was screaming, "You'll be in the headmaster's office soon if you _don't _return _this second!_"

Snape reached Harry by the time he was inside the boys dormitories, Malfoy was stuck underneath a fallen rafter, but Snape had grabbed Harry around the middle and lifter him.

"PUT ME DOWN! MALFOY'S STUCK!" Harry yelled, kicking and thrashing.

Harry burst from Snape's arms, grabbing the singed rafter and using all his might, lifted it from Malfoy. A deep rumbling stopped Harry mid-lift, his eyes went wide. He dropped the rafter and turned to see the roof collapsing around them. No! Severus!

He spear tackled Severus to the ground, landing on top of him as the roof collapsed with a deafening roar.

* * *

"Do you think he really meant do it? Do you think he knew?"

"Of course not!"

Harry heard Ron and Hermione say. He didn't know where he was. All he knew was that his back was wrapped in tight cloth and his body felt as if it had been through a blender. The pain was almost unbearable. But - how did he get here? Suddenly he remembered: Snape! Did Malfoy get to Snape? Then it all came flooding back to him. The last thing he remembered was rescuing Draco out from under a fallen rafter in the seething hot Slytherin dorms.

He opened his eyes. He was in the Hospital wing, with Ron and Hermione standing over him.

"What happened? Is Snape alright? And Draco, did he escape? Lucius, is he gone?"

"Lucius!" cried Hermione, outraged.

"Snape's fine," said Ron shiftily, "It's you we have to worry about."

"No, I'm fine -"

"Never mind whether he's fine! They could expel you for this, Harry!" Hermione shrieked at Ron before turning to Harry, "What were you thinking? Setting something on fire! And now all you're worried about is whether Lucius got to Snape!"

"Expelled?" Harry repeated, dread settling deep in his chest, the aching pains in his body dimmed in comparison to going back to Privet drive.

"Yes -"

"Well," Ron cut in, "we don't know for sure, but Lupin, Snape and Dumbledore have been talking" Ron then looked seriously remorseful, his face crumpling, "... He _knows_, Harry," he said miserably. "Somebody must have told him – and he _made _us tell him -"

Harry glared. Ron had told Remus how he had felt about Snape. In fact, Remus had already known. What would Remus do? More importantly, what would Dumbledore do? Would he expel him? He was beginning to feel slightly sick at the thought of being in the same room as Lupin, Dumbledore and Snape explaining himself even though he was going to be expelled.

"I didn't mean to – he -"

"He was contacted straight after they brought you in. He, Dumbledore and Snape have been in and out of here and his office. I don't know whether they'll expel you or not, Lupin didn't tell us anything," said Hermione miserably.

The door opened.

Ron and Hermione froze. Lupin came in through the hospital door. He kept silent, walking over to Harry and watching him intently. He motioned for Hermione and Ron to excuse them. Ron and Hermione got up quickly, but turned at the door, glancing backwards briefly and wishing him luck. They closed the door a little reluctantly.

"I'm not going to be expelled am I?"

"I don't want to hear about school," said Lupin shortly. "I want to hear your story of _why _you did it. I want to know why you went to the library, in the morning, and proceeded to _study_ diversion spells. I want to know the _full _story behind your letter to me..." He listed off, but he then he looked as though he remembered something and his face grew tender, "Is – Is it true? Do you have feelings for Snape?"

Harry stared at the floor. How could he admit that he liked his teacher? Even if he wasn't his teacher and _many _years older they still wouldn't trust or like Snape.

Harry decided to ignore that questions and start with the basics that were more important to him, in the face of expulsion.

"I didn't know it was the entrance to Slytherin dorm rooms - I wasn't planning set fire to anything!"

Remus didn't seem surprised. He continued on, as if Harry hadn't said anything.

"Is it true? Severus – raped?" Remus said, very softly.

Harry fell silent and stared at the floor once more.

Harry's silence had seemed to confirm the truth to Remus, but he couldn't be sure. Dumbledore was right, asking this question would provoke a more detectable response.

Harry was still looking at the ground; he couldn't look Lupin in the eyes. He was afraid if he did, Lupin would see everything: that he had feelings for Severus and that he was jealous of Lucius - it was more than that – that he loved his professor and he couldn't help it – he just did.

Harry nodded. "I didn't want that to happen again," Harry whispered, his voice was choked and barely audible.

Harry couldn't help but look up. Lupin's eyes were soft, sensitive and bright as they took in his every movement.

"I knew – I hoped that Severus wouldn't allow him to do that to him," Harry admitted miserably.

Lupin looked at him, frowning.

"So you set fire to something?" he guessed, a little incredulously.

"No! I was planning to keep him away some other way. That's why I went to the library – I was looking for spells. I spent all day looking but then I realized that if I tried to put a spell on Malfoy it wouldn't work because he probably wears protective charms - and even if I did manage to hex him - I'd be in deep trouble. I realized both of those plans would fail and I had no choice but to follow him. I followed Lucius and eavesdropped on the two in Snape's office. I was going to burst in if something happened between the two but Snape caught me before I could..." Harry broke off in dismay, remembering the intensity he had felt. Remus watched him closely, but Harry couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"But I still couldn't lose! I had to do something. That's when I saw the tapestry – sitting there alone and so far away from everyone else. I decided if I torched it, no one would get hurt and it would still distract Snape," he finished his story, closing his eyes and hoping that Lupin's quiet demeanor wouldn't suddenly turn into a shouting rage.

When he opened his eyes from his confession and looked up it wasn't Lupin he saw - but Dumbledore. He was smiling behind his half-moon glasses as if he had heard the tales of Beedle the Bard rather than his confession to arson.

"I think it was wise that you chose to distract him rather than confrontation, however -"

"You think I should have challenged him?" asked Harry frowning thoughtfully, he hadn't thought of challenging Lucius.

Lupin frowned at him. He laughed lightly; trying to pretend like that had been a joke.

Dumbledore, looked at Lupin, smiling almost smugly, as Lupin scowled at Harry.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, "however, I do not think you should have set fire to something – there are other ways of expression your... affection..."

Harry froze.

* * *

"Remus?" Harry asked tentatively.

Remus looked up at from the window he was gazing out of in the seat of the Knight Bus.

"How did they know _I_ did it?"

Remus looked at him, as if the answer was obvious, "_Priori Incantatem_ - Dumbledore did it."

And then Remus looked back out of the window, still rather moody.

"Are you still angry at me?" asked Harry, remembering his very short-tempered behavior as he had directed his packing to leave Hogwarts.

Remus sighed exhaustedly. "Of course – You set fire to -"

"I didn't mean to -!"

"You didn't tell me how you felt about Snape," snapped Remus, his eyes flashing.

Harry fell silent, taken aback.

"I -"

"I don't want to hear," said Remus shortly, "You'll have to tell Sirius when we get back."

Harry fell silent yet again.

Shit. To think – he hadn't even thought about Sirius yet!

"I think it was Snape's plan," said Remus suddenly, "He was the one that said you shouldn't go back to Privet Drive. I think it was _because _of Sirius that he wants you to stay with us."

Harry thought about it for a moment. "So Sirius will tell me all the bad things about him?"

"Yes. I think that he's hoping after 3 weeks of Sirius telling you that he's an ugly git will – dissuade you."

" What – What was he like – afterwards?" asked Harry hesitantly.

"You saved his life Harry! How do you think he was going to react?" asked Remus incredulously. Harry looked at him blankly. "He – it was rather scary. I hadn't seen him like that since my time in Hogwarts myself. He was – he – well, to be honest, he looked _mortified_. He paced up and down the hospital stretch -"

"Snape stayed with me -?"

"Yes," said Remus, taking in his surprise. "What's he been like in his lessons with you?"

"Normal really," said Harry automatically – but it wasn't at all convincing. Remus raised his brows. "Well – no. He used to stare at me as if he was surprised I hadn't skipped his class or ran out of the room. I – he and I used to catch eyes – and then we would both look away quickly. And I realized I _was _looking at him – and Hermione would tell me that he was looking at me. Then you came, and he asked me all sorts of questions -"

Remus face went blank. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before – and dismissed it. It was obvious!

* * *

Number 12 Grimmauld place inflated into place between numbers 11 and 13 and Harry felt dread settle deep into the pit of his stomach. Lupin looked at him and attempted a comforting look. Harry smiled weakly and hauled his trunk up to the door. Lupin pulled out his wand, tapping the door, and they walked over the thresh hold. Harry was weary, tired, in pain and – to be honest – quite frightened of having to tell Sirius why he had been suspended from Hogwarts.

He looked around slightly scared that something would come zooming out at him. But no sooner had Harry accepted that anything would – something did. Sirius came bustling around the corner and towards them at a frightening speed. "You're here!" and he embraced Harry. Harry flinched, he was taken aback – wasn't he angry at all?

But once Sirius had let go of him, an awkward silence stretched between them. "Come in," he ushered him into a fire lit room. Harry stopped dead, Remus bumped into him, "what's wrong?" he muttered, but then he looked up and saw what Harry saw.

Snape sat in a chair by the fire and Dumbledore sat with him, smiling quite peacefully despite the situation. Remus looked from Snape to Dumbledore, surprised.

Sirius looked at Harry pointedly, "It appears your suspension is a great deal more serious than I anticipated," he smiled then, "come on, spit it out. James and I once stole Filches underwear and put them on Mrs. Norris with a permanent-sticking charm – so whatever you've done can't be that bad!"

Harry would have laughed if it hadn't been so serious.

"I -" he couldn't help but look at Snape, who was staring into the fire, "What is he doing here?"

Dumbledore smirked. Lupin nudged him, "is that any way to repay him for siding with you? You're not back at Privet Drive because of him," he whispered.

Sirius looked at him sharply. "What has he done? What did you do to him?"

Harry looked away, annoyed - of course Sirius would blame Snape for everything!

"I -!" he was about to rebuke Sirius but he lost all conviction in the shadow of this enormous confession, "I – I set fire to the Slytherin common room – I didn't mean to -"

"_Didn't meant to?" _Snape spat, he had stood up suddenly, "You meant to. You knew what you were doing. You planned it! I didn't think a Gryffindor would be capable of such -"

"Severus -"

"There's proof!" Snape hissed, "You've seen the notes he left in the library. He was planning it. He knew. He set the fire – and then acted the hero in the end!"

Sirius was looking between Snape and Harry, aghast.

"It wasn't like that -! You forced me -!"

"_I beg your pardon?_" Snape hissed his voice a deadly whisper. "Do not ever blame me for your evil deeds, Potter!"

"Evil!" Harry repeated, incensed, "It wasn't so evil when you step in between me and Lupin but when I step in between you and Malfoy it's -"

Harry realized just what he was saying as Snape recoiled as if he'd slapped him, his mouth dropping in utter horror.

His sentence was punctuated by a loud gasp, a terrible weight settled in his stomach.

"_What the hell is going on?" _shouted Sirius.

Snape looked up over to Harry through his hair, his eyes burning. Harry almost recoiled as well – Severus was so... _frightened. _What he had just said hung thick in the air.

What had he done?

* * *

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	13. An Awkward Suspension

Author's Note: So sorry it's been such a long time since I updated. I also sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes as I have lost my beta. Any one up for the job?

* * *

Harry slammed the door behind him. He winced as he heard Sirius and Remus shouting behind the closed door. How the hell was he meant to explain himself? Did he have to? He had just spat everything out without meaning to. He could hear Sirius shouting now, "HIM! HIM AND SNAPE! - OH – MERLIN!"

"Yes!" Remus shouted, defiantly. It was silent for a moment. "Lower your voice, Sirius," Remus whispered, suddenly remembering that Harry could hear them.

"HOW? HOW AM I MEANT TO ACCEPT THAT -"

"SIRIUS! SHUT UP! Yes, Harry has feelings for Severus – but that is no reason for you to shout and carry on the way you are," Remus shouted back at Sirius, with little regard for his previous call for silence.

Harry paced back and forth, his head whirling with words and fear and shouting. Was it _that_ hard for Sirius to accept that he liked Severus? He had half a mind to burst out there, right now, and give Sirius a piece of his mind but he was too angry. He was so angry that he was beyond words. If he had, he would burst forth with a loud bang that would split the room into silence but he would be unable to say anything. He would stand there, furious, and stupid looking.

"Oh! Sorry, Remus! It's just that you know how I've always loved _Snivellus!_" said Sirius, voice heavy with sarcasm.

"You cannot seriously be – You would deny Harry happiness just because of a school boy grudge -!"

"EXACTLY! We went to school together! We're the _same _age!"

"_Sirius! _Harry set something on _fire_ for him -!" shouted Remus, placing careful emphasis on fire, as if it showed how passionate and serious an act it was.

"So? What? You think Harry is in love with him?" Sirius said scathingly.

"Yes!" Remus barked.

There was a long pause.

"What?" whispered Sirius, taken aback, "love? How -?"

Then Harry didn't hear anything. Perhaps Remus was giving him a pointed stare.

Harry listened, pacing back and forth still. He only heard indistinct murmurs. He felt slightly dizzy.

What was he meant to say to them? He was going to have to speak to them at some point. Harry groaned, thinking that perhaps Privet drive might have been only been a little worse. He huffed, and sat down on the nearest bed, running his fingers through his hair. The murmuring went on, louder in parts and then quiet again. The voices fell and rose with the tension build and disperse, fluctuating like edgy waves.

Harry just sat and listened, struck hollow with the days events.

What would he do for 3 weeks without Hogwarts? How could he live in Grimmauld place with Sirius like he was? It would unbearable... like Privet drive.

There was a quiet knock at the door. The knock had been quiet but it had made Harry jump, shaking him out of the swirling mess inside his head and bringing him to clarity. "Harry?" whispered Dumbledore.

He came in quietly and sat beside Harry.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, looking tired. "I'm afraid that suspension is not all of the punishment you'll receive, Harry. You must write letters of apology to Mr Malfoy and Professor Snape, along with that, all of your school work must be completed and a roll of parchment on the importance of self discipline in the Wizarding world."

Harry blinked in astonishment, "A _roll of parchment_?"

"Yes," said Dumbledore, "I'll give you a hint though," he said too cheerfully, "The balance of our magical world relies on the self control of all, vampires, magical creatures, ministry officials, witches and wizards alike. Imagine if Wendelin the Weird had not controlled her liking for the burnings?" he said thoughtfully, his eyes twinkling brightly.

Harry sighed heavy, the days events a heavy weight on him, before all the questions which stunned him came gushing forth.

"How am I meant to write to Snape? What should I say to him? I don't think he'd want me to write to him anyway, but how I meant to apologise for something I'm not all that sorry for? And what am I meant to do here? How am I meant to live here with Sirius and Remus arguing all the time?"

Dumbledore blinked, looking slightly surprised, "it's better than Privet Drive, isn't it - ?"

"But – Why did Snape fight for me to stay here? Why not just leave me to the Dursleys?"

"Ahh," said Dumbledore, "I believe it is exactly _because _of Sirius and Remus arguing that he wanted you to stay here." Harry frowned. Dumbledore continued, "Snape believes that if he leaves you here with Sirius, who will undoubtedly tell you of his faults, that you will finally _listen _and that you'll finally hate him as much as Sirius."

Harry was slightly taken aback, surprised, but in truth, he should have known.

"He can't truly expect me to listen -?"

Dumbledore smiled, "I think he wants to hope against hope."

Harry hoped right now that Dumbledore wasn't just going to leave him to contemplate the immensity of his tasks and not go to sleep.

"You look very tired," said Dumbledore fumbling in his robes. Dumbledore pulled out a rather large envelope out of a pocket too small to conceal it. "I'll leave this here," he said, putting the thick envelope on the dresser, "It's your homework." Harry gawked at it. It was massive.

Dumbledore smiled, "Don't worry about it, don't worry about, you've got three weeks to do it," said Dumbledore, trying to reassure him, but Harry didn't think he'd ever done that much homework in his life. He stared at it, hoping that he would die of some tragic accident _right now_, perhaps the roof would cave in or somebody would drive a truck into the front of number 12. Dumbledore smirked, "I thought this would happen," he fumbled in his robes yet again and pulling out a large blue potion bottle, "so I took the liberty in bringing you a sleeping draught."

Harry sighed in relief. Dumbledore smiled, and got up to leave, turning only at last to say, "only a spoonful of that stuff Harry, very strong."

Harry awoke, his head numb.

His memories came flooding back to him, all at once, overwhelming him. He laid back, the weight of his work load flooding back and crushing him.

He would love to forget about the work, but it was work or facing Sirius and Remus, so he decided that he would stay up in his room for as long as possible and work instead of having an awkward conversation with Sirius.

He got his quill and parchment and settled down to perhaps draft the unpleasant letters that he was meant to send. They were probably requirements of the ministry, rather than something Dumbledore wanted him to do.

He sighed. What in the world was he meant to write in such a letter?

Harry laughed to think what would happen if he wrote the truth in his letter.

_To Mr Malfoy,_

_I'm not sorry at all that I set the Slytherin common room on fire because you're a pure-blooded, self-righteous twat who whores behind his wife's back. I hope Draco grows some balls and learns how to use a fire exit._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Harry Potter_

Harry chuckled to himself. He obviously wasn't meant to write the truth in the letter. But then, and more importantly, what would he write in his letter to Snape. Harry tried to ground out the hope that Severus would write back to such a letter, but it gnawed at him. What would he write? What could he possibly say to apologise for such a thing? He had set something on fire, saved his life and then pretty much publicly admitted to loving him, all in the one day, how was he meant to write an apology for that?

He couldn't forget Snape's look of utter horror. His face had been overwhelmed with utter horror as he had admitted that he was jealous of Lucius.

He figured, he may as well draft something out. He crossed out and used many pieces of paper to finally come to a letter.

_Dear Professor Snape, _

_I've been told to write to you and tell you how sorry I am for setting the Slytherin dorms on fire, but honestly, I'm not all that sorry. I admit it. You said that I had meant to,that I had planned it, and I did. I admit it, I knew what I was doing, but I was driven to do it. Driven by jealousy. _

_You came between me and Lupin, because he'd have hurt me, and that's what I did. I couldn't stand to think of Lucius alone with you. _

_Not because I wanted to save people. Not because I love to be the talk of the halls, or something like that. _

_I am sorry I made my feelings really obvious to Sirius and Remus. I didn't mean to. I'm paying for it now, trust me._

_I _am _sorry if anyone was hurt or injured, but I'm not sorry for what I did._

_Harry_

Truthfully, it was a short letter, not nearly enough to apologise for his actions, but he couldn't apologise for what he actually wanted to. He was sorry that he had frightened Snape, most of all. He, after all, would be the most shocked, and the most affected by his actions. Harry couldn't help but picture the horrified expression that had marred Snapes features as he admitted to loving him. He looked so _horrified _that Harry had almost regretted what he had said.

Harry huffed as he was startled by the sound of his stomach gurgling. He would have to go downstairs soon and eat, but then he would have to face Sirius and Remus. What should he say?

Harry came down the dusty black stairs slowly, hands scraping the thread-bare tapestries as he continued down, listening for any sounds coming from the rooms below. He heard muffled clangs and thuds. Someone was down there. Probably in the kitchen. Maybe he should go back upstairs. Surely it would be better to face them later than sooner? The longer he could put it off, the better. He turned around and rushed back into his room, deciding to get a head start on that enormous work load that Dumbledore had left him.

_To Mr. Malfoy, _wrote Harry, who couldn't bring himself to write "_Dear_ Lucius Malfoy."

_As you know I have been suspended for 3 weeks for setting fire to the Slytherin dorms and have also been required to submit letter to both you and Professor Snape to apologise for my actions. I apologise for setting the Slytherin dorms on fire, for damaging school property and for hurting other students, including your son Draco. I wish Draco a speedy recovery and a fast return to school. _Harry cringed, this was half true but it killed him to write it with such an unbearably sweet tone to it. He _did_ want Draco to recover and be back at school, but that was because he knew Draco hated every class beside potions.

_Harry Potter_

He sighed, finishing the letter. He certainly could not wait any longer. He had to eat.

He made the descent down the stairs evenly, equally as frightened and reluctant as he was eager and hungry. He would have to face them anyway, there was no point putting it off... well there was but he was too hungry.

He stopped in the hall, should he go straight to them in the dining room, row and get it over with? Or fix himself breakfast, try slip back upstairs with it, and talk to them later?

He couldn't bring himself to take the cowardly way out, especially after Snape's comment about his actions being very un-Gryffindore. He burst through the door and into the dimly lit dining room, not to make a scene, but because he actually had to force himself into the room. Sirius and Remus jumped, looking up startled as he burst into the room. They looked slightly stunned and slightly miserable. Both seemed aware of the impending argument, they waited, seeming they thought _he_ would start the arguement. He wasn't. Instead, he walked in quietly and sat down, keeping his eyes to the floor and fixing himself breakfast quickly.

Remus looked from Harry to Sirius. Both Sirius and Remus both seemed to agree that Harry's behaviour was odd, but they brushed it off. Sirius looked down, his face strained, he knew it was his job as Godfather to start this conversation.

Sirius glared at Harry, who was stuffing his face with bacon and staring wide-eyed at the silver plate in front of him.

"Snape?" he snapped, his jaw shaking with anger.

Harry looked up, trying to hide a shudder of fear for the conversation to come. Sirius face was taught and dark, holding all his enmity for Snape. "Yes," he said quietly, looking back a his plate and waiting.

"Why?" said Sirius sharply, "He's a bit ugly, isn't he? You could domuch better. What about Ron or Fred or George or - _anybody but him?"_

Harry looked up, startled, "Ron?" he said incredulously.

"Or what about that Dean Thomas?" suggested Sirius, Harry knew he was a man at the end of his ropes when he started suggesting people for his godson.

"He fancies Ginny – and anyways, it's not -"

"What?" said Sirius, his voice raising, "It's not what? He's your teacher!"

"I didn't ask for this! I don't want to like him," shouted Harry, "It just happened. After I found out about the way he felt about me everything changed. He would stare at me in potions and I realised that his eyes were no longer full of hate – it was all a lie. He was pretending. I could see through him. He would act angry and hateful but really he wasn't. His eyes were soft and afraid. He loves me, Sirius."

Sirius and Remus just looked at him. Sirius looked at Remus, he could see that Remus was positively moved by what Harry had said, but Sirius wasn't.

Sirius sighed, how could he begin to retort the heart-felt speech of a teenager? He remembered doing the exact same thing to his parents about Remus. He would do his utmost to make sure Harry and Snape would stay apart. Harry was a good boy and he would eventually realise that Snape was just a phase. He would go through this phase and when it was over he would wonder why he ever fancied Snape in the first place.

Remus huffed,seeing the resolve in Sirius' face.

Sirius huffed also, "Harry," said Sirius, rubbing his temples, "You've put me in a very difficult position. Now, I was a boy once and I know what it feels like to think yourself in love - to _be _in love," he added as Remus had scowled at him, taking Remus hand to reassure him, "and I can't stop you from seeing him, he's teaching you Occlumency but I want to ask you to _please, for me, _refrain from anything... physical"

Harry frowned with extreme displeasure... this was certainly not how he pictured this conversation going. Harry sighed, he could feel a retort bubbling up, it was probably going to make this awkwardness worse but … "Why?" he burst out, "it's not like you and Remus did."

Both Sirius and Remus froze.

"Yes but," you could see the awkwardness on the cringe of his face, "Remus wasn't my teacher."

"Well Remus was my teacher and you let me kiss him!"

Sirius scowled, "that wasn't my plan. Remus didn't tell me about that. I wouldn't have let him if he had told me."

"So?" said Harry defiantly, "it doesn't matter. He still did and – and – it's – Dumbledore's fine with it." He could see Remus smirking at Harry's last retort, he must have knew it was one of Harry's last retorts. "Dumbldore's fine with it and it's my choice so I'll have sex with Snape if I want to!"

Harry couldn't help but notice he _did _sound like a spoilt child but he was right, they couldn't stop him having sex with Snape. Sirius cringed with the word 'sex' and he moaned low in his throat, the sound of someone in severe pain. He could see Remus chuckling under his breath.

Sirius looked up at him in total resentment, "_please _don't have – do – that with him. He's your teacher..."

Harry could tell the conversation was over as Sirius began eating again, his face full of resentment. Remus coughed, "If you do," Sirius glared at Remus, Remus smirked slightly, "please be – safe."

Sirius stood, enraged, "So what are you going to do Remus? Throw a box of condoms at him and say "go for your life!""

Remus stood also. "No, I was just saying that if he's going to be doing those things he's going to need to be responsible."

_There they go again, _Harry thought, and he slipped back up to his room.

But on the way up to his room, he felt the desire to see Sirius' room. He knew their had been muggle picture of girls all over the walls... but he was with Remus... a man. Maybe he had hidden pictures of men. Did he always like men? Or did he like both? Or maybe he liked girls until he fell in love with Remus? Harry had liked one or two girls before he fell in love with Severus.

He opened Sirius' bedroom door and walked over to his bed, propping himself up against the bed-head. He looked at the muggle pictures of bikini clad women, they stared unblinkingly at him and he stared back just as hard. Could he find these women attractive? Could he pretend? Did Sirius pretend to find these women attractive? Or did he once find them attractive until he found Remus?

If Sirius hadn't, would he keep the same pictures of men? Where would he keep those pictures?

Harry stared about the room. If he were a secret where would he be?

Harry got to his knees, beside the bed and looked underneath. Sirius pulled out an old trunk, scratched and marred, breaking open the age-old lock and opening the musty smelling trunk. He removed several moth-eaten garments, an old broom cleaning kit and old textbooks, falling apart. He scattered them all over the floor, picking up the trunk, something was not right... the trunk was still heavy. He looked carefully at the bottom of the suitcase, discovering a secret pocket. He pulled out and old and worn book bearing the words _Keep out _in an un-neat scrawl. Harry flicked through, it appeared to be a diary of some sort. Of Sirius'. Harry splayed out on the bed, laughing to himself about the possibility of finding out exactly how Remus and Sirius had started dating as he opened it and flicked through the pages.

He flicked through, their were many mentions of James and Peter and Remus, but by his skimming, he could not see any mentions of sex or love, besides a string of girls, sometimes nameless. So Sirius had fancied girls. Or at least fancied sex with them.

Harry was about to loose hope when the mentions of Remus became more and more frequent, the mentions of sexy girls stopped. Sirius had said he was bored of the girls and he became frustrated, each flaunt with a girl no different than the next. Things with Remus seemed to get more and more awkward, touches that frustrated and confused Sirius, leaving him wanting for something he wasn't sure of, but gradually he became more and more aware of the feelings he had for Remus. Sirius knew, and those nights when they had too much butter beer the two awoke in the same bed rubbing up against each other, not sure how they got there. It wasn't too long when the two had their first kiss and first love under the beech tree beside the lake, passionate and loving in the grass and the cold, nothing but each others bodies to keep them from freezing.

It was wrong he knew, but he was all hot and his manhood stirred as those thoughts drifted, his thoughts turning to Snape, picturing the dark potions classroom, feeling his dark glittering eyes burning holes in his naked body. Severus coming closer in the dim light -

He stopped himself. This was wrong. At the mere mention of two people having sex he's all hot and horny. What was with him? They were his Godparents that he was reading about!

He was sick of his long search, he raised his wand, "Accio Magazines!"

Harry heard a strange thud beneath him, then the sliding sounds of two slats of wood sliding over each other, and he jumped to see as many as five magazines zoom out from under Sirius' bed and into his open hands.

Harry laughed, he knew his Godfather had been hiding these.

* * *

The three weeks were finally over. Harry could breathe a sigh of relief, his tension being exhaled, although his shoulders were still tense. That would soon fade. He would be back at Hogwarts. His home. And he would finally be free. Free of the tension in Grimmauld Place.

Harry packed his trunk, feeling the tension in his shoulders, the need for release. He shouldn't beat off, he was packing, he had a few minutes before he left for the Knight Bus with Remus, who would likely come in to check on him soon.

He shuddered, his head filled with the images of naked men, sweating, oily and muscular sucking and licking each other, winking sexily at him, from the wizarding porn magazines that he had summoned from under Sirius' bed, the ones in which he had jerked off onto the cover of. He breathed out heavily, he needed to relieve himself. His cock filled with blood, heat filling his stomach, he undid his fly, reaching into his trousers as he lay back on the bed. He ran his hand up and down his cock, it becoming more erect every second, no longer flopping onto his stomach. He sighed, his head falling back as he felt the shiver of pleasure as he stroked his throbbing shaft. The images of the men continued winking, stroking and licking in his mind. The men _were _sexy, they made him throb and harden, they had given him an erection, but as always they weren't satisfying and the pictures morphed and paled to be Severus, winking and presenting his naked body to him in his moonlit office. His silken cloak falling to the floor, revealing Snape's naked pale body, coming towards him before he could get a good look, then his hands were on him and all he could think about were those hands stroking and rubbing, snaking down to his penis, pumping the throbbing shaft, until he came violently, everywhere.

His head fell back on the pillow, a sigh of relief escaping him. He sat there a few moments, letting his body relax, not wanting to think of the horrible things he had just done to his trousers.

Please... please …

oh no. Despite his pleading he had in fact came all over everything. It was on his underwear, on his muggle trousers, on his shirt! And his hands were making everything worse, the more he frantically rubbed at the stains, trying to get them off, the more they spread and if anything seemed to get larger.

Remus would be coming in any second and he had come all over his trousers. He got up, rubbing frantically at the stains, "please please come off," he mumbled. He would have to take them off, there was no getting the stains off, they were getting worse and worse. His fingers worked clumsily, trying to unzip his trousers whilst simultaneously trying to rip the trousers off of him... His underwear got caught in the zipper and the zip would not move! He scrambled with the zip, Remus would be coming up any second, he had to get these trousers off and new ones on. He forgot the idea, he ripped bot trousers and undies down and off, standing there half naked.

Shit! He could hear someone ascending the stairs, their feet vibrating the wooden floorboards, every thud brought Harry a step closer to humiliation. His heart raced, he worked clumsily but quickly ripping his shirt from his body. The door opened. Harry yelled, and he whipped his shirt in front of him, like a shield, covering himself.

It was Remus. His eyes widened, stunned, as he took in the scene before him. He frowned, looking almost confused, not sure whether he was seeing what he was seeing. Oh no! Now, he was fucked. Harry watched as realisation crossed Remus' face.

He looked away, backing away as he spoke, "Urgh - Merlin - Harry - What are you – why are you - we've got to go -"

He turned away, glancing back to say, "Uh – sorry - I'll leave you – though – I think you'll find a cleaning spell useful," said Remus as he backed out of the door and shut it.

Harry's eyes were still stunned open wide, as he threw his trunk open and threw on the first things he put his hand onto. After first mistaking a shirt for pants he put on a pair of ugly faded trousers and one of Dudley's old shirts that was of course way too large for him. He shot off after Remus, not bothering to look at himself. "Remus!" he yelled, slamming into him. Remus had only moved a couple of steps since shutting the door and Harry had charged and slammed into the back of him. Remus caught himself on the wooden rails going down the stairs and turned to face Harry.

"I'm sorry - I'm so sorry – please don't tell Sirius -"

"Harry, It's ok. You don't have to – We all do – sometimes – it's just – is that what you've been doing _all_ this time?"

"No, of course not. I've done my homework... most of it."

Remus nodded, a hint of a smile in his eyes. He laughed, "Harry, don't worry, It's not like Sirius can judge you, he spent most of his teenage life with his hands stuffed down his pants."

He patted his shoulder and proceeded downstairs. "And be ready in five minutes, we've go to go!" he called from downstairs.


	14. Undoubtedly Awkward Conversations

A/N: Sorry I took so long to update. If you've been on my profile page you might have seen that I was an utter douchebag and formatted my hard drive.

I hope you enjoy the chapter though and give me a message if you think you could find me a beta, as i still need one :)

* * *

BANG!

Harry and Remus were thrown back onto the bed as the Knight Bus roared to life and charged forward. Harry pulled himself up, untangling his ankle out from underneath Remus' feeling a little sheepish. He looked away as he rightly set his foot away from Lupins and instead focused on pushing his trunk underneath the bed. It was all over too quickly, his trunk was underneath the bed and with little else to occupy him he sighed and looked up at Lupin knowing the awkward talk that was undoubtedly ahead of them.

"You think I am going to tell Sirius about this, don't you?" said Lupin shrewdly.

He took a sharp breath but all he could do was nod. "Yes," he finally managed to choke out after some time. Lupin shook his head smiling, "We were all boys once."

"Yes, but, aren't you a little – freaked out?" asked Harry suspiciously, "I mean… you were a boy once but you didn't … to your teacher… did you?" he asked uneasily.

Remus smirked. "Well no but neither me nor Sirius was ever connected to one of our teachers like you and Snape," explained Remus, as if his explanation was obvious and so very normal.

"What do you mean?" said Harry looking up him confusedly, "to be honest, I'm still not entirely sure why you don't think the same as Sirius. I mean, you did sorta try to … kiss me… in order to distract me from Snape," finished Harry awkwardly. He carefully had kept his eyes trained on his shoes but he peeked up at Lupin to gouge his reaction. Lupin's eyes had taken on a soft amber glow and he smiled sadly down at him. Harry took a sharp breath in, he had felt awkward with Lupin ever since trying to kiss him and he had tried to remind himself that he was his Godfathers boyfriend but it was moments like these that his feelings came flooding back to him. It was these moments that surged Harry's next words forward, "I mean, was it all just to distract me… or did you…"

Lupin cringed slightly, his voice now full of sadness, "I am _so _sorry Harry," He said taking his shoulders in his hands. Harry wasn't sure whether he should chance a look at Remus if he was going to feel the way he did. Remus sighed and it made him look up despite himself, "I really am," he reaffirmed. Harry watched his eyes turn a dark ochre colour and he noticed flecks of brown in his eyes, they were filled with... sadness and disappointment. He smiled half-heartedly at him and he sighed.

"As for me not sharing Sirius' opinion I would have thought it was obvious. I trust Dumbledore, Harry. I admit, I did think him a madman to begin with… but I trust Dumbledore and he thinks that yours and Severus' fates are entwined. And I have seen you two together and secretly he is… devoted to you."

Pink blossomed onto his cheeks at the thought. Remus' amber eyes took in his flushed face and smiled, hugging him tightly. "Dumbledore is right you know," he said releasing him from his hug, "you can write me a letter or floo anytime Harry. I really just want to be your God father and your friend _and _I want a letter whenever you need help with _anything._"

He looked up at him, face still flushed, and eyes slightly wet as he felt the tension between them dissolve, "even Severus?"

Remus laughed, "Especially Severus."

Harry looked outside the windows of the Knight Bus at a sparkling brook shrouded in fallen winter leaves and sighed in relief. Everything was great! His tension with Lupin was finally resolved and he could finally concentrate on Severus.

"Oh, Harry," said Lupin, eyebrows raised as if he had just suddenly remembered something, "what are you planning to say to Snape when you get back?"

Harry's face dropped. That question just drove a stake through his momentary relief. "I hadn't thought of it much. Well, actually I've thought about it quite a bit but I'm stuck. I don't know what to do, Remus," he admitted, sighing in frustration. Remus looked slightly confused, "maybe you could write him a letter," he suggested.

"A letter is too easy to ignore," he said frowning, "I need something that he can't ignore. This is the man who has ignored _every_ attempt I've made," he told Remus, hoping to encapsulate how important this was to him and how hard it was going to be to… seduce Severus.

Remus looked out the window and a calm came over his face that he never quite seen before. "Setting fire to the Slytherin common rooms is hardly something Severus Snape can ignore," Remus purred.

"He'll try. I _know _him," said Harry doubtfully, "Every time I try to get close to him he just gets angry and pushes me away."

Remus sighed, not really sure he knew enough about Severus' personal life to suggest how to romance him, but he scraped together what he could, "Snape was always a dedicated student. I never saw him doing anything but studying, actually. It's funny to think in the whole 7 years we were in Hogwarts together I know nothing about a romantic side to him… only rumours."

Harry quirked an eyebrow inquisitively. "Either than your father there was only one other man I knew of that was close to Severus and that was Lucius Malfoy. There was rumours around Hogwarts that he and Malfoy were dating. Which I think, you would know more about then me… I never saw anything," it was Remus' turn to raise an eyebrow.

Harry sighed, suppressing a grimace at the subject matter, "I only heard when Lucius had come to his door he was asking to … urgh…_ know_ him again. He was talking about their time in Hogwarts where they had had… _sex… _before their exams," explained Harry, forcing himself to finally say 'sex' in front of Remus.

Remus eyes widened, _Now I almost can't blame Harry for arson,_ he thought humorously, _the boy had heard enough for jealousy_. He couldn't believe he was about to actually suggest what he was thinking… but he promised that he would help Harry. He promised that he would tell him what he knew and, after all, he would only _hint._ "Lucius was a very powerful man, very… _persuasive._"

"You'd need to be to get in Severus' pants," he laughed, but it wasn't really a joke. It was true.

* * *

Harry had never been so grateful to walk through the portrait hole and see the Gryffindor common room. The squishy arm chairs were all in their place, comfy and inviting, the hearth warm and crackling quietly but most of all Ron and Hermione sitting the two armchairs by the window. Hermione was reading a rather large leather-bound tome and looked up to flick the page, spotting Harry. "Harry!" she squealed and stood regardless of the shabby book on her lap. The book slid from her lap and landed in a heap on the floor as Hermione hugged him vigorously, standing on the stray pages that had been ripped from the tome. Ron followed with bone-crushing hug, "Thank Merlin your back!" he cried. Harry sat down eagerly as Hermione began to collect together the book and its misplaced contents, "oh no," she moaned, on the floor putting the pages back inside the cover.

"So what's been happening? What have I missed? How is Snape?"

Ron quirked his eyebrows at the last, "Irritable as usual. You would have thought he'd be relieved, not having you to worry about," he grinned, "but he's been a bit touchy."

"Temperamental," Hermione corrected from the floor. Ron scowled at her. "He set us an essay the day after you left," Hermione informed him.

"Mm, I got it. I put extra effort in," he said.

"Extra?" Ron gaped.

"Well, I've been thinking," he leaned forward, "Ever since I got suspended I've been thinking about what to say when I got back. _And _what he'd say." He sighed irritably, "but Remus said something interesting to me. He was trying to help me, tell me everything he knew about Snape, I think he hinted… he hinted that Lucius was a very powerful man, very _persuasive_."

Hermione looked up at him sharply, "and you think he's hinting you have to persuade or overpower Snape?" she said incredulously.

Harry frowned, "hey! I could do it Hermione!"

She smiled. "Anyway," he continued, "I think I've been going about it the wrong way. Snape is intelligent, powerful and ambitious. He's a Slytherin, afterall. I've been going about it the Gryffindor way. I need to be a man worthy of his love or he'll never consider me."

"You need him to consider you an equal," said Hermione, "You need to even the playing field."

"Exactly," said Harry.

* * *

Snape almost smirked at his sheer, utter and complete lack of good luck as he sat in the great hall _again_ with Dumbledore about to request another awkward and painful talk about Harry Potter. The insufferable brat has made it impossible for him to _not_ have another awkward conversation with Dumbledore… among other things. This undoubtedly was the worse week that Severus had had since his days at Hogwarts, which Potter would undoubtedly try to drudge up.

"Professor," said Dumbledore, smiling almost apologetically down at him, as he gestured towards his office and the awkward talk undoubtedly awaiting them.

Snape sighed and got up to follow Dumbledore to his study.

"Well, Severus?" asked Dumbledore sitting behind his desk.

"Well what, Headmaster?" said Snape glumly, being again reminded of his helpless days in highschool.

"What do you plan to do about Harry? He's obviously not going to give up as you so dearly hoped," said Dumbledore.

Snape huffed angrily, "He's left me no choice again!" His face contorted to show all the annoyance of the Potterless week that wasn't as restless or carefree as he thought it would be. "What am I to do? Now I must consult him! Convince him! He – Stupid Boy! He has made a fool of me"

Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled as he observed him, "do you really think trying to convince him will work?"

He sighed, "I don't know what to do, Dumbledore."

Dumbledore just sat, his eyes twinkling in a way that pissed him right off.

"I can't talk to him about his… _feelings_," Snape spat in distaste.

"Well you can't have him lighting things on fire for your attention, Severus," countered Dumbledore.

"Well what am I meant to _say, _Dumbledore?" he asked in exasperation. Dumbledore appeared thoughtful.

"I doubt he would listen to a word I said," he added hopelessly, "Potter is –"

"In love with you," suggested Dumbledore.

* * *

The dark potions classroom awaited Harry. The door was open and the shimmering, dancing light from the pensieve drew Harry inside despite his anxiety. Snape was lifting his wand to his temple and extracting his most secret memories, as usual. He sneered as potter came in, "Have a nice – holiday?" Snape asked in a mock pleasant voice.

"Did you miss me?" he asked, smiling antagonistically. Snape ignored his jibe except from a particularly unpleasant sneer.

"I've been practicing," he said, trying to ready himself for Occlumency.

"That'd be a first," Snape muttered darkly. "Why this sudden interest? You've never shown an ounce of interest or _talent _in becoming an occlumens before?" he asked, his eyes glittering.

"Exactly," said Harry, "That was precisely what I was thinking. I need more incentive to practice, sir," he baited.

"Go on," urged Snape dangerously, "I doubt you will be able to contain your ideas, having so few of them."

Harry ignored that, "I propose that we have a more equal playing field. I propose a battle of the mind, wit and power. I keep no memories from you, you keep none from me. If I scrape together power enough to break through your defenses I get to see your memories. _All _of them. No pensieve"

Snape stared. The flickers of emotion we hard for Harry to detect, there were only flickers darting across them like a torch light on an inky pool. The truth was that Snape wasn't sure whether to accept or reject. He was surprised at Potter's proposal, but suspicious, yet intrigued. He inwardly shuddered at the thought of revealing his most private memories to Potter but he needed incentive to practice. It was important. If Potter practiced it could mean the difference between life and death, it could save him from the Dark Lord.

"Very well," Snape said, although he got the impression that he didn't want to. Snape's eyes surveyed him, searching hungrily, "If I am putting my most private memories on the line, I would like to know _why?"_

He smiled darkly, "You know why," he answered taking a step forward. He brushed Snape's desk lightly with his fingers as he past it. He held Snape's dark eyes. They were wide and dark against his pale face. Harry wasn't sure how Snape would take this, he could stop him any moment. His only hope was to hold Snape's eyes and hope that he was too taken aback to notice what he was trying to do. He held Snape's eyes as he circled behind him, praying that Snape would let him and that he would simply pivot and follow him. Snape did not turn his body, luckily, but his shoulders stiffened as Harry crossed behind him, without his eyes there to follow him. "I want to see your memories…" Harry continued attempting a dreamy voice and smoothing a crease in the back of Snape's cloak. He could not believe the Potions Mater didn't just turn and hex him; he had just had his hand on his lower back! "… your dreams…" he continued, moving round to Snape's front. His eyes met his and they were dark with frustration and confusion. He darted behind his back and couldn't help but brush a stray hair behind Snape's ear. He flinched but kept still whilst Harry continued "I want..." He came around to Severus' front again, brushing has fingers against his palm, "…you."

Severus looked stricken, he had had enough, and he took a step back unable to stand his proximity. His lip quivered. It was the first time that Severus had appeared beyond speech. He just stared, his eyes oddly defensive. "You don't want me, Harry Potter," Snape told him, his eyes turning hard and sharp like obsidian. "You're young. You want flowers and compliments and caresses," he spat loathingly. "I will not be able to give you those... If you give yourself to me I will not be able to control myself."

Harry wanted to appear adult and like he knew exactly what Severus was on about but he traitorously portrayed the slightest quiver of confusion and Severus' keen eyes picked up on it. "I will… take you. Harshly," Snape told him, dangerously quiet.


End file.
